Showing posts with label Joanne Peh. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joanne Peh. Show all posts

Monday, 30 September 2019

Toggled: I watched Joanne Peh's 'nude' scene in Last Madame and I feel so dirty now

Okay, I fell for it.

When I read that Mediacorp actress Joanne Peh was going nude for the first time in a drama, Last Madame, I was curious enough to want to watch the show.

Yes, “curious”. That was it.



At first, I thought it’s a Channel 8 drama series, but then I learnt it’s in English.

Oh, so it’s on Channel 5?

Wrong. It’s on Toggle, sort of like Mediacorp’s version of Netflix except nobody says “Toggle and chill”.

All 12 half-hour episodes of the M18-rated series dropped last Thursday for you to binge and purge.

On the day of release, Peh posted a blurry photo on Instagram with the warnings “Mature content” and “Restricted access”. What a tease!



When you swipe left, you can see a still from Last Madame of Peh and co-star Jeff Chou topless in bed but not showing much, just a lot of bare shoulders.

I guess if you want to see more, you have to watch the show.

Peh, a mama of two who plays a mamasan in the drama, wrote on Insta:
“It took me a long time to decide if I would go nude for our bed scene in Last Madame. A story set in a brothel in the 1930s, we can’t shy away from sex.”
The 36-year-old ex-girlfriend of Bobby Tonelli said she made the right decision because “showing two bodies moving in unison captured the passions and inner conflict of the two characters so vividly, it pushed the show to a different level”.

“Two bodies moving in unison”? I couldn’t create my free Toggle account fast enough.

Again, I was just curious. Perhaps a little too eagerly so.

I made the mistake of watching the whole of the first episode before realising the “bodies moving in unison” scene is not in the first episode. That was 36 minutes of my life I will never get back. (The episodes are laboriously longer than publicised.)

I went online and found out that the sought-after nude scene is in the ninth episode after the 23-minute mark.

Here’s what you see.

It starts with a close-up of clasping hands before fading to black.



Then a close-up of Chou kissing Peh’s upper lip, which is how actors in local shows pretend to kiss each other on the mouth without actually kissing. No tongue.



Another fade to black.

Next, a close-up of him kissing down the side of her waist and some sort of weird puncture wound or a very scary mosquito bite above her right hip.



And yet another fade to black.

The scene continues with a few unrevealing shots of them “moving in unison” and breathing heavily interspersed with even more fade-to-black transitions.







It’s over in just over a minute (no reflection on Chou, I’m sure) and half of it is a black screen. That’s all we get for M18?

I now suspect the M18 rating is just for all the smoking in the first scene of the first episode.



Even Peh wanted more nakedness.

Asked about the scene by 8 Days magazine, she said:
“When the final cut came out on Toggle, I was, mmm, slightly disappointed. I think we could really have shown a little bit more probably, because no body parts were shown.”


Actually, body parts are shown – hands, hips, plenty of shoulders – just not the right ones.

So why do I feel so dirty after watching the scene?

Mrs Qi Yiwu used the promise of nudity to appeal to my basest instinct – curiosity – and I let her.

I should have known better. It was the oldest trick in the book. Sex sells.

I wonder how many other people fell for it too and created a Toggle account they will never use again.

If I didn’t have the potential to excel in life, I should be punished by being forced to watch all 12 episodes of Last Madame.

Fade to black.

- Published in The New Paper, 30 September 2019

Sunday, 2 August 2015

My SG50 dilemma: Should I watch LKY in The LKY Musical or LKY in 1965 movie?

Last week was election day for me.

I had to elect whether to watch LKY in The LKY Musical or watch LKY in the movie, 1965.





Why?

Because SG50.

A photo posted by SM Ong (@sm_ong) on


As you all know - and have probably made plans to leave the country next weekend because you do - next Sunday is National Day.

Very soon (at least one hopes), our long national branding exercise that is sticking the promiscuously all-purpose SG50 logo on everything from fish cakes to Hello Kitty will be over.



By the way, I've placed my order for the McDonald’s SG50 Hello Kitty Collector's Set. Have you?



And I’ve already received my SingPost SG50 Hello Kitty Plush Collectible Set. Have you?



I plan to upload my unboxing video to YouTube shortly.

This raises the question: If I’m such a patriot that I can get both the McDonald’s and SingPost SG50 Hello Kitty set, why can’t I see both The LKY Musical and the 1965 movie?

The answer: The LKY Musical and the 1965 movie are no Hello Kitty.

If instead of Adrian Pang and Lim Kay Tong, they had cast the the mouthless Japanese cartoon cat to play Mr Lee Kuan Yew, I would’ve gone online and booked the tickets immediately.

But alas, they cast real people.

Also, watching a musical or a movie requires me to commit at least three hours of my life, commuting to and from the theatre, and actually sitting down to watch the damn thing.

Whereas with my Hello Kitty sets, I just get them and put them on the shelf where they will collect dust until the Earth dies.

So it’s either the musical or the movie. Not both.

To help make my decision, I've read the reviews of both shows and narrowed it to down to four factors:


THE COST FACTOR

Depending on where and what day of the week you want to see the movie, a ticket can cost from $8.50 to $13, maybe cheaper if you’re a Safra member or have the right credit card

But the cheapest ticket for the musical is $50 for a “restricted view” on certain days.

For 50 bucks, I could watch 1965 at least three times with enough change to buy a few SG50 fish cakes. That is, if I were a masochist.

Advantage 1965.



THE STAR FACTOR

The musical stars Pang and Sharon Au.

All the reviews are pretty much universal in their praise of Pang’s portrayal of Singapore’s first Prime Minister. They are also universal in saying that Au pretty much sucks as Mrs LKY.

The Straits Times said that Pang “carries the part with finesse and grace”, but Au is “a shadow of her character, struggling with musical segments and quickly fading into the background”.

Today newspaper said that Pang “carries the show as Lee, capturing the man’s fears, frustrations and unwavering tenacity in pushing for change”.

It added that “Au also proves to be the cast’s weakest link, with brittle delivery and pitiful singing skills”.

By the way, Today is published by MediaCorp where Au also works as an executive in the strategic development department.

“Weakest link”? “Pitiful singing skills”?

Wah lau! How bad do you have to be that even your own company doesn’t give you face?



Two other MediaCorp artists, Joanne Peh and her husband Qi Yuwu, are arguably the biggest stars in the 1965 movie.

But frankly, the only thing involving Peh and Qi I’m interested in seeing is a video of Peh, who is due to give birth soon, delivering the baby shot by Qi.

Unfortunately, Qi has said that although he plans to be in the delivery room with Peh, someone else will be holding the camera. I volunteer.

Advantage The LKY Musical because of Pang. I’m also curious to see just how much Au actually sucks.



THE FOREIGN TALENT FACTOR

The movie is produced, written and directed by Singaporeans.

The musical is directed by a Brit with a book by an American and lyrics by another Brit. That’s not very SG50. (Or is it?)

Advantage 1965.



THE LKY FACTOR

The musical is called The LKY Musical. So you know that it’s all about LKY. And that it’s a musical.

But Mr Daniel Yun, the executive producer and co-director for 1965, has made it a point to clarify that his movie is “not a biopic of Lee Kuan Yew” but “a dramatic thriller based on historical events”, presumably set in 1965.

Why does Mr Yun feel the need to make this clarification?

Because as far back as 2010, it was reported that he was planning “a political thriller based on Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew’s struggle for Singapore’s independence”.

At one point, Hong Kong star Tony Leung Chiu Wai was even cast as LKY.



So now Mr Yun is backtracking? Did Amos Yee get to him?

http://www.businesstimes.com.sg/lifestyle/arts-entertainment/lim-kay-tong-steals-the-show-in-1965The Business Times said that as LKY, “Lim Kay Tong steals the show in 1965”, but appears for only a few minutes in the movie.

The review gave 1965 a C+ grade and suggests that “maybe it would have worked better as a biopic of Mr Lee instead”.

So the movie suffers from a case of LKY no enough.

Maybe LKY would have more screen time if Tony Leung were playing him.

Advantage The LKY Musical.


MY DECISION

To celebrate SG50, I elected to see the show that best represents how Singapore achieved the impossible after being forced out of Malaysia in 1965 to be its own nation led by LKY. At least in the title.

That’s right. I went to see Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation.

Cue Lalo Schifrin’s theme song.



To SM Ong

I'm glad to know that I'm not alone - feeling this way - overwhelmed by the string of events planned for Singapore's Jubilee Celebration

Long story short

For the past few years, I've spent a considerable sum of money to support local productions, be it Musicals, Dramas etc. I would buy the best tickets, which is usually the most costly since some of these productions are at the Esplanade or Marina Bay Sands and invite my family or friends to watch these productions with me. It was my way of showing support to the local Arts, theater practitioners and even local singers eg Dick Lee, Kit Chan and Xinyao

Yet, this year, 2015, I find it hard to continue or should I say, I'm just put off by some of these productions

And you said it best in your article

Coincidentally, I've also given up trying to choose or decide which production to catch

I went and saw Mission Impossible - Rogue Nation on Friday. It was a simple movie but it gave me what I badly needed - a break from work and all that's on-going

For your info - I'm a primary school teacher and I suppose all the celebration and possible up-coming election talk was really getting to me since I'm also the teacher in-charge of our school's celebration program this week

Living in little red dot is stressful enough with increasing cost of living and other challenges

Sometimes, what we really need is some quiet moments to give thanks for what we have

Best regards
Stone



Hello :)

In your column yesterday, you wrote that you have both the Singpost and MCD Hello Kitties, but you forgot that Singtel has them too.

Just a quick thank you for all the laughter your column has given me throughout the years. I do hope you continue writing columns with your unique sense of humour.

Don't worry for making it to the 50th year mark so your couldn't enjoy all the perks or going AWOL in your camp, and outside the reporting area, you are still a Singapore icon. Very much so like the trishaw uncle and samsui woman hello kitties you see at MCD. Just that you have a further reach since your are in print.

Sincerely
Nicole


EARLIER: Twisted ankle? Racist incident? Nothing will stop Sharon Au from playing Mrs LKY

Sunday, 1 February 2015

What happened to Joanne Peh?

I suppose you’ve heard the big Joanne Peh news by now.

I, too, was caught by surprise like everyone else although in retrospect, I should’ve seen it coming.

I am, of course, talking about the actress leaving the Channel 5 drama series Code Of Law.

What a shocker.

I mean, there was no announcement that Peh was fleeing the local Law & Order rip-off, which she has been the star of since the show’s 2012 debut.



Then last week, on the fourth episode of the third season, she wasn't there any more. I found out about it on Twitter.


Sure, Keagan Kang, the other star of Code Of Law, is still on the show and is even prettier than Peh, but he’s no Mrs Qi Yuwu.

He’s more like Bobby Tonelli Light.

So what happened to Peh?

Was she killed off? Is she coming back?

Did I miss something in the previous episode?

Oh, yah, I did because I don’t watch Code Of Law at all.

Or Channel 5.

Or TV.

But I do watch YouTube.

So Channel 5 has helpfully uploaded on YouTube the Code Of Law episode that Peh last appeared in just so I can find out what happened to her.



No other full episode was uploaded on YouTube. Just that one.

Why? Because Channel 5 knows that there are many people like me who want to know what the hell happened to Peh and can’t be bothered to go to XinMSN where you can stream all the recent episodes for free.

The good thing about YouTube is that with a click of the mouse, you can easily forgo the 45 minutes of American-accented melodrama and skip to the American-accented melodrama at the end where Peh’s character explains why she’s abandoning ship.

The scene starts with Kang as lawyer Jacob Fernandez walking in on Peh packing her stuff and, speaking for all the viewers, he asks her: “So you’re really leaving?”

And she replies: “No, Mr Fernandez, I just really like putting files in boxes.”

LOL! Someone should cast Peh in the next Ghostbusters movie.



Then she added: “Actually, Sanjay would like to call it an indefinite leave of absence.”

I assume Sanjay is their boss at the law firm. Like I said, I don’t watch the show.

So they didn’t kill her off. Peh’s character is going on “an indefinite leave of absence”.

Does that mean she may return?

For the answer to that, I turned to the source for all my Joanne Peh-related information, the Instagram of Jollity Club, “the one and only official Singapore-based fanclub for Joanne Peh”.

The club posted on Jan 28: “Please note that Joanne will not be making an appearance in future episodes of Code of Law 3.”



Oh. So she’s really gone – at least for the season.

I wonder what could’ve caused Peh’s sudden departure from the show.

Perhaps it’s because of her role in the upcoming movie, 1965? Who knows?

I can’t think of anything else? Can you?

Anyhoo, moving on.



Also last week, Laneway Festival became Lay Waste Festival after Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong highlighted the trash left behind by the...

WHY ARE YOU INTERRUPTING ME?

What do you mean Joanne Peh is pregnant?

Didn’t she just marry Qi Yuwu?



They announced her pregnancy last week?

Whoa. That’s big news.

Am I the only person in the whole world who doesn’t know?

This is what happens when I don’t check the Jollity Club Instagram for a couple of days.

Why didn’t you tell me earlier instead of letting me go on and on like a fool about Code Of Law? Who cares about freaking Code Of Law?!

Now I feel so stupid.

Does Bobby Tonelli know?

Do reporters still go to him for quotes every time something happens to Peh?

Once Joanne Peh’s boyfriend, always Joanne Peh’s ex-boyfriend.

When she married Qi last September after breaking up with Tonelli, it was as if to prove how wrong I was to suggest in an earlier column that her relationship with Qi wasn’t real.

I admitted I was wrong in another column and pleaded for them to stop rubbing it in my face.

And here they are, rubbing it in my face again.

I wish I could go on an indefinite leave of absence from them – and all celebrity pregnancies.

Didn’t we just go through one last year with Fann Wong?



Wong was 43 when she had her first child. Peh is only 31.

What’s the rush, girl? Does she want the SG50 Baby Jubilee Gift so badly?

And the kid will be born in the year of the goat. That’s baaaaaa-d.

What about Code Of Law? Will she be back from her “indefinite leave of absence” after giving birth?

Or will she star in a new local rip-off of Modern Family instead?

You know, since she would have a little family of her own then and her husband is rumoured to be gay. You can’t get any more “modern” than that.

I hope Channel 5 will upload the new show on YouTube.

Otherwise, I’ll never see it.

- Published in The New Paper, 1 February 2015

EARLIER:

Joanne Peh & Qi Yuwu expecting their first child: Twitter reacts

Goodbye, Boanne: Did Joanne Peh marry Qi Yuwu just to spite me?

Here are a few choice tweets about the Joanne Peh-Qi Yuwu wedding

Joanne Peh & Qi Yuwu: Is she really going out with him?

Wednesday, 28 January 2015

Joanne Peh & Qi Yuwu expecting their first child: Twitter reacts

































EARLIER: Here are a few choice tweets about the Joanne Peh-Qi Yuwu wedding

COLUMN: What happened to Joanne Peh




Sunday, 14 September 2014

Goodbye, Boanne: Did Joanne Peh marry Qi Yuwu just to spite me?

Okay, I surrender. I admit it. I was wrong.

In April last year, I wrote a column called “So is Joanne Peh really going out with Qi Yuwu?

This week, should my column be called “So did Joanne Peh really marry Qi Yuwu?”

Because apparently, TV stars Peh and Qi got married on Sentosa in front of the Merlion statue last week and celebrity stylist David Gan posted a picture of the ceremony on Instagram with the caption in Chinese: “My other daughter is married.”

Wait, what? Gan has daughters?

Who knew he had children in the first place? Who’s the mother?

He’s the mother?

But he’s a guy.



My shock is reflected in the expression on the Merlion’s face.

Many were also surprised by Peh and Qi getting married.

Actress Pan Lingling said it best: “Really!”

The quiet quickie wedding of Peh and Qi has been compared to that of US movie stars Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie whose secret nuptials last month also took everyone by surprise. (If only David Gan was there to Instagram it.)

But then Brangelina have been dating since 2005 and have 500 children together.

On the other hand, Peh and Qi – let’s call them Joyu for short – have been dating only since last year.

Before that, many expected Peh to marry Bobby Tonelli. Let’s call them Boanne (rather than Jobby) for short.

As someone tweeted: “Wait, I always think that Joanne Peh is still with Bobby Tonelli and then suddenly she is married to Qi Yuwu already?”

I know the feeling. I, too, have trouble getting over Boanne even though Tonelli has moved on and now has a Indonesian Muslim girlfriend.

But the reason I can’t let go isn’t that Boanne lasted four long years whereas Joyu have been around only for a year plus change.

It’s that Joyu have yet to have a defining moment like Boanne did with the infamous Nando’s water incident.

In 2011, Boanne went to the Nando’s in Tanglin Mall for dinner and a request for hot water turned into national news after Peh tweeted about the bad service. Less than a week later, Tanglin Mall was forced to close due to flooding caused by heavy rain.

Even Mother Nature was on Boanne’s side.



On the other hand, when news broke 15 months ago about Peh dating Qi, quite a few people, including myself, questioned the relationship.

There was speculation that it was a publicity stunt. If it was, it certainly worked, partly due to media reports speculating that it was a publicity stunt.

Qi even addressed the gay rumours in an 8 Days magazine interview, saying: “People can say whatever they want.”

And people have.

After the Joyu wedding came to light, someone asked on Twitter: “Qi Yuwu is straight meh?”

To which another person tweeted in reply: “Joanne Peh is officially the most committed beard ever.”

I have no idea what that means. How does the actress resemble male facial hair?

Another tweet: “Is Joanne Peh secretly a guy?”

Ohhhhhhhh…

Someone else tweeted: “It’s like the 'Jacintha & Dick Lee’ wedding façade.”

I have no idea what that means either.



But Joyu have their supporters as well.

After my column asking “Is Joanne Peh really going out with Qi Yuwu?” came out last year, I received this e-mail:
“Well, according to an informed source, Joanne stayed the night at QYW this past Wednesday night. You do the maths as they say.”
Maths? You mean, like one plus 715 equal 716?

Twitter joke: If Joyu have a baby, the kid should be named Qi Yuliu. Get it?

Ever since that column, my resentment for Joyu grew with each picture I saw of them together. It was as if they were purposely letting themselves be photographed as a couple just to spite me.



Then came the Merlion wedding photo that Gan posted last Tuesday.

It was Joyu taunting me: “Remember you wrote about how our relationship isn’t real? Well, we’re getting married just to prove you wrong, you Hello Kitty-loving old hippy!”

Okay, I surrender. I admit it. I was wrong.

Can Joyu please stop rubbing it in my face now?

You know who Joyu should go after? Their MediaCorp colleague Elvin Ng, who said: “Real love should be admired and respected anywhere, so if it’s real love, it should be congratulated.”

What does he mean, “if”? Of course, it’s real love! How dare he insinuate otherwise?



I’m also concerned by what Peh told Qi in her wedding vow:
“I’ve missed you for the first half of my life and I am glad I am going to spend the second half of my life with you.”
Does that mean that Peh, who is 31, expects to live only till 62?

Maybe the Government can make an exception for her and let her withdraw all her CPF at 55 so that she can enjoy the money in the last few years of her life.

Does this mean that I’m finally over Boanne?

I suppose, in a way, the David Gan Instagram has become the Nando’s water incident for Joyu.

Thanks to the Gan-ster, Joyu now have their own defining moment. And they didn’t have to go to a chicken restaurant for it.

Someone should make a documentary about the wedding and call it To Sentosa, With Love.

MDA wouldn’t ban that, would it?

I mean, this doesn’t count as a gay wedding, right?

Or does it?

- Published in The New Paper, 14 September 2014



EARLIER:

Here are a few choice tweets about the Joanne Peh-Qi Yuwu wedding

Joanne Peh & Qi Yuwu: Is she really going out with him?

UPDATE: Joanne Peh & Qi Yuwu expecting their first child: Twitter reacts


Wednesday, 10 September 2014

Here are a few choice tweets about the Joanne Peh-Qi Yuwu wedding





















































EARLIER: Joanne Peh & Qi Yuwu: Is she really going out with him?

COLUMN: Goodbye, Boanne: Did Joanne Peh marry Qi Yuwu just to spite me?

UPDATE: Joanne Peh & Qi Yuwu expecting their first child: Twitter reacts


Sunday, 29 December 2013

So how unlucky was 2013 for you?



It's called “triskaidekaphobia”.

That’s the fear of the number 13.

For those of you who suffer from this condition, it must a relief that in three days, 2013 will finally be over. It's basically 365 days where every day is Friday the 13th.

I’ve read that in some high-rise buildings, there is no 13th storey. They either call it Floor 12A or just skip to 14.

Sometimes I wish there is no year 2013. We either call it 2012A or just skip to 2014.

But it’s a little too late for that now.

The year started unluckily for me when I struggled to produce a stool sample for my medical check-up in January. Coincidentally, that was the same month as the Punggol East by-election where the People’s Action Party candidate was a colorectal surgeon. Somehow, I believe those two things are related.



Since the colorectal surgeon lost the by-election, I guess 2013 started unluckily for him too.

The year also seemed unlucky at first for MediaCorp actress Joanne Peh when her break-up with long-time boyfriend Bobby Tonelli was reported in 8 Days magazine in March.

Then in April, the publication reported that MediaCorp actor Qi Yuwu was dating Peh, much to everyone’s incredulity, including mine. But now, eight months later, they’re apparently still together just to spite me.



I once tried to broach the subject with their artiste manager, but unluckily for me, the artiste manager headed me off at the pass: “Don’t ask me if it’s a publicity stunt hor.”

I mentioned how my column on Peh’s surprise split with Tonelli seemed to be popular since the article was reproduced on three AsiaOne-related sites, which was a record for me.

The artiste manager replied: “So she helped not only 8 Days’ sales.”

But despite my hard-hitting analysis of the Peh-Tonelli break-up, my greatest journalistic achievement of 2013 is that I’m the first person to use the word “selfie” in a Singapore Press Holdings newspaper article.

I looked it up.

Before I used the word in my Mother’s Day column on May 12 for a “Yo mama” joke (“Yo mama so ugly, she took a selfie with Instagram and broke the Internet”), the only previous appearance of the word in an SPH paper was eight days earlier in a caption for a newswire photo in The Straits Times.



The caption was: “A Javanese dancer in traditional costume taking a ‘selfie’ – a type of self-portrait – on Monday.”

The word was so unfamiliar at the time that a definition had to be provided. Now, mere seven months later, even I’m sick of the word.

Before May, the word never appeared in The Straits Times, The New Paper, The Business Times or MyPaper.

In May, “selfie” was used twice – in the caption and my column. In June and July, four and three times respectively.

Then the numbers surged to double digits in the following months, partly thanks to the emergence of Singapore’s sultan of selfies, Mr Baey Yam Keng, otherwise known as the Member of Parliament for Tampines GRC.

So far in December alone, the word has appeared in SPH papers more than 40 times (not counting this column you're reading), the most yet.

Is it any wonder “selfie” is the Oxford Dictionaries Word of the Year?

Unluckily for me, I won’t be getting any award for my achievement. But then I’m no Anthony Chen. The Ilo Ilo director has won more fiim awards this year than Mr Baey has taken selfies.

Speaking of films I don’t want to see, whatever happened to the much publicised Ris Low movie, Justice Devil?



The unappealing trailer was released in early September and the movie was supposed to follow two weeks later. Well, it’s now 16 weeks later and still no movie.

Maybe 2013 isn't so unlucky after all.

That’s more than can be said for the new Downtown Line, which broke down on its opening day last Sunday and again two nights ago.

I hope the child who might have caused the most recent breakdown won’t be deported.

But living in Yew Tee, I don’t really care that much about Downtown Line since I'm unlikely to use it.

Closer to home, I'm more concerned that a bag of stool (not the kind you sit on) was left at the back door of the People's Action Party’s Yew Tee branch office two weeks ago.

I could’ve used a bag of stool in the beginning of 2013.

Some guys have all the luck.

I can’t wait for 2014 to get here.

Hold on... isn’t the number 14 also considered unlucky by the Chinese?

Alamak. Maybe we should just skip to 2015.

- Published in The New Paper, 29 December 2013


Sunday, 24 November 2013

A Singaporean for Sexiest Man Alive?



“I’m at a payphone, trying call home, all of my change I spent on you.”

For more than a year now, I’ve been roused awake every morning by Adam Levine's high whiney voice as he sings the opening line to his band Maroon 5’s hit Payphone.

My wife uses the song as her ringtone and the morning alarm on her phone.

It could’ve been worse. It could’ve been Moves Like Jagger.

When I read last week that the US celebrity gossip magazine People selected Levine as the Sexiest Man Alive, my first reaction was – why?

Is George Clooney dead? Did I hallucinate that he’s still alive like Sandra Bullock did in the movie Gravity?

(Uh... if you haven’t seen the movie, belated spoiler alert. Sorry.)

I’m so out of touch I thought Clooney was last year’s Sexiest Man Alive. In reality, he hasn’t been Sexiest Man Alive since 2006.

Last year’s Sexiest Man Alive was Channing Tatum, who has a great body, but that face – cringe.



Still, his “epic split” on YouTube almost – almost! – rivaled Jean Claude Van Damme’s in the now famous Volvo truck commercial.

I would nominate Van Damme for the Sexiest Man Alive except I'm not 100 per cent sure he’s actually alive.



My New Paper colleague Juliana June Rasul lamented that former Young Hercules star Ryan Gosling has been passed over once again.

In accepting the SMA “award” on US talk show Jimmy Kimmel Live, Levine even thanked Gosling for “turning this down constantly”.

But then Gosling is just another white American actor. Why not someone in Singapore?

Like, say, Bobby Tonelli.

How sexy is he? Sexy enough to have dated cute MediaCorp actress Joanne Peh for about four years.

But isn't he just another white American actor too?

How about Qi Yuwu for Sexiest Man Alive then?

How sexy is he? Sexy enough to date Joanne Peh after she broke up with Bobby Tonelli.

But then after her split with Tonelli, Peh said that she did not want to date someone “too good-looking” – and she picked Qi.

So maybe Qi isn’t so sexy after all.

Speaking of unexpected couplings, how about former national footballer Quah Kim Song, who’s dating Workers’ Party chairman Sylvia Lim?



He may not be the sexiest, but he deserves some sort of award just for being 61 and hooking up with a woman 13 years younger. Instead of Sexiest Man Alive, he can be Man Alive.

How about Ilo Ilo director Anthony Chen? He has already won every award in the known universe. He might as well be Sexiest Man Alive too.



Or how about the men in the sex-for-fill-in-the-blank trials earlier this year?

We have former Central Narcotics Bureau chief Ng Boon Gay, former Singapore Civil Defence Force chief Peter Lim and former National University of Singapore law professor Tey Tsun Hang.

Sure, they’re not lookers in the sense that Joanne Peh could’ve dated them after Bobby Tonelli, but the trials revealed that these three are pretty virile guys.

So who would you rather?

Gun to my head, I’d pick Ng. (Please don’t point a gun to my head.)



He looks lean and fit - plus the star witness of his trial was Ms Cecilia Sue, who is way hotter than Ms Pang Chor Mui and Ms Darinne Ko. That makes him hotter too.

Ng also gets bonus points for being the only one of the three men who was acquitted. So he's more likely to be available for a cover shoot.

But who am I kidding?

Tonelli, Qi, Quah, Chen, Ng, Lim, Tey – I’m just using them to fill space until I can get to the one Singaporean who can truly be called Sexiest Man Alive.

I am, of course, talking about Mr Baey Yam Keng.

Being Singapore’s sultan of selfies, Mr Baey can shoot his own cover picture.

I believe Oxford Dictionaries last week declared “selfie” the word of the year because of the ridiculously photogenic Member of Parliament for Tampines.

But he’s not all “me, me, me”.

He’s also selfless, recently giving a pro tip to Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong on Instagram: “PM, hold your camera higher next time, it will look even better.”



I hope PM Lee follows Mr Baey’s advice as I don’t want to see any double chins in the selfies of our head of Government.

Movember? Mr Baey grows his ’stache all year long. Well, except for when he has to perform in a Teochew opera.

Earlier this month, he shaved off his facial hair for a role in an opera at the Wan Qing Culturefest. You know how politicians like to wayang? This is real wayang.



I wish I can get a recording of the opera. Anything to replace the ringtone on my wife’s phone.

One year of waking up with Adam Levine is enough. Even if he is Sexiest Man Alive.

I wouldn’t mind waking up with Mr Baey though. And I don’t just mean the ringtone.

- Published in The New Paper, 24 November 2013

UPDATE: What a day... I mean Baey... I mean day

TRENDING POSTS OF THE WEEK