Khaw-ed by a balloon? MRT breakdowns no enough, so they faked one

Has he quit yet?

It has been 17 long days since Mr Khaw Boon Wan was sworn in as the new Minister of Transport on Oct 1.

Wasn’t there a power fault disrupting train service for half an hour on the North-East Line (NEL) on Tuesday?

It's the first MRT breakdown since Mr Khaw became transport minister.

What, no harakiri?



McDonald’s even brought back the Samurai burger for the occasion. (Don’t forget the seaweed fries.)

After all, isn’t the Ministry of Transport where political careers go to die?

That’s not me saying it. It was The Straits Times.

To quote:

“The transport portfolio seems to be a graveyard for ministers, cutting short promising political careers with its challenges.”

Buried in this graveyard are the ministerial careers of Mr Raymond Lim (2006-2011) and Mr Lui Tuck Yew (2011-2015), who some say committed career harakiri by resigning just before the General Election for the sake of the ruling People’s Action Party.

Someone buy him a Samurai burger.

Banzai!



But it wasn’t always like this.

I know it’s hard for younger Singaporeans to imagine, but once upon a time in Singapore, the sky was haze-free for 12 months a year, compact disc shops were in every shopping centre and MRT breakdowns were virtually unheard of.

Then, on Dec 15, 2011, it all changed.

An estimated 127,000 people were affected by what was then called the worst MRT breakdown in 24 years. Two days later, another breakdown occurred, affecting 94,000 people.

The new normal had arrived.



A big movie around the time was The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1. It might as well be The MRT Saga: Breaking Down Part 1.

But unlike The Twilight Saga, which ended with Breaking Dawn Part 2, The MRT Saga is still ongoing with Breaking Down Part 94 and counting.

So I was surprised to learn that on Wednesday, the Land Transport Authority, SMRT and SBS Transit conducted an exercise to test their management and readiness plans in the event of major train service disruptions.

Don’t they have enough practice already?

Why do they have to pretend to have a train service disruption to test their readiness?

Wasn’t there a train service disruption just the day before to do that?

Or were they not ready?



But I guess no matter how ready you think you are, you can never be really prepared for everything.

The MRT has been the target of vandals, possible terrorists and priority seat hogs, but recently, a new unexpected threat has emerged.

Balloons.

Shiny, metallic balloons.

SBS Transit told The Straits Times that a train disruption on the NEL on April 6 last year was caused by a passenger who had accidentally released an aluminium foil helium balloon.

It slipped into the tunnel at Boon Keng station when the platform doors opened and came into contact with an electrical insulator of the power supply system on the ceiling.

This caused an electrical fault, which led to the disruption.

So all this time, we have signs telling us not to bring durians onto the train when we really should have “no balloons” signs because no train service has ever been disrupted by a durian. Yet.

Since the sale of chewing gum was famously banned in Singapore after gum was found to be the cause of two train service disruptions in 1991, should the sale of aluminium foil balloons be banned next?

Will we soon be asking our friends to buy aluminium foil balloons for us from overseas?

Will dental aluminium foil balloons be exempted from the ban?

Will we still be able to buy aluminium foil balloons at pharmacies for medical purposes?

But so far, all that has been done to prevent any more balloon-related train service disruptions is posters urging passengers to hold their balloons tightly, “especially the metallic shiny ones”.



But if an errant floater does cause another breakdown, at least we can rest assured knowing the transport companies are conducting drills for such an emergency, like they did on Wednesday.

As it turned out, it was the new Transport Minister, Mr Khaw, who asked for the exercise to be carried out this month.

So will the man — whom some have called Mr Fix-It — be able to fix the MRT and whistle his way past the graveyard?

Or will he be foiled by a balloon?

Aluminium-foiled, that is.

- Published in The New Paper, 18 October 2015

Lui Tuck Yew's new job: PAP mascot

Even though the Transport Minister is not running for office this election, that doesn't mean he's not contributing to his party.

Spotted at the East Coast GRC rally, Comrade Lui Tuck Yew, in full support! #ge2015 #pap4sg >> https://twitter.com/papsingapore/status/639618381587419136>> www.instagram.com/papsingapore
Posted by People's Action Party on Thursday, September 3, 2015

Live from East Coast GRC rally site. Outgoing Transport Minister Lui Tuck Yew is there too.
Posted by Mothership.sg on Thursday, September 3, 2015

Outgoing transport minister Lui Tuck Yew is not running in #GE2015 but he is busier than ever helping out in Tanjong Pagar GRC. PHOTOS: MELVIN YONG/ FACEBOOK
Posted by The Straits Times on Tuesday, September 1, 2015

JUNE 2016 UPDATE: Mr Lui Tuck Yew is appointed Chip Eng Seng independent director

Why Lui Tuck Yew quit (And why ex-navy chiefs are running our transport system)

A long time ago, I met Mr Lui Tuck Yew when he was nobody.

Okay, he wasn’t exactly nobody at the time. He was the outgoing Chief of Navy.

But this was long before he became Transport Minister and even longer before Mr Brown wrote a song named after him.



So as far as most Singaporeans were concerned, Mr Lui was nobody.

Actually, even I didn’t know who he was — and I was an NSman in the navy that he was chief of.

But it was because I was a navy NSman that I got to meet him.

In 2003, I got a call from my coxswain (which is the term for the guy in charge of the ship’s crew who’s not an officer), asking me if I wanted to go to some sort of navy function.

He said the magic words — “free food”.

And that was how I found myself in the Chinese restaurant in the Mount Faber Safra clubhouse at Telok Blangah Way some days later.

I still wasn’t sure what the occasion was. All I knew was that my commanding officer (CO) had bought three tables for the crew and my dinner was paid for.

But I got restless waiting for the food between courses and to make small talk, I asked what exactly we were doing there.

That was when I found out I was attending the farewell dinner for the Chief of Navy.

“Who’s that?” I asked.

And I heard the name “Lui Tuck Yew” for the first time.

Who?

Someone pointed out the man of the hour to me.

“That’s him?” My first impression of Rear-Admiral Lui was that he was one ugly guy. I’m sorry, but he reminded me of the awful Asian caricature Mickey Rooney played in the old movie Breakfast At Tiffany’s.

Someone said there were rumours RADM Lui would run for office.

By then, the next dish had arrived and I stopped paying attention. I had already forgotten RADM Lui’s name.

Which made it a little awkward later when RADM Lui went around to visit every table like a newly-wed couple at a wedding dinner.

I hoped he wasn’t expecting a hongbao.

“Thanks for coming,” the future ex-Transport Minister said to me as he enthusiastically shook my hand like a long-lost acquaintance.

I wanted to say he should thank our CO for buying three tables, but RADM Lui had already moved on to enthusiastically shake the hand of the next person like a long-lost acquaintance.

Despite the rumours, he didn’t run for office immediately after leaving the navy.

He became the CEO of the Maritime and Port Authority of Singapore and later, Deputy Secretary (Land) in the Ministry of Transport.

He then became the CEO of the Housing Board in 2005.

It was three years after I heard the rumours that they finally came true and Mr Lui ran for office in 2006 as a People’s Action Party member on the Tanjong Pagar GRC team.



And last week, after nine years, news broke that Mr Lui would not run for re-election.

He didn’t say why.

But as Transport Minister, he has been blamed by many for the MRT train breakdowns. There’s even a Facebook page called “Singaporeans Demand Lui Tuck Yew to Step Down Now”.

After Mr Lui called it quits, the people behind the page claimed credit: “We did it!!! Lui Tuck Yew finally stepping down — three years after we made the call!”

We did it!!!Lui Tuck Yew finally stepping down - three years after we made the call!Good job Singapore!
Posted by Singaporeans Demand Lui Tuck Yew to Step Down Now on Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Mystery solved. Mr Lui is leaving politics because of a Facebook page with 2,818 likes.

But in the wake of his resignation, many have also come to the Transport Minister’s defence.

Even opposition leader Low Thia Khiang of the Workers’ Party reportedly said: “Despite the problems of (MRT) breakdowns, he inherited the problem from the past.”



I wonder myself why the Land Transport Authority (LTA) isn’t held more accountable for the breakdowns. Isn’t LTA also responsible for our transport system, hence its name?

By the way, the CEO of LTA, Mr Chew Men Leong, is another former Chief of Navy — and no, I wasn’t invited to his farewell dinner.

You may ask, why are two ex-navy chiefs in charge of our transport system?

Because you take a fleet of ships, slap some wheels on them, put them on tracks and what have you got? Trains!

So why isn’t there a Facebook page called “Singaporeans Demand Chew Men Leong to Step Down Now”?

Probably because as far as most Singaporeans are concerned, Mr Chew is still “nobody”, like Mr Lui was when I ate free food at his farewell dinner in 2003.

Twelve years later, Mr Lui is saying farewell again, but he’s not “nobody” any more.

This time, I won’t forget his name.

Partly thanks to that Mr Brown song.

- Published in The New Paper, 16 August 2015

To SM Ong

Indeed, Tuck Yew is a Man Of God.

He unfortunately inherited a Portfolio which was plagued with problems, technicalities and flaws. It was Raymond Lim and Saw Phaik Hwa who caused the Transport woes and debacle and they should have been taken to task.

Tuck Yew had to settle in quickly and without any learning curve was placed immediately in the super hot seat for what his predecessors had screwed up.

My respect for a Man who took up the challenge and walking in the footsteps of Jesus who bestowed him with Wisdom and Knowledge in tackling these pressing issues.

Derek without Prejudice.



Dear SM.

Those big wigs from the Ministry of Defence are "scholars". Since they are so bright they can do practically any big job, and are placed on dual career tracks (Winston Choo not included). I understand they have an armed forces rank and a twinned  "elite" Administrative Service rank when in service.

Without these elite warriors and totally meritocratic administrative geniuses where would Singapore be today, I mean, with the exception LKY, Rajaretnam, Othman Wok etc etc. who had a gullible and destitute population, and luck, a broken heart and communists and racists, and a great passion and tiny emoluments to push them on and on?

Like me, even the Opposition who are laying the foundations for a first world parliament ( Japanese? British, Taiwanese, Korean; Israeli, Malaysia? French? German? US?) has a soft spot for resigning geniuses and suspect there must be something fishy.

On my part I really should not worry because there will always be a super job waiting...! 

AY

JUNE 2016 UPDATE: Mr Lui Tuck Yew has been appointed Chip Eng Seng independent director

Tuck Yew tucks off: What exactly does a Transport Minister do anyway?

You won't have Lui Tuck Yew to kick around any more, because, gentlemen, this is his last MRT breakdown. (Nixon reference. Google it.)



The Facebook page called Singaporeans Demand Lui Tuck Yew to Step Down Now had reason to celebrate yesterday.

Hooray!!!!! (Y) #vtoSINGAPORE: Transport Minister Lui Tuck Yew will not stand for re-election in the coming General Election!!
Posted by Singaporeans Demand Lui Tuck Yew to Step Down Now on Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Ironically, the page is also celebrating the demise of its reason for existing.

But then the people behind the page could easily start another page called Singaporeans Demand (Whoever The New Transport Minister Is) to Step Down Now the next time the MRT breaks down again, which it will.

It's the circle of life.

I'm not sure about this post though:

We did it!!!Lui Tuck Yew finally stepping down - three years after we made the call!Good job Singapore!
Posted by Singaporeans Demand Lui Tuck Yew to Step Down Now on Tuesday, August 11, 2015

"We did it"?

Yeah, right. A minister quits politics because of a Facebook page with 2,819 likes. Don't stop believin'.

But is the Transport Minister really to blame for the MRT breakdowns? What exactly does he do anyway (besides expressing extreme concern)?

I mean, isn't the CEO of LTA responsible for the public transport system already? Why isn't there a Facebook page dedicated to demanding the LTA CEO to step down?

This Facebook post by Law and Foreign Affairs Minister K Shanmugam may provide a clue to what the Transport Minister's duties are:



According to Mr Shanmugam, Mr Lui "oversaw the announcements of so many major initiatives".

So Mr Lui didn't even oversee the actual initiatives. He just oversaw the announcements of them.

What does that mean anyway?

Mr Lui proof-reads the press releases?

Mr Shanmugam also wrote: "And you knew that with Tuck Yew in charge, the billions the Ministry were spending would be disbursed honestly."

Billions?

That's a lot of money to be in charge of for a guy who proof-reads the press releases.


JUNE 2016 UPDATE: Mr Lui Tuck Yew is appointed Chip Eng Seng independent director

Our Singapore: Was it the worst MRT breakdown? Here's how to tell

Remember in February when SMRT won some international award for “delivering value through risk management”?



You should because I wrote a whole column about it.

On receiving the award, SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek said:

“The rigorous judging process reaffirms that SMRT’s Enterprise Risk Management programme is truly world-class and delivers superior value for our stakeholders.”

Almost immediately after he said it, the train delays started — with four incidents in five days.

So by boasting about how “truly world-class” SMRT was, Mr Kuek jinxed it.

Last week, he did it again.

At the SMRT annual general meeting on Tuesday, Mr Kuek bragged about the award plus another one the company won for Best Public Sector Campaign given by the Singapore Institute of Public Relations. He said:

“These external endorsements are important signals that we are on the right track in bringing the group to higher levels of excellence in every field.”

Hours later, the North-South Line and East-West Line were shut down during evening rush hour, causing massive chaos across the island.



The lesson here is that for the sake of hundreds of thousands of commuters, Mr Kuek should stop gloating about how wonderful SMRT is. It’s bad luck.

If SMRT were a shopping centre, it would be Jem.

The Straits Times called Tuesday night’s incident “possibly the worst MRT breakdown Singapore has experienced”.

The other contenders for worst MRT breakdown were on Dec 15 and 17, 2011.



So how do you determine which MRT breakdown is worse than another, especially now that there are so many?

By the duration of the delay?

A three-hour delay in the afternoon between the Marina Bay and Marina South Pier stations probably wouldn’t be as disastrous as a half-hour delay at 6pm on a weekday between City Hall and Raffles Place.

By the number of people affected then?

The Straits Times estimated that more than 250,000 commuters may have been affected by Tuesday’s breakdown compared to the 127,000 and 94,000 affected by the two December 2011 breakdowns.



The trouble is, those numbers are at best estimations. We need something more definitive.

You could argue that Tuesday’s breakdown was the worst because for the first time, two MRT lines were affected simultaneously.

But you could also argue that the December 2011 breakdowns were the worst because a Committee Of Inquiry was ordered by Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong whereas so far, he is only “very concerned” about Tuesday’s breakdown.



On the other hand, it’s not fair to pit the two December 2011 breakdowns against Tuesday’s breakdown. That’s two against one.

To cut through all this muddle, I have come up with an authoritative method to determine which MRT breakdown is the worst — by counting the number of parody songs it has inspired.

I call it the Weird Al Yankovic Index.



Based on this index, Tuesday’s breakdown takes the crown with three songs.

First, we have these new lyrics by Mr Billy Teo for Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody:



I would've love to hear Kanye West sing those lyrics at Glastonbury. That is, if he can remember them.

Next, Mr Brown wrote a parody song named called Tuck Yew after the transport minister based on Cee Lo Green’s Fuck You:



Finally, we have a song based on OMD’s Enola Gay called S.M.R.T. Meltdown by Oblong Dick.



Thank you, SMRT, for inspiring the Weird Al in us.

No, wait, there are actually four parody songs. I forgot to count my own.

Unlike the other three who used songs by foreign talent, I changed the lyrics to a local song. Why? Because I’m a patriot.

And it’s not just any local song but Dick Lee’s SG50 song, Our Singapore — just in time for National Day.



My version has different lyrics for the chorus:



Mic dropped.

I’m no Dick Lee or Weird Al Yankovic, but I believe my lyrics are an improvement over the original. JJ Lin should’ve used my version for his new NDP video.



I hope to get an award for it.

Oops, did I jinx it?

- Published in The New Paper, 12 July 2015

Dear Mr SM Ong

Saw what you said about SMRT and songs. I also did one on the might it broke down. Was on my fb cover

But my friends are the obedient sort and sniggered in private but did nothing else



allen

Why call for SMRT CEO to resign? Remember Saw Phaik Hwa

Another major MRT disruption, another call for the SMRT CEO to resign.

In the wake of tonight's massive MRT fiasco, will SMRT CEO Desmond Kuek be forced to eat his words or resign?... http://t.co/d0cLgQWfzd

— All Singapore Stuff (@allsgstuff) July 7, 2015

Two MRT lines in Singapore broke down simultaneously. Someone need to resign? Lol

— alvin boey (@alvinboey) July 7, 2015

I understand the desire to hold someone accountable, but really, how would the resignation of the SMRT CEO help? (Besides providing the satisfaction of seeing someone pay for making thousands of commuters suffer.)

Remember the previous SMRT CEO, Ms Saw Phaik Hwa?

After The Great Train Breakdown of 2011, people even demonstrated at Hong Lim Park demanding that she quit.



A month later in January 2012, she did (although SMRT claimed that her resignation was planned before The Great Train Breakdown of 2011).

The Ferrari-driving Ms Saw was eventually replaced by Mr Desmond Kuek, a former army chief.

So those Hong Lim Park demonstrators got what they wanted, but did it stop the stoppages?



As you can see by the helpful table above, it didn't.

So would replacing Mr Kuek make a difference when replacing Ms Saw didn't?

As The Who sang: Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.



Let's say Mr Kuek is replaced and the train breaks down again. Are we going to call for the new CEO to resign as well. This could go on indefinitely as the MRT disruptions are likely to continue.

Maybe it's the LTA CEO whose head should roll. But Mr Chew Men Leong, a former navy chief, joined LTA only less than a year ago, so you can't blame him for the train disruptions... or can you?

Or maybe it's the transport minister who should resign and indeed some have suggested that.

Lui Tuck Yew should be forced to resign to take responsibility for the massive breakdown. #SMRT

— Red Dot Oz (@RedDot_Oz) July 7, 2015

Mr Lui himself had replaced Mr Raymond Lim as transport minister in May 2011. Then came The Great Train Breakdown of 2011 in December.

Wait... I just realised ... all the train disruptions happened after Mr Lui became transport minister.

I'm sure it's just a coincidence.

I guess I still have a soft spot for the guy (also a former navy chief) after shaking his hand at his navy farewell dinner.

Anyway, I'd be surprised if Mr Lui is actually replaced because of The Great MRT Breakdown of 2015, not that it would do much good. (AUGUST 2015 UPDATE: He has announced he will leave politics. So he will no longer be Transport Minister. I was very surprised.)

This tweet pretty much nails what will likely happen after this.

Everyone who is affected no need to get angry. Smrt ceo will still his 2 million pay. LTA will fine them. Then fare will increase.

— Anthony Ong (@AnthonyOng0309) July 7, 2015

EARLIER IN MARCH: Risky business: Winning award leads to losing streak on the tracks for SMRT


UPDATE

Tuck Yew tucks off: What exactly does a Transport Minister do anyway?

LTA chief executive Chew Men Leong quits

Why Lui Tuck Yew should say Thank Yew to Anton Casey

I was a little taken aback when I heard Singapore mentioned again on The Daily Show last month.

Produced in New York, The Daily Show is a US satirical news show on Comedy Central.

On Dec 6, comedian John Hodgman appeared on the show as the “resident deranged millionaire” to say farewell as rich people like him were leaving New York for "brighter shores".

“Singapore,” he claimed, “is letting us hunt the homeless.”



(Singapore is mentioned at 3:59.)

He neglected to mention that rich white guys like him will also get a chance to hook up with our former Miss Singapore Universes.

For example, billionaire Facebook co-founder Eduardo Saverin, who moved from the US to Singapore in 2009, has been seen with former Miss Singapore Universe Rachel Kum.

Just make sure that it’s really a former Miss Singapore Universe and not some ladyboy.

Yes, I know that with a few of our former Miss Singapore Universes (like, say, Miss Singapore Universe 2003 Bernice Wong), it may be a little hard to tell.

That is, of course, only a joke and not true.

I mean, the part about Singapore letting the rich hunt the homeless.

Wait, isn’t that just the plot from the 90s movie Hard Target starring Mr Epic Split himself, Jean-Claude Van Damme?



But then I don’t recall seeing any homeless people around my area lately.

Perhaps I’m just not rich enough to be invited for such rich people recreation. I have enough trouble understanding polo. I just wear the shirts.

But if the sport of hunting the homeless is allowed in Singapore, one suspects that rich white guy and former Crossinvest Asia wealth manager Anton Casey would’ve been among the first to sign up for a safari.

I say this because the British expat has an apparent distaste for the un-deodourised poor people in Singapore, judging by a couple of widely circulated Facebook posts for which he has been vilified.



Mr Casey (who is married to Miss Singapore Universe 2003 Bernice Wong and not a ladyboy) has since apologised.

But it appears that for many Singaporeans, including Law Minister K. Shanmugam, sorry no enough.

Mostly because the apology seems insincere as it was made through a public relations (PR) company.

Ironically, Mr Casey hired the PR company to make sure he gets the apology right only to get the apology wrong because he hired a PR company to make the apology.

Another irony is that he hired a PR company probably because he's so rich that he could afford to do so.

Void deck wedding critic Amy Cheong didn’t hire a PR company. Neither did Miss Stephanie Koh, star of the Why I’m Not Proud To Be Singaporean viral video.

In this case, Mr Casey would’ve been better off if he wasn’t so rich.

But then if he wasn’t so rich, he wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.

Or maybe Mr Casey just hired the wrong PR company.

He should’ve hired whatever PR company that Member of Parliament for Tampines Baey Yam Keng is senior advisor for.

Just last month, Mr Baey was himself vilified online for his $2.50 nasi padang so he can easily empathise with Mr Casey.



But unlike Mr Casey, Mr Baey hasn't been asked to leave Singapore by Tay Ping Hui.

Plus I don’t think Mr Baey ever apologised for his $2.50 nasi padang. Not that he should.

Every controversy eventually blows over in a week or two. Apologising (through a PR company or otherwise) rarely makes it go away sooner.

It’s like the teacher who apologised too quickly to the schoolboy for shouting at him in the classroom video that went viral last week. The boy continued shouting back at the teacher until the boy got it out of his system.



Similarly, each online controversy has to go through the two-week life cycle for “netizens” to get it out of their system.

The trick is to batten down the hatches and weather the online abuse and death threats for those two weeks – and hope you don’t lose your job. A new controversy will inevitably come along and lure the haters away to their next target.

Or if you’re a foreigner like Mr Casey, I guess fleeing the country is another option.

But you know what’s the greatest irony of all?

Despite the constant service lapses and the recently announced fare hike, by mocking public transport users, Mr Casey actually got people to defend our public transport system last week.



Transport Minister Lui Tuck Yew should give Mr Casey a hongbao.

Or at least invite him back to hunt the homeless.

I understand that they have been spotted at East Coast Park.

Van Damme can come along too.

- Published in The New Paper, 26 January 2014

UPDATE: Will there be a backlash against the backlash against the backlash against the backlash against Anton Casey?

'Smooth'? Public transport not so picture-perfect

A minister taking the bus?

Maybe that crazy Harold Camping was right – the world has ended.

Maybe we’re now living in a post-apocalyptic alternate universe where cats chase dogs, “family man” footballer Ryan Giggs sleeps with strippers and millionaire Cabinet members have figured out how to use the ez-link card.

That's the only way I can explain the photo of new Transport Minister Lui Tuck Yew reading a newspaper on a public bus that surfaced last week.



On the front page of the paper he was reading was a story related to the review of ministers’ salaries. The joke was that Mr Lui was switching to public transport in anticipation of a paycut.

Regarding the photo, Mr Lui wrote on his Facebook page: “The journey was smooth at that time of the morning.”

“Smooth” is how I would describe my baby-soft skin, that song by Santana featuring the lead singer from Matchbox 20 and a nice cold smoothie blending the two.



But a ride on a public bus? Unlikely.

My Facebook comment would more likely be: “Why do people insist on standing near the exits when they’re not alighting and block the way of alighting passengers? Because they’re inconsiderate idiots!”

I might or might not use the word “horrified” which was how MP Lim Biow Chuan described how he felt about waiting an hour for a bus last week.

At least Mr Lim’s experience more accurately reflects the waking nightmare that hundreds of thousands of commuters have to endure everyday.

Which is more than can be said of the Public Transport Council (PTC) review released last month (just before the election), which declared that both SBS Transit and SMRT Buses had met all of PTC’s Quality of Service standards. A perfect score.

Since then, Mr Raymond Lim has been replaced as Transport Minister by Mr Lui.

Perhaps PTC should raise its standards.

Unlikely.

But what will most likely be raised later this year are the bus and train fares.

In January, PTC announced that it “has decided to defer this year’s fare review exercise to the fourth quarter of 2011 to coincide” with the opening of two more phases of the Circle Line.

“Fare review exercise” is , of course, code for fare hike – unless you expect the transport companies to look at the current fare prices and say: “Hey, we’ve made enough money for our stockholders. Let’s lower the fares as a surprise present for the public we serve.”

Unlikely.

Here’s a suggestion: Instead of raising fares, do away with those annoying and futile commuter courtesy campaigns starring Dim Sum Dollies, Phua Chu Kang or other local entertainers.





I don’t want Michelle Chong as Barbarella urging me to move inside in her mock SPG accent anytime in the near future.



Take the budget for that and spend it on buying more buses and trains. If the sum is not enough, use the money that would be saved from the ministers’ paycut – sorry, I mean “salary review”.

Then maybe one day, all our bus journeys will be as “smooth” as Mr Lui’s.

Unlikely.

- Unpublished

UPDATE: Lui says more buses a-comin'

Three navy guys: Two became ministers, one became me

When it was announced recently that Teo Chee Hean would be promoted to Deputy Prime Minister and Lui Tuck Yew would be Acting Minister for Information, Communications and the Arts, my first reaction was: “Hey, two ex-navy guys – just like me!”

But of course, unlike the deck-scrubbing corporal that I was, Mr Teo and Rear-Admiral (NS) Lui weren’t mere navy guys – they were the navy guys in charge of all other navy guys.

Mr Teo was chief of navy when I completed my full-time NS way back when Paula Abdul was an actual American idol herself.



Yes, it was a long time ago.

Radm Lui was navy chief during my “operationally-ready NSman” phase except I didn’t know who he was at the time – that is, until he wasn’t going to be navy chief anymore.

Let me explain.

Six years ago, my ship’s coxswain called me up to ask if I wanted to go to a dinner. Our CO was paying for three tables at some navy event and the team, including myself, was invited to attend, probably as some sort of bonding exercise.

Being a devout mooch, as long as there’s free food, I’m there – with bells and a bib on. The dinner was held at a Chinese restaurant in the Mount Faber SAFRA clubhouse along Telok Blangah Way

I asked a fellow NSman at my table about some geeky-looking guy with the bad haircut and overbite at the event who seemed to be the centre of attention.

“That's our chief of navy,” I was told.

Really?

Even now, my image of a navy chief is someone who looks like Teo Chee Hean. And this guy didn’t look like Teo Chee Hean at all.

“This dinner is for him,” said my table-mate. “He’s retiring from the navy.”

Oh.

Then my table-mate whispered, “There’s talk he may run for office.”

Yah, sure, whatever. Was anyone eating the last mini springroll?

The retiring navy chief went from table to table to personally say hi to everyone who was there, which I thought was a nice gesture. There might be a future in politics for this guy after all.

He even shook my hand – although he had no idea who I was – and said, “Thanks for coming.”

I might have said: “You’re welcome.”

And now he’s running MICA.

This means – since I work for a newspaper which comes under the purview of his ministry – Radm Lui is my big big big big big boss once again, just like back in the navy.

Cue Village People.

- Unpublished




UPDATE: Mr Lui later became Transport Minister. He quit politics in 2015.