Countdown petition showdown: Why I'm terrified of Adam Lambert fans

I have been writing this column since 2008. It was so long ago we were still looking for Mas Selamat.

So it’s inevitable that I have received a few complaints over the years. Just a few.

For example, in 2010, I wrote about SMRT bus commuters being overcharged after the new distance-based fare system was implemented.

I called it a “betrayal of public trust” and added with other-worldly prescience: “Such incompetence has resulted only in minor financial loss, but what if the transport companies are just as inept in the maintenance of vehicles?”

Well, the answer to that question last week was that some students were late for their A-level exams. It stopped being a hypothetical a long time ago.

But the Land Transport Authority (LTA) disagreed with my column, writing in to complain that it was “really not a fair comment”.

I have since written numerous articles about the even more numerous train breakdowns due to the transport companies being inept.



Yet I haven’t heard anything from LTA since 2010. Hmm, I wonder why.

But of all the people who have written in to complain about this column, there is one group I fear even more than LTA.

Adam Lambert fans.



They scare me to death.

In 2013, I wrote about the Media Development Authority giving a Lambert concert in Singapore “an advisory rating for those 16 and above with the consumer advice, ‘some mature content’ as it will feature two songs from Adam Lambert’s audio album, Trespassing – Outlaws Of Love and Shady – whose lyrics are based on the singer’s personal experiences and lifestyle.”



In the column, I wondered what exactly “outlaws of love” were and came up with a few possibilities, such as teachers having sex with their underage students in HDB stairwells.

The Glamberts weren’t amused.

First, they attacked me on Twitter: “That’s gotta be the most bizarre nonsensical shit I’ve ever read.”

And “What kind of sick mind does that jerk have anyway?”

And “Yeah. Ignorant asshat.”

Then they fired their e-mails:

“I’d like to question the research and professionalism put into the writing of this piece...

“Is it talking about the NC16 advisory rating on Adam Lambert’s concert?

“What is the relevance of bringing up the comfort and ‘ergonomic advantages’ of sexual activities in HDB staircases and the author’s ‘own experiments’?

“Also, what is S M Ong trying to say when he writes ‘while a couple may fear being caught having sex in the stairwell (though that may be part of the thrill), it would be far more traumatising for me to chance upon you having sex in the stairwell (especially if I don’t have a camera phone with me)’?

“Is he trying to promote exhibitionism?”

That hurt. I had been called plenty of awful things in my lifetime but never an exhibitionism promoter.

I learnt my lesson, though.

I would never do anything to offend Lambert fans again.

I’ll just stick to offending Clay Aiken fans.



And maybe LTA.

But unfortunately, not everyone has learnt the lesson.

Like the people who created and signed the online “Petition against Adam Lambert performing in Countdown 2016” last week.

The petition said the US singer is “a performer fraught with controversy even in his home country” and is “well-known for his active promotion of a highly sexualised lifestyle and LGBT rights, both of which are contrary to mainstream Singaporean values”.

In other words, he is an outlaw of love. Ahem.

Of course, the Glamberts would retaliate, as I have experienced their wrath first-hand.

Another online petition called “We want Adam Lambert performing in Countdown 2016” was created and so far, it has collected more signatures than the first petition.

I didn’t sign either one because both are wrong.

There is no “Countdown 2016”.

The MediaCorp New Year’s Eve show that Lambert may or may not be performing in is actually called Celebrate 2016.



Up to now, MediaCorp’s only response to the controversy is “Celebrate 2016 will be suitable for family audiences and conform with broadcast regulations,” which basically says nothing at all.

The national broadcaster just can’t seem to catch a break with its New Year’s Eve show.

Two New Year’s Eves ago, the show was lambasted for being too “cheena” by theatre doyen Ivan Heng, who is married to another man.



So a show that was once criticised by an openly gay man for not being diverse enough is now being criticised for being perhaps a little too diverse by having an openly gay man on the show.

MediaCorp just can’t win.

For now, it seems that Lambert is still set to perform in Celebrate 2016 (not Countdown 2016). Glamberts, rejoice!



Heaven forbid anyone accuses MediaCorp of promoting exhibitionism.

I’ve been there.

No one likes getting complaints.

- Published in The New Paper, 29 November 2015

Why I'm afraid to bump into Glenn Ong

Sometimes I’m asked whether the famous people I write about have ever responded to my column.

Like, did my former MediaCorp colleague Gurmit Singh reply to my open letter asking him to introduce his open letter-writing daughter Gabrielle to my son after the Forever 21 incident last October?

Did SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek come after me for suggesting that his company should follow parody site SMRT Ltd (Feedback) and have a disclaimer on its Facebook page that says, “Believing in us is like believing that Kong Hee is Jesus”?

And did Ah Boys To Frogmen filmmaker Jack Neo address the objections by some former naval divers last March that he was directing a movie about the Naval Diving Unit despite being an “arsehole” who has “no clue as to what directing a movie requires”, to quote one incensed ex-frogman?



To answer all those questions — no, they have better things to do than bother with a column called “Act Blur”.

I mean, it’s no Heart Truths.

I doubt if they’re even aware I exist. Or perhaps in Gurmit’s case, he would rather pretend I didn’t.

But there have been a few rare occasions where the subjects of this column acknowledged that they were the subjects of this column.

I may not have heard from the SMRT CEO, but online pranksters SMRT Ltd (Feedback) tweeted, “@sm0ng is the first columnist from The New Paper that actually made sense about us,” after I wrote about them two weeks ago.

@sm0ng is the first columnist from The New Paper that actually made sense about us.
— SMRT Feedback (@smrtsg) January 5, 2015

I just hope they weren’t being sarcastic.

You can never really tell what the reaction would be.

That was why I avoided Mr Baey Yam Keng when I saw the Member of Parliament for Tampines GRC at the Swissotel Vertical Marathon in 2013. This was on the same Sunday I nominated him as the Singapore candidate for People magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive.

Would he be flattered? Would he think I was being sarcastic? Or would be insulted that I was interested in him only for his body?

So I kept him at Baey, pun intended.

A photo posted by SM Ong (@sm_ong) on Nov 23, 2013 at 6:24pm PST

But you know who I’m afraid to bump into the most?

Glenn Ong.

He was in the news recently for quitting MediaCorp Radio after almost two decades as a DJ there.

I have written about him a few times over the years, usually to make fun of his marriages.

Remember TVMobile? It let you watch TV on the bus. Even though people hated it, complaining about the noise and that it showed too many Chinese programmes, TVMobile inexplicably lasted from 2001 until it was finally put out of its misery at the end of 2009.



In a column celebrating its overdue demise, I expressed amazement that TVMobile lasted longer than Ong’s second marriage.

I wrote:

“And if you take into account that the public trial for TVMobile started in 1999, it actually outlasted both of Ong's marriages to Kate Reyes (2000 to 2003) and Jamie Yeo (2004 to 2009).”

After the article came out, I was a little worried that he would call me out on his radio show and recommend that I should be put to sleep like a mad dog or something.

But I flattered myself. Why would he bother with a nobody like me?

Two years after his break-up with Yeo, Ong announced his engagement to Jean Danker, another MediaCorp radio DJ, like his two ex-wives were.

It was as if the man was addicted to marrying his colleagues. He was going to run out soon.

So I wrote in a column:

“Someone should do an intervention and save him from himself — and also Danker from becoming the next member of his Obedient Ex-Wives Club.”

I braced myself for a response from him, but once again, I flattered myself.



A year later, their wedding plans were put on hold.

Danker told The New Paper in May 2012: “The gowns were beautiful. Then I was like oh-oh, we were jumping the gun. I panicked a bit.”

Even Ong said: “Many times, I feel like I shouldn't have proposed.”

They’re still not married today, although apparently, they’re still engaged.

Did my column have anything to do with their cold feet?

I shouldn’t flatter myself. Even though I met Ong once a long time ago in the 90s, he probably doesn’t even remember I exist.

Then on Jan 7 last year, out of the blue, I received this tweet from “Glenn Egoman Ong”: “Wahaha! Smong Smong...”

It was him!

He does remember I exist. I was flattered and panicking at the same time.

But to my surprise, his tweet wasn’t related to anything I had written about him. It contained a link to an article I wrote about another celebrity called “Why was Ivan Heng watching TV on New Year’s Eve?”

Wahaha! Smong Smong... Why was Ivan Heng watching TV on New Year's Eve? | My Paper | 我报 http://t.co/sy7lfr1APP”
— Glenn Egoman Ong (@GlennEgoman) January 7, 2014

Hmmm, so it’s possible that Ong is aware of my existence and yet hasn’t read any of my columns about him?

Interesting.

I was worried there for a moment.

Last week, it was announced that Ong has a new job as director at a consulting firm called CIR VIS.

So now he has a new bunch of colleagues he can marry.

That’s a relief.

And no, I haven’t heard from Ivan Heng.

- Published in The New Paper, 18 January 2015




UPDATE: Another 'online spat': Glenn Ong versus... me?

Hello, Dim Sum Dollies: MDA & the Streisand Effect

I have never been to a Dim Sum Dollies show.

The closest I’ve come is eating dim sum on a doily, which is really not very close, I know.

The second closest was when I was forced to listen to the Dim Sum Dollies singing “Train is coming, train is coming” on the MRT platform four years ago every time a train was coming.

It was so annoying that someone created a Facebook community page called “Dim Sum Dollies — Love Your Ride (SMRT Campaign) Please SHUT the F*CK UP”.

It wasn’t me.

The page is still there. It has 39 likes.



But despite all that, I’m actually considering going to see the Dim Sum Dollies’ The History Of Singapore Part 2, which opened at the Esplanade Theatre on Thursday and will run until Dec 23.

Why?

Is it because it stars Selena Tan, Pam Oei and Denise Tan as the Dollies with their Chopstick, Hossan Leong, plus six “sizzling Loh Mai Guys”?

Or is it because the show’s music is by Elaine Chan, who with Selena, wrote last year’s official National Day song, One Singapore, which was so viciously ripped apart that no one dared to introduce a new official National Day song this year?



Or is it because since they’re called Dim Sum Dollies, I think there’ll be food?

No.

It’s because of the Media Development Authority (MDA).

Thanks to MDA, the Dollies got some free publicity last week.

The Straits Times reported that MDA gave the show an Advisory 16 (Some Mature Content) rating three days before the show’s opening.



MDA said that the rating is for the show’s “satirical socio-political references, which would be more suited for a mature audience”.

But that doesn’t mean you have to be 16 or older to watch the Dollies make fun of “Ribena kids”, “Talentime scores” and the “Anson Bye-Bye election” in the show, although you probably have to over 36 to get those references.

MDA explained: “The Advisory 16 rating is not age-restrictive and serves to allow consumers to make an informed viewing choice.”

Which means my 15-year-old daughter can watch the Dim Sum Dollies show, not that she would want to since Benedict Cumberbatch isn’t in it.

And that’s her informed viewing choice.

It could’ve been worse for the Dollies.

At least they didn’t get the dreaded Not Allowed for All Ratings (NAR) classification, the fate that befell director Tan Pin Pin’s documentary To Singapore, With Love and director Ken Kwek’s 2012 movie Sex.Violence.FamilyValues.



Singaporeans had to brave a trip to Johor to watch Tan’s doc and Kwek re-edited his movie to get an R21 rating for it to be eventually shown in a Singapore cinema.

So the Dollies got off relatively easy.

Yet MDA was harshly criticised on Facebook by Cultural Medallion-laden theatre wild man, Channel 5 year-end countdown show critic and former Buckingham Palace banquet guest Ivan Heng.



He posted:

“Frankly, it is shockingly inept, cruel and irresponsible of the MDA to have kept the Dim Sum Dollies waiting until three days before their opening to award them a licence... To add insult to injury, the show has been slapped with an ‘Advisory 16 (Some Mature Content) - on account of sociopolitical references in the work’ recommendation.”

This was before MDA clarified that the rating isn’t age-restrictive.

To add more insult to the “shockingly inept, cruel and irresponsible” insult, Heng wrote:

“Please. Let’s just rename the MDA the Media REGULATION Authority?”

Ooh, harsh.

But near the end of his post, Heng wrote these encouraging words for the Dollies:

“I trust this debacle hasn’t dampened your spirits. If anything, take comfort in knowing it will help you sell more tickets.”

He’s right. If not for the “debacle”, I wouldn’t even be aware of the Dim Sum Dollies show.

So it would seem the MDA’s attempt to “regulate” the show has backfired as it has created more publicity and interest in the show. Heck, even I’m writing about those damn Dollies!

The same thing happened to To Singapore, With Love and Sex.Violence.FamilyValues.

This phenomenon is called the Streisand Effect, named after US entertainer Barbra Streisand.



For those of you too young to know who Streisand is, she’s like the Taylor Swift and Angelina Jolie of her time but with a nose bigger than both of theirs combined.

She had numerous No. 1 albums and singles, starred in and directed hit movies, and won Grammys and Oscars in her half-century career.

Now 72, she’s still got it. Her latest album, Partners, debuted at the top of the Billboard chart just three months ago.



In 2003, to protect her privacy, Babs sued to have a photo of her California seaside home removed from a website.

As a result of her unsuccessful attempt to suppress the photo, more people knew about and saw the photo.

And hello, Dollies, the Streisand Effect was born.



You would think that after all this time, MDA would’ve learnt about the Streisand Effect of its actions. Surely, somebody there must know.

How could anyone be so...

Wait a minute.

Is it possible that MDA isn’t as “shockingly inept” as Heng thinks it is?

After all, this is an organisation smart enough not to hire me even though I’ve applied for a job there a couple of times.

Could it be that MDA has been slyly living up to what the D stands for by developing local talent like Tan Pin Pin and Ken Kwek in its own unexpected way? (Wink, wink.)



I mean, even after the MDA rating controversy, Tan is one of the seven film-makers collaborating on the SG50 project, 7 Letters, funded by the Singapore Film Commission, which is part of MDA.

And Kwek received a $20,000 script development grant from MDA for his new M18-rated movie, Unlucky Plaza, which opened the Singapore International Film Festival earlier this month.



So no, Ivan Heng, I don’t think we should rename MDA the “Media REGULATION Authority”.

In fact, Dim Sum Dollies should be grateful to MDA for regulating them.

If not for the MDA advisory, I would’ve never gone to the Sistic website to find out that a ticket to The History Of Singapore Part 2 costs... what?!

$58 each for the cheapest seats?

I think I’ll go watch The Hobbit instead.



It’s rated PG13. I can take my daughter. Cumberbatch plays the dragon.

We could just have some dim sum after the movie.

Maybe even on a doily.

- Published in The New Paper, 14 December 2014

On Her Majesty's not-so-secret guest list: How come Ivan Heng got invited & not me?

Okay, I admit it. I’m jealous of Ivan Heng.

The theatre veteran and Cultural Medallion recipient was invited to the state banquet in Buckingham Palace with the Queen in honour of President Tony Tan Keng Yam during his UK visit last week.



And when I say “Queen”, I don’t mean Kumar. I mean Queen Elizabeth II of England.

As my Hokkien wife taught me to say: “Bo jio!”

(As defined by the ever-reliable online bible on Singaporean phrases, Wikipedia, “bo jio” means “you didn’t invite me”.)



Why am I jealous?

Free food!

Granted, it’s British food. But still, free food!

At least, I assume it’s free. I mean, you don’t have to prepare a hongbao, right?

Can you use Singapore dollars or must it be in British pound? Will the euro do?

How much do you give the Queen of England anyway?

Isn’t it enough we have to pay so much to watch English football on TV?

Who am I kidding? I don’t even watch football or give hongbao at wedding dinners.

Wait, wasn’t Heng the same guy whose life was so boring that he spent New Year’s Eve watching TV and complaining about the “cheena” Channel 5 countdown show on Facebook?

And now he gets invited to makan with Kate Middleton’s grandmother-in-law.

What changed between New Year’s Eve and last week that suddenly made him so invitable to royal shindigs hosted by a Helen Mirren impersonator?



Well, in August, Heng married Briton Tony Trickett in London.

I looked at my Hokkien wife disappointedly.

Why couldn’t we have married in England? Why couldn’t she be British? Why couldn’t she be a man?

Is that too much to ask for?

Perhaps Heng was invited by the Queen to make up for Section 377A, which came from the British, our former colonial masters, who repealed the anti-gay law in 1967 in England, yet Section 377A remains in Singapore in 2014.

If only Heng and Mr Trickett had hatched an egg together in a zoo, they could be removed from the library children’s section and placed in the adult section after weeks of controversy.

If they had been an Archie comic book, they would not have been allowed to be imported and distributed in retail outlets.

But if they had been an X-Men comic book, they would not be banned because they offered a balanced treatment on the issue of gay marriage.



Which is good because I bought the X-Men comic book as a present for my daughter’s 15th birthday last month even though she’s more into the Winter Soldier now, thanks to the movie.

Am I the only one who finds the new Avengers: Age Of Ultron teaser trailer kind of “meh”?

Sure, the Iron Man Hulkbuster suit is cool, but everything else seem so superhero generic. A little Blue Swede would’ve hit the spot.



That’s just a sample of the marvellous small talk I would’ve exchanged with the Queen had I been invited to the palace.

Did you see Renee Zellweger’s new face? What happened to her eyes? She doesn’t look like me any more.

I would also show Her Majesty the latest viral videos in Singapore on my new still-unbent iPhone 6.

Like the one where people coming up an escalator were forced into intimate positions with strangers one after another on a packed platform at the Lakeside MRT station.

Post by Joel Rasis.

Can Her Majesty see what SMRT is doing to her loyal Commonwealth subjects?

But I wouldn’t show her the video of an amorous young couple caught in an HDB stairwell perhaps training for a different type of vertical marathon because showing such a thing to the Queen would be inappropriate.

I would also steer the conversation away from the subject of the billion-dollar Singapore Sports Hub and its five-cent pitch, which should be easy to do unless Her Majesty happens to be a Jay Chou fan.

I would talk instead about how Singapore was just named the second best country in the world for expatriates by HSBC and the top country to visit in 2015 by Lonely Planet.

But I wouldn’t point out that the other countries in Lonely Planet’s top 10 – Namibia, Lithuania, Nicaragua, Ireland, Republic of Congo, Serbia, the Philippines, Saint Lucia and Morocco – aren’t exactly on my bucket list as places I want to visit before I die of Ebola.

What a great achievement for Singapore to beat second-place Namibia, a country on the same continent as where the Ebola outbreak started. We should definitely bat ourselves... I mean, pat ourselves on the back for that.



Oops, I’m sorry, Your Majesty. I didn’t mean to ruin your appetite. I’m sure you don’t serve bushmeat here at Buckingham Palace.

Uh...

Perhaps it’s a good thing I was not invited to the royal banquet after all.

Ivan Heng would definitely make a better guest. He could complain to the Queen about Channel 5’s New Year’s Eve show.

- Published in The New Paper, 26 October 2014

Why was Ivan Heng 'flipping channels' on New Year's Eve?

Why does it always seem that everyone is having more fun than me?

I didn’t attend any New Year’s Eve party last week, even though there were parties all over Singapore.

On Sentosa, 18,000 people welcomed 2014 at the Siloso Beach Party.



Coincidentally, 18,000 were also reportedly the number of party-goers at Marina Bay for MediaCorp’s Celebrate TV50 show, which doubled as Channel 5’s New Year’s Eve countdown show.

And apparently, 30,000 showed up for the Boon Lay countdown party, which included fireworks.

Wait, what? Boon Lay? Fireworks?

I understand fireworks at Siloso Beach and Marina Bay, but how come the boonies like Boon Lay can get fireworks?

I live just seven MRT stations from Boon Lay in Yew Tee. We didn’t get any fireworks.

Jealous? You bet I am.



You know what I was doing on New Year’s Eve? I was at home, playing mahjong with my wife and two teenage kids.

(You see, the Government had the foresight to tell us to stop at two all those decades ago because a family of four is the perfect number of people to play mahjong.)

But you know what is worse than playing mahjong with your wife and two kids at home on New Year’s Eve while everyone else is partying and enjoying the fireworks?

It’s playing mahjong with your wife and two kids at home on New Year’s Eve and losing.

I lost so badly that for Chinese New Year, I expect my kids to give me a hongbao instead.

Not that we played for money. That would be gambling – and wrong.

So to distract myself from another losing hand, I turned on the TV for the Channel 5 countdown show a few minutes before midnight.



I was just in time to catch the performance of UK boyband The Wanted, who are supposedly in a feud with another UK boyband, One Direction.

I used to prefer 1D, but their last few singles kinda sucked. (I’m bracing myself for the hate mail from Directioners in my inbox tomorrow.)



Come on, the chorus for the One Direction song Midnight Memories is basically a rewrite of Def Leppard’s Pour Some Sugar On Me with only slightly less inane lyrics.



Then on the New Year’s Eve show, I heard The Wanted sing We Own The Night and it’s their best song ever. And that Siva Kaneswaran is such a hottie.

So at the stroke of midnight, the new year began with one new The Wanted fan – me.

Hello, 2014. Goodbye, the Harry Styles poster on my bedroom wall.



And that was my New Year’s Eve.

So I was rather surprised to read about theatre veteran Ivan Heng slamming the countdown show on Facebook.



Calling the show “cheena”, Heng wrote:

“I kept flipping channels to double-check to see if I was watching Channel 8 or CTV. Jack Neo and Zoe Tay wished me Happy New Year in Mandarin, and Wang Lee Hom took to the stage as the main act. Wake up your ideas, MediaCorp.”

He neglected to mention The Wanted, who are not “cheena” at all. In fact, Siva Kaneswaran is half Sri Lankan Tamil. Wake up your idea, Ivan Heng.

Even MediaCorp-owned Today newspaper reported that the countdown show was “conceived as a multi-lingual, multi-cultural show to reflect Singapore’s multi-cultural heritage”.

But Heng wasn’t the only one who complained about the over-Chineseness of the show.

Another widely shared Facebook post criticising MediaCorp by a Mr Ravi Samuel called the show “a linguistic assault on the non-Chinese and non-Chinese speaking among us”.

A blogger, Mr Abdillah Zamzuri, wondered if “this was the intended direction of the leadership – to move Singapore towards a more China-based or Chinese-speaking audience”.

That would explain MediaCorp organising the Chinesey-sounding “Hong Bao Run” next month.



And what about playing mahjong on New Year's Eve? That’s so “cheena” too.

But you know what surprises me most about Heng’s Facebook post?

The 50-year-old founding artistic director of Wild Rice theatre company, who was awarded the Cultural Medallion last year, has been known to throw some fabulous parties where he usually dressed up as a woman.

How is it that on New Year’s Eve, this Wild Rice and crazy guy had nothing better to do than watch the boob tube?

That’s even more shocking than Boon Lay getting fireworks. I'm sure MediaCorp is grateful for the viewership, but still.

What is he – me?

But being a bachelor, Heng doesn’t even have a wife and kids to play mahjong with.

So maybe I had more fun than at least one person in Singapore on New Year’s Eve.

He could be a Directioner.

- Published in The New Paper, 5 January 2013



UPDATE: Ivan Heng is not a bachelor any more

Kumar lied! I will never believe celebrities again

Spoiler alert!

Kumar is homosexual.

That's what has been revealed in the new book about the comedian entitled Kumar: From Rags To Drag, launched last Tuesday.



Now you don’t have to buy the book. I just saved you $33. You’re welcome.

What do you mean you already knew he’s gay?

Huh? Everyone knew? How did everyone know?

So what if he dresses up as a woman as part of his comedy act? That doesn’t automatically mean he’s gay.

Jack Neo used to dress up as Liang Po Po and Liang Xi Mei on TV.

Ivan Heng dressed up as Emily in the play Emily Of Emerald Hill.

Glen Goei dressed up as a man playing a woman in M Butterfly on stage.

Irene Ang dressed up as Rosie Phua on Phua Chu Kang.

Michelle Chong dressed up as Barbarella on The Noose.

Does Dennis Chew still dress up as Aunty Lucy?

Surely, they all can't be gay.

No, wait, Irene Ang and Michelle Chong are women. Sorry, my mistake. I got a little carried away there. Where was I? Oh yah...

Can’t a man dress up like a woman without people jumping to conclusion that he’s gay?

I used to enjoy trying on my mother’s underwear as a teenager and I’m not gay.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.



But you know the biggest reason I thought Kumar wasn’t gay?

Because he said so.

Back in 1993, he told The New Paper: “I’m not gay.”

And I believed him.

I mean, didn’t everyone?

Maybe I'm naive, but I trust celebrities. Why else would advertisers pay celebrities so much money to endorse their products?

I took Imedeen pills for my skin because Zoe Tay said her secret was that she swallowed. Don't tell me she actually spat.



When confronted with the gay question, Kumar could've said “no comment” or “I don't want to talk about my personal life” or “none of your business”.

But he addressed it head-on. I remember being very impressed by that.

Now, of course, he has revealed in the book that it was all a lie.

The issue isn’t that he’s gay. The issue is that he was dishonest.

I’m so disillusioned.

If you can’t trust a cross-dressing comedian, who in this world can you trust?

I haven’t felt this disillusioned since Glenn Ong and Jamie Yeo split up in 2009.

Back in 2004, he had told The New Paper that she was “the one”. Then earlier this year, he said his new fiancée Jean Danker is "the one".



How can I believe you now, Glenn?

In a few years, will Georgina Chang be “the one” next?

By the same token, how can I trust Kumar now?

If he could lie about not being gay 18 years ago, could he also be lying this time round about being gay just to get publicity for the book?

Maybe in a few years when he has a new movie to promote, he will admit that he's not gay after all.

And then a few years after that, when he has a new line of designer saris to promote, he can admit to being gay again.

This gay thing can be like a recyclable publicity resource for him.

But I’ve learned my lesson. I shall never believe anything celebrities say again.

The next time I see Gurmit Singh host a show on TV and say, “We have a great show for you tonight,” I will retort, “No, you don’t.”

That’ll teach him.

- Published in The New Paper, 18 September 2011

Hello S M Ong,

When I watched Jack Neo cross-dressing, my comment was 'he can act as a woman' but when I see Kumar with his mannerism, my impression was 'he is a pondan'. No debate as to why i categorized and pigeon-holed them like that. My two cents' opinion.

Thanks
Teo

Daddy, why is that man wearing a dress?

It was not a pretty sight.

No, actually, at first I thought the picture of TheatreWorks’ Ong Keng Sen wearing heavy make-up, pearls, a black dress and a blue wig in The Straits Times recently was quite pretty.

Until I realised it was Ong Keng Sen - a man. And suddenly I had to explain to my 11-year-old son why it’s not all right for him to try on his sister’s clothes – at least not without his sister’s signed consent.

Ong was promoting his new play, Vivien And The Shadows, where he will be acting as a guy who “imagines himself” to be Vivien Leigh.



I told my son: “That man is acting as a woman in a play. That is the reason – and only reason – he is dressed like a woman.”

Then my son asked: Why didn’t they just get a woman to act as a woman?

“Because,” I said, “the character is not really a woman, but a man who is acting as a woman.”

“But why is the man acting as a woman?” he asked.

This was going nowhere.

So I went into this spiel about how in Shakespeare’s day, women weren’t allowed to act in theatre, so men had to play all the women’s parts as well.

Then it occurred to me it must have been damn confusing back then for audiences watching The Merchant Of Venice when the character of Portia, a woman who pretended to be a man, had to be played by a man pretending to be a woman who pretended to be a man. It was like a reverse Victor/Victoria without the big musical numbers.

My son’s response: "What is a Shakespeare?"

I sighed and decided it was time to just make something up.

I said the Government wanted Singapore women to have more babies, but all these women were too busy working. So the Government was phasing out all these women’s jobs so that they could stay home and have more babies. One of these women’s jobs was acting as women in plays.

My son stared at me blankly. Then he asked, “Is he like Kumar?”

I said yes.

He said, “Oh” and returned to bugging me to get him a PSP for Christmas.

A few days later on Tuesday, my 9-year-old daughter saw a picture of Ivan Heng in drag in the newspaper and wanted to lend her brother her clothes.

- Published in The New Paper, 12 Oct 2008