Man who duped women into sex won a couples contest organised by Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports 12 years ago

You may have read about De Beers Wong, who pretended to be an agent for rich "sugar daddies" and duped at least 11 women into having sex with him.

In April, he was sentenced to 3½ years' jail and fined $20,000. He appealed.

Yesterday, because of his appeal, his jail term more than doubled from 3½ years to eight years and five months.



Weirdly, long before his unsavoury crime, he has appeared in the newspapers for more wholesomely romantic (and now rather ironic) reasons.

This was published in The Straits Times on 13 May 2009:

By his own admission, Mr De Beers Wong, 28, is short, tubby and all business – even aloof – while at work.

For the past nine months, he has been romancing Miss Megan Kong, 25.

She is willowy next to him, and also the “angel” liked by everyone in the same office for her warmth and friendliness.

The couple admit they are like chalk and cheese.

As Miss Kong said: “Our colleagues were very shocked when we first got together as we are so different, but we can really communicate.”

The insurance agents are “beautifully imperfect” – exactly the type of couple the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports (MCYS) is looking for in an online contest.

It is no ordinary contest, though. Behind it is the serious business of persuading Singaporeans to get married and have children.

So what does being “beautifully imperfect” have to do with anything?

Everything, said Mr Richard Tan, MCYS’ director of communications and international relations. He cited a 2007 study’s finding that most young Singaporeans did want to get married, but were not doing so, they said, because they had yet to meet their Mr or Miss Right.

But what, exactly, is “right”?

Enter “beautifully imperfect”: The drive aims to inspire marriage-minded singles to find that special person based on character and personality, instead of applying society’s checklist of beauty, wealth, education and family background.

“The person who is not perfect as defined by the world around us may turn out to be the perfect husband or wife,” he said.

To reach out to young, “wired” adults, MCYS tapped the popular social networking site Facebook – the first time it has done so to run a contest – and started a “beautifully imperfect” group last month.

Reach them it did. In just over a month, more than 14,000 people joined the group, and more than 370 couples signed up for the contest.

The hunt for “beautifully imperfect” couples – all 10 winning pairs will be unveiled on Saturday – is part of a drive which has included a commercial about a family that was anything but perfect, but bonded in love all the same.

The commercial, which just ended its run on TV, showed an Indian wife eulogising her dead Chinese husband at his funeral and talking in endearing terms about his snoring and breaking wind in bed.



To get Singaporeans to think of marriage and children, the Government has pumped in big money in recent years, handing out Baby Bonuses and promoting work-life balance, among other moves.

But challenges could still thwart the Government’s mission. The baby shortage aside, divorces are still going up by the year, with 2007 logging a record 7,226 divorces and annulments.

Ask Mr Wong, and he can give you an earful about imperfect relationships – of the ugly kind. He has been through an annulled marriage – his then wife refused to have children – and had almost given up on relationships.

For Miss Kong, the relationship was nearly a non-starter. She had to handle office gossip about her dating the boss’ son, but her heart was won over by his “sweetness and maturity”.

Mr Wong, drawn to her selflessness, said: “Recently, I wanted to buy her a $600 ring that she really liked, but she said ‘no’ as she could afford to buy it herself. My ex-girlfriends would have said, ‘Please buy it for me now, thank you’.”

Miss Kong no doubt thinks her boyfriend’s dad did right to name him after the famous diamond company.

She said: “De Beers is the biggest diamond in my life.”

A diamond in the rough, perhaps, but beautifully imperfect in her eyes.

The couple was featured again in The New Paper on 17 January 2010:

She’s slim, he’s a bit – shall we say chubby? Some of their friends call them “Beauty and the Beast”.

But Mr De Beers Wong, 28, and Ms Megan Kong, 25, feel they are perfect for each other.

And it seems that netizens agree.

Mr Wong and Ms Kong are one of the 10 dating couples voted as “Beautifully Imperfect” in a Facebook contest organised by the Ministry of Community Development, Youth and Sports last year.

Indeed, they are the first of the 10 to get engaged.

The contest was open to all couples, who had to post their pictures on the Facebook page. Some 370 couples took part. The 10 most liked couples won $400 each. Mr Wong and Ms Kong were one of these couples.

Mr Wong and Ms Kong have been colleagues in an insurance company since 2003 and have been going out for 1½ years. Mr Wong proposed to Ms Kong on 18 Nov last year.

It was an unusual proposal.

That day, Ms Kong was supposed to meet a friend at Ion Orchard. Mr Wong got 30 strangers to each give her a rose.

Meanwhile, two of his friends recorded everything with cameras.

When she later turned her back to the cameramen, Mr Wong surprised her by approaching with a 20-rose bouquet and popping the question.

She said yes. They will be getting married this year, on 29 Dec.

Ms Kong said Mr Wong was “beautifully imperfect” because of his idiosyncrasies which she found strange at first.

For instance, he hardly spoke while he was eating, regardless of whether he was in a group or just with her.

This made conversation difficult at first.Mr Wong said he did not like to talk during meals as he wanted to enjoy his food.

Ms Kong said: “It was quite strange at first. But then I got used to it. So when we’re eating, I just do all the talking and hope he listens!”

So when does he do the talking? Mr Wong exclaimed: “When she drives!”

Ms Kong is always the one behind the wheel as Mr Wong does not have a driving licence.

It is through laughing with each other, even through the bad times, that they got closer.

So what do they like about each other?

Ms Kong said: “There are definitely times when people upset you, and it’s good to know you always have a safe space to come back to.”

As for Mr Wong, he is “lucky to have found someone I love unconditionally and who loves me back the same way”.

Ms Kong said: “Our relationship is based on trust and devotion. I know there’s a tendency to just try to look for the richest or most good-looking person, but we’re not like that. We accept one another for who we are.”

Then she added: “But I think he’s very adorable. Even my grandmother thinks so.”

Mr Wong wrote in his caption for their photograph in the contest: “The most beautiful thing that has ever happened in my life is to have you (Ms Kong) in my arms and knowing that you love me as much as I love you...

“Inside, I built a wall so high I thought it (would) never fall, one touch (and) you brought it down.”

There is a lot to unpack there.

Durian flavour? Chendol? Indomie? Condoms with local flavours are suddenly a thing

First, it was Durex.

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April Fool's joke? Probably, since Durex said the new condoms will be "launching in just 7 days" from 25 March, which is 1 April.

But then another condom brand, Fiesta, which I've never heard of, also got into the act with another popular local flavour.

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Yes, Indomie condoms.

For when you want it quick.

Why stop there?

What about mala condoms? Salted egg yolk condoms? Nasi lemak condoms? Chilli crab condoms?

I guess we can skip the dinner part of a date now since you can make a meal out of the prophylactic now.

Apparently, durian condoms were actually a thing in Malaysia a few years ago.

Toggled: I watched Joanne Peh's 'nude' scene in Last Madame and I feel so dirty now

Okay, I fell for it.

When I read that Mediacorp actress Joanne Peh was going nude for the first time in a drama, Last Madame, I was curious enough to want to watch the show.

Yes, “curious”. That was it.



At first, I thought it’s a Channel 8 drama series, but then I learnt it’s in English.

Oh, so it’s on Channel 5?

Wrong. It’s on Toggle, sort of like Mediacorp’s version of Netflix except nobody says “Toggle and chill”.

All 12 half-hour episodes of the M18-rated series dropped last Thursday for you to binge and purge.

On the day of release, Peh posted a blurry photo on Instagram with the warnings “Mature content” and “Restricted access”. What a tease!

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A post shared by Joanne Peh (@joannepeh) on Sep 25, 2019 at 6:44pm PDT

When you swipe left, you can see a still from Last Madame of Peh and co-star Jeff Chou topless in bed but not showing much, just a lot of bare shoulders.

I guess if you want to see more, you have to watch the show.

Peh, a mama of two who plays a mamasan in the drama, wrote on Insta:

“It took me a long time to decide if I would go nude for our bed scene in Last Madame. A story set in a brothel in the 1930s, we can’t shy away from sex.”

The 36-year-old ex-girlfriend of Bobby Tonelli said she made the right decision because “showing two bodies moving in unison captured the passions and inner conflict of the two characters so vividly, it pushed the show to a different level”.

“Two bodies moving in unison”? I couldn’t create my free Toggle account fast enough.

Again, I was just curious. Perhaps a little too eagerly so.

I made the mistake of watching the whole of the first episode before realising the “bodies moving in unison” scene is not in the first episode. That was 36 minutes of my life I will never get back. (The episodes are laboriously longer than publicised.)

I went online and found out that the sought-after nude scene is in the ninth episode after the 23-minute mark.

Here’s what you see.

It starts with a close-up of clasping hands before fading to black.



Then a close-up of Chou kissing Peh’s upper lip, which is how actors in local shows pretend to kiss each other on the mouth without actually kissing. No tongue.



Another fade to black.

Next, a close-up of him kissing down the side of her waist and some sort of weird puncture wound or a very scary mosquito bite above her right hip.



And yet another fade to black.

The scene continues with a few unrevealing shots of them “moving in unison” and breathing heavily interspersed with even more fade-to-black transitions.







It’s over in just over a minute (no reflection on Chou, I’m sure) and half of it is a black screen. That’s all we get for M18?

I now suspect the M18 rating is just for all the smoking in the first scene of the first episode.



Even Peh wanted more nakedness.

Asked about the scene by 8 Days magazine, she said:

“When the final cut came out on Toggle, I was, mmm, slightly disappointed. I think we could really have shown a little bit more probably, because no body parts were shown.”

Actually, body parts are shown – hands, hips, plenty of shoulders – just not the right ones.

So why do I feel so dirty after watching the scene?

Mrs Qi Yiwu used the promise of nudity to appeal to my basest instinct – curiosity – and I let her.

I should have known better. It was the oldest trick in the book. Sex sells.

I wonder how many other people fell for it too and created a Toggle account they will never use again.

If I didn’t have the potential to excel in life, I should be punished by being forced to watch all 12 episodes of Last Madame.

Fade to black.

- Published in The New Paper, 30 September 2019

‘Cuckoo bird’ cheer at NTU freshman camp: ‘We didn’t know it would become so big’

Maybe they’re really into ornithology.

That’s why they kept repeating the words “cuckoo bird” over and over again.

But the way the young men and women were pointing at their crotch while chanting the words in last week’s viral video suggests that they’re probably more interested in anatomy.

I was their age once, though not so publicly demonstrative of where my prurient interests lay.



When I first heard there was a video going around of inappropriate behaviour at a freshman orientation camp at a local university, I assumed it was the National University of Singapore (NUS) again.

Three years ago, reports of sexualised games at NUS camps led to then Acting Minister for Education (Higher Education and Skills) Ong Ye Kung declaring that “pretending to ejaculate into the face of a fellow student plays no part” in university education.

Which is always a helpful reminder.

I believe it was the first time an acting minister had ever used the word “ejaculate” in public. (God knows how many times he said it in private.)



NUS was also in the news in April because of the Monica Baey episode, which highlighted the prevalence of sexual misconduct on campus, mostly by shower voyeurs.

I also remember the sordid sex-for-grades trial in 2013 involving an NUS law professor and his student.

He took her virginity on his NUS office sofa! She got pregnant! He made her pay for her abortion! She bought him a Montblanc pen and an iPod Touch when the iPod Touch was a thing!



So is it any wonder that by now, whenever I hear there’s inappropriate sexual behaviour at a local university, I’m conditioned to think it must be NUS?

But to my surprise, the video was not taken in NUS – but in Nanyang Technological University (NTU).

What a twist!



An NTU spokesman said last Thursday:

“Looking at the video, the cheer is not in line with the standards set at NTU, as it runs contrary to the values of safety, respect and inclusiveness which are emphasised in the university’s transition and orientation programme.”

So how did it happen?

I asked a person who was actually there when the video was taken.

She said the cheer took place in a lecture theatre on Aug 8, the last day of the camp organised by the business school.

The NTU student added: “It was during a cheer fight when they were running out of cheers.”

A “cheer fight” is a game where groups of students try to top each other by coming up with louder, more entertaining and frequently more outrageous cheers to get a bigger reaction for their performance.

Someone happened to take a video of this one and posted it online where it went viral.

“We didn’t know it would become so big,” the student said.

I asked if anyone there was offended by the cheer.

She said: “Everyone kind of laughed it off because it was part of the cheer fight and nobody really said anything.”

I spoke to another NTU student who recently attended a different faculty camp as a freshman, and she said she heard cheers using the Hokkien term for vagina, you know, the one with the initials C and B. (Coincidentally, also the initials for “cuckoo bird”.)

So the lewd cheer in the video was not an isolated case.

She said the obscenities in the cheers were a “culture shock” for her, but she didn’t complain.

Well, at least no one pretended to ejaculate into anyone’s face. Right? (Please don't let a video of someone ejaculating into someone’s face show up.)

I’m not sure which is worse, but Education Minister Ong Ye Kung has yet to comment on whether shouting the local slang for male genitalia while thrusting and gyrating your hips in unison is part of university education.

After all, the cheer could just be an over-enthusiastic homage to Ken Kesey’s 1962 novel-turned-1975 Oscar-winning movie starring Jack Nicholson.



Three geese in a flock, one flew east, one flew west, one flew over the cuckoo bird’s nest.

Or something like that.

I guess it would be easier just to say “cuckoo bird” two dozen times.

- Published in The New Paper, 19 August 2019


EARLIER:

After Monica Baey: My daughter is in NUS, should I be worried?

Minister says 'ejaculate', thanks to rapey NUS freshman orientation games

Sequelitis: Darinne Ko is no Cecilia Sue (and farewell, Yam Ah Mee)

Dear side boob-revealing tank top woman in ATM queue at Somerset MRT station...

Dear Ashley Garcia,

Clothes maketh the man while the lack of clothes can make a woman famous.

Sometimes unintentionally.

I mean, you were just queuing for the ATM at the Somerset MRT station and minding your own business – except that you were wearing a low-cut, side boob-revealing tank top with no bra, which apparently made it everybody’s business.

Someone took pictures of you and posted them online, where they went viral and it’s easy to see why.

People get to share photos of a hot babe letting it all hang out in a public place while taking the moral stance of questioning whether it’s appropriate for the hot babe to let it all hang out in a public place.



It’s like having your tart and eating it too.

I don’t think it was a coincidence that also last week, a buaya was spotted at Lower Seletar Reservoir. (“Buaya” is Malay for crocodile and also means… maybe you can ask a Singaporean friend to explain that joke to you.)



Lianhe Wanbao even put your picture on its front page because, you know, slut-shaming is news.

At least no one is accusing you of a cover-up.

You probably beat the Hyflux CEO as the most controversial woman in Singapore last week. Congrats.

I suggest you avoid Gojek if you don’t want to get any more famous. And it’s not because you’re Chinese.

Last Tuesday, it was revealed that you’re a model from the Philippines, thanks to your Facebook post:

“Yes, this was me waiting in the ATM queue. I was not aware that somebody took a photo of me (I don’t personally know his purpose).

“I apologize if I offended any culture on this outfit, but, please understand that I do not have any obscene or malicious intention by wearing it. I am sorry if you think that this was an ‘indecent exposure’ but, it was not my intention.

“To those people who are already hitting me below the belt and criticizing me of something, I respect you. You are already telling things which are too personal that is already outside of what you see in the picture.

“I was already cyber shamed, bullied and threatened by several people because of this.

“PS. I was wearing shorts and nipple tapes during that time. Peace, mwah!”

As someone who has often been criticised for my appearance (by my own family) and cyber-shamed (for this column), I sympathise.

Singapore is so hot. You have to dress for the weather, right?

To show my support for you, I am posting photos of myself queueing for the ATM at Somerset MRT station wearing a side boob-revealing tank top with no bra.




Except I have no side boob to reveal (just the complete boob that I am and some armpit hair). So I went without nipple tape.

But I did wear shorts because I didn’t want to get arrested.

Peace and mwah back.

- Published in The New Paper, 18 February 2019

Hooked on S-hook lady Lerine Yeo: Why I may never eat luncheon meat again

Dear Ms Lerine Yeo,

Just when I thought it was safe to watch Facebook videos again…

You know that Nas Daily guy? His videos are so annoying, right?

If you like Singapore, just say you like Singapore lah. Why must say “I hate Singapore because I’m jealous”?



So extra.

Then he called Singapore “the almost perfect country”.



Hello? What “almost”? Singapore is the perfect country, okay?

I want to complain, but I’m scared he’ll call me “crybaby”. I’m very sensitive. I may actually cry.

But he’s gone now. You have taken over from him. It’s your Facebook videos everyone is talking about now.

And all you were trying to do was sell some clothes from your online shop Misshopper Boutique.

It started when someone posted a video of you promoting a top with metal rings as sort of a wearable rack where you can use S-hooks to hang umbrellas, ez-link cards, wanton mee – “whatever you want to hook, you can hook”.



I also wanted to buy the $9 “designer top” in case one day, I go to the market and have no hands to carry, but alas, I understand it’s sold out.

The video has been viewed more than 2 million times. You’re even more famous than Baby Shark, doo doo, doo doo, doo doo.



But with fame come those who seek to exploit your fame.

And I’m not just talking about Ikea, Jollibee, Wingstop and Scoot shamelessly using the S-hook in their ads last week. They should pay you a commission.









I saw your post warning of imposter Facebook pages using your Misshopper Boutique name.

You wrote:

“A police report has been lodged 25 sept at 00:51am, my taglines and photos have been used on the other page. Kindly spread the word and take note. I am not related to the other 2 page as below. Be careful cos it might be a scam. If you need clarification pm me.”

Well, you know what they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery and copyright infringement.

The good news is that I read that Mark Lee has signed you to his company. He said you reminded him of a young Patricia Mok.

What an insult. You’re much more chio than Patricia Mok.

Maybe Jack Neo will cast you in Ah Boys To Men 5: Money Make No Enough.

After all, your videos are more entertaining than all his movies put together.

But I have a complaint about one of your videos.

Please don’t call me a crybaby. You know how sensitive I am.

You remember that video where you warn customers more than 1.6m tall about a dress that may be too short for them?



You said:

“And then you walk, you cannot open big big already. You must close and tight(ly), okay?

“If not, your luncheon meat, your seaweed come out give people see.”

What did I just hear?!

If you mean what I think you mean, I’m very distressed by that last line.

I like luncheon meat. I always add luncheon meat whenever I get fried bee hoon for lunch.



But because of you, I don’t think I can ever eat luncheon meat again.

Please don’t scold me for complaining. You’ll make me cry.

Luckily, I don’t like seaweed that much.

Maybe like that Nas Daily guy, one day you can get PM Lee to be in your video too.

- Published in The New Paper, 1 October 2018

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Is SAF using NDP guard-of-honour chiobu Gorgina Choo for recruitment? Yes, but...

At least it wasn’t a schoolboy giving you the finger.

That was the big controversy of last year’s National Day Parade. This year, the controversy doesn’t have to be blurred out.

It all started during President Halimah Yacob’s inspection of the guard of honour. Perhaps it was fitting that being our first woman president at her first NDP as head of state, Madam Halimah stopped for a few words with a female member of the Republic of Singapore Air Force (RSAF) contingent, Military Expert 1 Gorgina Choo.



Yes, Gorgina, not Georgina. The “e” probably melted off in the heat. Warner Bros should apologise.

By the next day, links to her social media accounts were posted in the HardwareZone online forum along with selfies from her Instagram.



Comments include “She has a very nice ass”, “Heading to CMPB on Monday to sign on RSAF liao” and “Figure really quite faps”.

The next day, the Alvinology website posted an article called “Who is Gorgina Choo? The chiobu guard of honour President Halimah Yacob spoke to at NDP 2018”, which included a poll: “Who is Singapore’s top chiobu in uniform?”

Then last Wednesday, another website called Rice Media posted an article criticising the focus on the looks of ME1 Choo and other military women by Alvinology, SAF and others.

Unfortunately, the article was misleadingly headlined “Does the SAF only hire attractive women?” which was not the article’s point at all.



This apparently created enough online chatter about the “objectification of women in uniform” that The Straits Times asked the Ministry of Defence (Mindef) about it.

Mindef said it regularly features its servicemen and servicewomen across various platforms and channels. These pictorials may include glamorous shots of them in their civilian attire, taken with the approval of those featured.

“This is standard commercial practice used by many organisations to highlight individuals in their multifaceted roles and attributes and in no way dilutes their contributions in the SAF,” added Mindef.

The question is, why does Mindef seem to highlight only servicewomen who are chiobu?

The answer is – it doesn’t.

Just last week, Mindef on its social media platforms featured SAFVC Volunteer 2 Chi Meina, a mother of two who volunteers as a Command, Control, Communications and Computers expert with RSAF, and SV2 Arlene Pang, who joined the navy as a bridge watchkeeper despite her father telling her: “Sailing is not for girls.”



Why aren’t they getting more attention? Could it be because they are not chio enough?

Is it Mindef’s fault that the buayas in HardwareZone only pick on those they consider to be chiobu, ignoring the non-chiobu?

Maybe that’s how Rice Media got the impression that SAF “regularly parades these attractive young women in front of thirsty male citizens in order to get them to sign on with the army”.

If this were true, all Singaporean men should give Mindef the finger for treating us like such shallow lechers, even though we are. #MenToo

Sure, more than one buaya in HardwareZone joked about joining the air force after seeing ME1 Choo, but did any of them actually follow through?

Thanks to national service, most of us are forced to enlist anyway, whether we want to or not, unlike those women who paid to join the 2D1N “boot camp” next month to “experience the day-to-day routines of our national servicemen”.



They are likely part of the demographic that Mindef is targeting with its video about ME1 Choo where she gave advice to women thinking about joining SAF and not advice to guys on how to date her.

“If boys can do it, girls can do it too,” she said.



So you see, SAF is really parading these attractive young women to get women to sign up, not men.

Because god knows SAF already has us by the, uh... let’s say “HardwareZone”.

Whether Singaporean women should give Mindef the finger is up to them.

Just don’t do it at NDP.

- Published in The New Paper, 20 August 2018


Dear Mr Ong,

You have an interesting write up. I am disturbed by the use of “chiobu” in a national paper.

The choice of the name chiobu which has been misused in Singapore as a hot babe and buxom woman. In the older generation (I belong to now), it means more than that.

Growing up in a Hokkien speaking family with my late educated uncle (whose age could be my grandfather) and father from Xiamen, the word goes in the direction of offensive and degrading of women. It is known to be an unrefined expression and does not befit the image of The New Paper which is read by foreigners from Taiwan and Hokkien Province in Singapore. A check with one of them, she agreed me that “chiobu” is anything but flattering to woman and has been misused in Singapore.

Just a comment from an traditional Singaporean auntie.


EARLIER: NDP 2017: We have a new national bird

Summit or no summit, I'm rescinding my invitation to Stormy Daniels to visit Singapore

Her Storminess
Stephanie Clifford (aka Stormy Daniels)
Three-time F.A.M.E. (Fans of Adult Media and Entertainment) Award winner for Favourite Breasts

Dear Ms Clifford,

I greatly appreciate your time, patience, and effort with respect to my recent request that you don’t get President Donald Trump impeached before the summit between the US and North Korea, which was scheduled to take place on June 12 in Singapore.

In return, I invited you to visit Singapore as my personal guest.

I was informed on Thursday that the meeting was cancelled by Mr Trump in a letter to Mr Kim Jong Un.



But that to me is totally irrelevant because on Saturday, Mr Trump tweeted:

“We are having very productive talks about reinstating the Summit which, if it does happen, will likely remain in Singapore on the same date, June 12, and, if necessary, will be extended beyond that date.”

There’s still hope. Fingers crossed.

Although I understand that some Singaporeans were relieved when they first heard news of the cancellation.

And groaned again when it was reported that the White House was still sending a team here to prepare for the summit.

It’s like this year’s National Day Parade organisers. They can’t decide whether they want a new National Day song or not. So we have half a new song instead.



But even if the summit doesn’t happen, I still want something to remember these few weeks of will-they-won’t-they by.

That was why I went to the White House Gift Shop website to order the commemorative summit coin featuring “raised silhouettes of President Donald J. Trump and North Korea's Supreme Leader Kim Jong-un”.



The “Deal of the Day Price” is US$19.95, down from the regular price of US$24.95. I even managed to find a 10 per cent-off coupon code which saved me another two bucks

But I balked when I saw that shipping to Singapore costs US$60.50. That’s more than three times the cost of the coin itself!

I’m not a “billionaire” like Mr Trump, you know?

I was very much looking forward to you being here in Singapore with me.

Sadly, based on the tremendous uncertainty and open dithering displayed in your President’s most recent statement, I feel it is inappropriate, at this time, to have your long-planned visit to Singapore.

The thing is, even if you don't get Mr Trump impeached before June 12, the summit could still be called off.

Therefore, please let this letter serve to represent that your visit to Singapore, to the detriment of both parties, but for the good of my marriage, will not take place.

You talk about spanking Mr Trump with a rolled-up copy of Forbes magazine with his picture on the cover, but our caning is so massive and powerful that I pray to God it will never have to be used on me. Ask Michael Fay.



I felt a wonderful dialogue was building up between you and me, and ultimately, it is only that dialogue that matters. Someday, I look very much forward to meeting you as well as Thunder and Lightning.

In the meantime, I want to thank you for the release of your movies even though we in Singapore aren’t allowed to see them. That was a beautiful gesture and was very much appreciated.

If I change my mind having to do with this most important visit, I will not hesitate to call you or write. Singapore, and myself in particular, has lost a great opportunity to see Your Storminess in the flesh.

This missed opportunity is a truly sad moment in history.

Sincerely yours,
S M Ong

- Published in The New Paper, 28 May 2018


EARLIER: Dear Stormy, please don't get Trump impeached ... before he comes to Singapore

Boob riddance? 10 years ago, Crazy Horse closed down in Singapore — now it's back

It’s like 2005 all over again.

Except it isn’t.

Crazy Horse is coming to Singapore, just like 12 years ago.

No, I’m not talking about Neil Young’s occasional backing band, you dad rock-listening geezer.



I’m talking about the 65-year-old topless cabaret from Paris that is opening at Marina Bay Sands (MBS) in October.

Yes, “artistic” naked European boobs are back.



But unlike in 2005 when controversy preceded the opening of Crazy Horse Singapore in Clarke Quay, this time, no one seems to care.

Well, I care.

I guess most Singaporeans are too preoccupied with McDonald’s nasi-less Nasi Lemak Burger and Miss Singapore Beauty Pageant contestants.



Come back, Ris Low, all is forgiven?

I’m amazed that these contestants are getting so much attention when they didn’t even show their boobs.

Unlike the dancers at Crazy Horse, which endured its own slings and arrows from Singaporeans in 2005 despite being so “artistic”.

Embed from Getty Images

A year earlier, the Government had announced plans to develop casinos — sorry, I mean integrated resorts — to boost the economy.

Gambling and topless women as tourist attractions? No wonder some Singaporeans were concerned that we were living up to the “sin” in Singapore.

Embed from Getty Images

But even before the first casino — sorry, I mean integrated resort — opened in 2010, Crazy Horse Singapore had galloped out of business in 2007.

It lasted about 15 months. Apparently, sex didn’t sell (although gambling still does).

Crazy Horse Singapore was hobbled by advertising guidelines imposed by the Government that forbade visuals of the dancers in the ads among other restrictions.

That was probably why there were no ads touting: “Naked boobs! Now that I got your attention… more naked boobs!”

It was a little sad to say boob-bye to Crazy Horse especially since I had tried to save the show with my own show.

I was working on the Phua Chu Kang sitcom at the time and decided to have an episode featuring the topless Crazy Horse dancers (with the naughty bits digitally blurred, of course) to get some publicity for both shows and put the “boob” back in boob tube.



The big climactic scene had Gurmit Singh as Phua Chu Kang crashing the actual Crazy Horse Singapore stage while the dancers were performing. Of course, I had to be there on location to oversee the filming.

To my disappointment, fearing controversy, Mediacorp downplayed the Crazy Horse aspect of the episode and, unlike this column, avoided any mention of naked boobs in the promos.

So the episode came and went without fanfare — though you can now watch it online at Mediacorp’s video-streaming site, Toggle.

The Season 8 episode is called Crazy Like A Horse, what else?



Two months after it aired on Channel 5, Crazy Horse Singapore fled the barn.

And now, 10 years later, the mentally-ill filly is back — but only from Oct 11 to 29 at the Mastercard Grand Theatre in MBS.

By the way, there’s a non-affiliated Crazy Horse disco pub at Orchard Towers, which is a whole different thing, so don’t pick the wrong horse.



The MBS show is rated R18 for nudity. Well, duh.

Individual ticket prices range from $55 to $175, but senior citizens, NSF and students (yes, students) can get in for $35.

In terms of dollars per naked boobage, that’s a pretty boob deal, I mean, good deal.

Or you can watch the PCK episode online for free and spend the money on Nasi Lemak Burgers instead.



If you put two burgers side by side, they kind of look like boobs.

- Published in The New Paper, 17 July 2017

Beauty & The Beast controversy controversy: Movie no gay enough

My 17-year-old daughter WhatsApped me last Thursday: “Did you watch Beauty And The Beastiality?”

I ignored her misspelling and replied not yet.

She had just seen the movie, the title of which is actually Beauty And The Breast. No, wait, I’m thinking of the picture of the nursing mother on the train.

Aiyah, you know what movie I mean.

I asked my teen terror what she thought of it.

She messaged back: “Cheesy and not gay enough.”

Yes, “not gay enough” appears to be a common complaint from those who have seen the live-action remake of the 1991 Disney animated classic.

And can you blame them?



It all started with director Bill Condon telling British gay magazine Attitude about the movie character LeFou, who is sidekick to villain Gaston and is played by Josh Gad.

“LeFou is somebody who one day wants to be Gaston and on another day wants to kiss Gaston.

“He’s confused about what he wants. It’s somebody who’s just realising that he has these feelings. And Josh makes something really subtle and delicious out of it.

“And that’s what has its payoff at the end, which I don’t want to give away. But it is a nice, exclusively gay moment in a Disney movie.”

Being a gay magazine, Attitude naturally hyped this up as “a landmark moment for LGBT representation”.

Editor-in-chief Matt Cain said:

“It may have been a long time coming, but this is a watershed moment for Disney. By representing same-sex attraction in this short but explicitly gay scene, the studio is sending out a message that this is normal and natural — and this is a message that will be heard in every country of the world, even countries where it’s still socially unacceptable or even illegal to be gay.”

To some of the latter countries, them’s fightin’ words.

Perhaps hardened by its recent dust-up with North Korea, Malaysia is standing its anti-gay ground against an even more powerful foe — the Walt Disney Company.

The Malaysian censorship board chairman, Mr Abdul Halim Abdul Hamid, reportedly said that the board could have allowed the film with “minor” cuts if Condon had not announced that the movie has “a first exclusively gay moment”.

“We could have let it go with potentially minor cut… and this whole thing would not have become an issue. But the moment the ‘gay element’ is thrown into the mix, we had to protect ourselves, so what was initially three seconds, has become more than four minutes.”

Russia is allowing only those over 16 to see the movie, although one lawmaker did try to get it banned.

This is surprising considering that the country hasn’t banned those gay-baiting photos of Russian President Vladimir Putin pursuing outdoor activities without a shirt on.



Closer to home, the National Council of Churches of Singapore (NCCS) released a statement about “the gay agenda in Disney’s Beauty And The Beast”.

After citing Attitude magazine, it said:

“NCCS would therefore encourage pastors and church leaders to urge members of their congregations — especially parents — to exercise discretion in guiding young children concerning viewing this movie.”

With all that controversy, if the movie is anything less than wall-to-wall same-sex orgies, you can’t help but feel cock-blocked.

Keep in mind that the movie is rated PG. So forget about orgies, same-sex or otherwise.

What about the “short but explicitly gay scene” touted by the Attitude editor?

I have seen the movie. Got meh?

The “gay moment” that Malaysia wants to censor is during the performance of the song Gaston by Gad.

“The way he dances is... gay, and the dialogue and the lyrics of the song are too,” said Mr Abdul Halim. “In the same scene, he also lifts up his shirt and shows a love bite on his tummy.”

Maybe I haven’t been in enough gay relationships, but why would anyone have a love bite on his tummy?



In his latest interview with Malaysia’s New Straits Times, Mr Abdul Halim said there were three other parts in the movie that were deemed “inappropriate”.

“The first is during the performance of a song, where a male character (Gaston) hugs the other (LeFou) from behind.

“Second is the suggestive song lyrics with sexual innuendos.”

Could he be talking about the line “In a wrestling match, nobody bites like Gaston”? Ohhhh. So that’s how you get a love bite on your tummy!

The third part is at the end of the movie, probably the “nice, exclusively gay moment” that Condon the director was referring to earlier.

To me, the gayest thing in the movie is actually the relationship between Lumiere the candelabra and Cogsworth the clock (played by openly gay Ian McKellen). You don’t know where his hands have been.



Then again, it’s a musical. So the entire movie is a 128-minute “gay moment”.

In another interview, Condon was asked about LeFou’s sexuality and he replied:

“Can I just say, I’m sort of sick of this… It’s such a teeny thing, and it’s been overblown.”

No kidding. And whose fault is that?

Plus, the movie is cheesy too.

- Published in The New Paper, 20 March 2017


UPDATE: A reader points out an error in my column