After all the complaints, I apologise for being stupid

No one likes getting complaints.

This year, I received a record number of complaints for this column.

2012 started with complaints about a column I wrote about why I like Christmas better than Chinese New Year.

Being Chinese, I thought it was okay for me to express my distaste for the trappings of the holiday named after my own race. I was wrong.

I apologised.

Then just last month, someone calling me Samantha took umbrage at me making light of the recent baby mix-up at KK Women’s and Children’s Hospital.

I apologised.

But the column that earned me the most haters was the one about the Olympics in August called “My mother says Tao Li is too fat to win”.

The headline alone offended a few people.

Someone commented on Facebook: “My father says the reporter is too stupid to be published.”

That’s actually kind of funny.

A blogger named Andrew Loh wrote a long blog post dedicated to calling me stupid entitled “Wow. This guy is really stupid.”

The next day, another blogger named Dotseng wrote a blog post called “Wow... this Andrew Loh is really stupid to call that journalist stupid!”

These netizens seem rather fond of the word “stupid”.

Anyway, I apologise for being stupid.

Because of the online flagellation I went through, I was in probably a very small minority of people who actually sympathised with Ms Amy Cheong two months later when her racist Facebook comments went viral.

But unlike Ms Cheong, I haven’t been fired from my job despite all the complaints. (Yet.)

Which makes me luckier than the taxi driver who was sacked after a woman passenger complained that he was watching a video on his phone while driving.

According to The Straits Times last week, the phone was on the dashboard and the passenger said the video was “not suitable for children”, possibly pornographic.

Would I call the cabby stupid for what he did?

No – although I do have some questions about the incident.

As far as I could tell, the driver was fired for multi-tasking behind the wheel. The porn part seems incidental. Gratuitous even.

Would the passenger have complained if it wasn’t an obscene video?

What if it was Gangnam Style?

Then I would be grateful if the cabby was only watching the video and not attempting to horse-dance along with it.



Over one billion views on YouTube? That would be like the entire population size of Singapore that Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong said the country can accommodate (ie six million) watching Psy's video 166.667 times.

Well, I’ve done my part.

My other question is that even if you are capable of illegally watching a video and driving at the same time, how do you fully enjoy pornography in a moving vehicle?

Okay, maybe the taxi has automatic transmission, allowing the cabby to keep one hand free to, uh, “fully enjoy” himself.

But wouldn’t he feel self-conscious when he has passengers?

I mean, I used to get embarrassed watching the Solid Gold dancers on TV with my mother in the room.

Yes, I’m old enough to remember Solid Gold. You young ones can search for Solid Gold dancers on YouTube. Just make sure your parents aren’t around when you do. Your dad might want to watch the video with you.



Speaking of which, would the cab passenger have complained if instead of a woman, the passenger was a man like me?

My dilemma would then be, on the one hand, this cabby is endangering both our lives. On the other hand, I can watch the video with him. Free show!

And if I’m in the backseat, I can position myself such that I can fully enjoy myself without the driver’s knowledge.

Perhaps the cabby thought he was providing an extra service. He just neglected to display an R21 sign on his cab.

Maybe in the near future, passengers will also be handed 3D glasses. I just hope the cabby won't be wearing them too. Then even I would complain.

On second thought, I don’t want anyone to lose his job because of me.

I’d probably just blog about it.

- Published in The New Paper, 30 December 2012

Why would anyone see a movie more than once?

After a bad experience, I once swore I would never watch a movie in the cinema again.

I'm a little embarrassed to say that this year, I've seen three movies twice in the cinema.

My excuse is that they were in different formats. I saw The Avengers and Prometheus in 2D and Imax 3D.

Yesterday, I saw The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey in 3D HFR after already seeing in Imax 3D. I almost fell asleep a few times the second time around.



But I was curious about the 48fps High Frame Rate technology after reading a lot of criticism for the new format.

Some viewers complained that it was too "realistic", making them nauseous. Others griped that it made the movie sets look like movie sets, which takes you out of the movie.



I would compare HFR to watching Blu-ray after a lifetime of watching standard-definition DVDs. It's like watching a giant giant high-def TV in the cinema.

Which I guess is the problem for some people. They don't want to watch TV in the cinema. They want to see a "film".

It's ironic because for years, TV has been trying to look like film and now a film is made to like TV, albeit high-def TV.

I actually prefer the HFR format. Everything is shinier, sharper and clearer.

I don't see it being applicable for all movies though, just like 3D isn't, but I would like to see more of these big CGI special-effects extravaganzas made in HFR. I wonder if that is likely after the technology's mixed reception.



Now I just have to resist the urge to see The Hobbit in Imax 3D HFR.

I definitely won't be able to stay awake the third time around.

I’m not so positive these surveys are reliable

At least now when someone wishes me merry Christmas and I say, “No,” I have good reason to do so.

According to Gallup, Singaporeans have the least positive emotions in the world (which some media reports have interpreted as Singaporeans being the world’s unhappiest people).

Gee, thanks, Gallup, for that lump of coal in our stocking.

Well, it’s hard to be positive when another Jack Neo movie has become the highest grossing Singapore film ever. Ah Boys To Men has made over $6.03 million, beating the previous record holder, Money No Enough.



Wasn’t Neo’s career supposed to be over after his 2010 sex scandal?

Hands up, anyone disappointed that it isn’t.

Could it be that Singaporeans are becoming numb to sex scandals after so many?

Just last month, Gallup also declared that we were the “most emotionless” society in the world.

Obviously, the poll must have been done before the Suzuki Cup final.



I wonder if Gallup ever did a poll to find out how seriously people take these polls.

Earlier this month, according to a survey by travel website TripAdvisor, Singapore was ranked second for Best Taxi Services among “40 key tourist cities around the world”. (Tokyo was first.)

Tell that to Mr Chris Reed. Remember him?

He’s the expat who earlier this year wrote quite emphatically that “Singapore has the world’s worst taxi drivers” in his blog.

I mean, did he actually taken a taxi in every city in the world to make this judgment?

I didn’t do a poll or anything, but my guess is that Singaporeans are more likely to agree with Mr Reed than TripAdvisor.

The trouble is that calling Singapore “worst” or “best” or “least” or “most” in anything is hyperbolic at best and specious at worst, even when it’s backed by a survey. Perhaps especially so.

When Mr Reed stated that Singapore’s cabbies are the worst in the world, it was clearly only his opinion. You can choose to agree or disagree with him.

But when TripAdvisor said its survey results were “based on more than 75,000 responses”, hey, that sounded almost scientific.

It wasn’t just one guy’s opinions. It was many guys, plus a few gals too, I bet.

But they’re still only opinions.

Taxi service in Singapore may not be the worst, but based on extensive first-hand experience (especially when it rains), Singaporeans also know that it can’t possibly be the second best among “40 key tourist cities around the world”.

Because if it is, I really feel bad for the 38 other cities.



Speaking of feeling bad, a few months earlier, Singapore also topped the list of healthiest countries in a Bloomberg survey.

That would help to explain why one out of five workers said they had to feign an illness to get a medical certificate to get off work, according to yet another survey, this time by the website JobsCentral.

Most of these workers said they faked being sick because they did not feel like working.

And can you blame them?

They can’t strike because then they would have to give 14 days’ notice, which kind of defeats the purpose.

Who asked Singaporeans to be so healthy?

That is the drawback of being the healthiest country – it forces one fifth of our workforce to malinger.

Could that explain why we’re the least positive despite being the healthiest and wealthiest in the world?

Bear in mind that Singapore also had the highest GDP per capita according to the Wealth Report 2012 published by Knight Frank and Citi Private Bank.

Maybe Biggie was right – mo’ money, mo’ problems.



If money is the problem, then perhaps we should try giving mo’ of it away.

According to the World Giving Index 2011 by Charities Aid Foundation, Singapore ranked 91st out of 153 for donating to charity.

Yes, Virginia, there’s a survey for everything.

Or maybe we’re the least positive because Singapore women have been ranked the fifth most unfaithful out of 36 countries, according to a recent survey by Durex.

Or could the simpler explanation be that these surveys are just rubbish?

We’d be better off relying on the Mayans.

Or believing that video of the eagle picking up a child.



Not that such surveys are completely useless.

If not for them, I would have nothing to write about for today’s column.

But I would rather be Christmas shopping at Orchard Road.



Which, by the way, has been ranked the world’s No. 1 shopping avenue by Presence Mystery Shopping, a Paris-based market consulting company.

That makes me feel a pretty positive emotion. It’s almost merry.

- Published in The New Paper, 23 December 2012