Monday 17 July 2017

Boob riddance? 10 years ago, Crazy Horse closed down in Singapore — now it's back

It’s like 2005 all over again.

Except it isn’t.

Crazy Horse is coming to Singapore, just like 12 years ago.

No, I’m not talking about Neil Young’s occasional backing band, you dad rock-listening geezer.

I’m talking about the 65-year-old topless cabaret from Paris that is opening at Marina Bay Sands (MBS) in October.

Yes, “artistic” naked European boobs are back.

But unlike in 2005 when controversy preceded the opening of Crazy Horse Singapore in Clarke Quay, this time, no one seems to care.

Well, I care.

I guess most Singaporeans are too preoccupied with McDonald’s nasi-less Nasi Lemak Burger and Miss Singapore Beauty Pageant contestants.

Come back, Ris Low, all is forgiven?

I’m amazed that these contestants are getting so much attention when they didn’t even show their boobs.

Unlike the dancers at Crazy Horse, which endured its own slings and arrows from Singaporeans in 2005 despite being so “artistic”.

A year earlier, the Government had announced plans to develop casinos — sorry, I mean integrated resorts — to boost the economy.

Gambling and topless women as tourist attractions? No wonder some Singaporeans were concerned that we were living up to the “sin” in Singapore.

But even before the first casino — sorry, I mean integrated resort — opened in 2010, Crazy Horse Singapore had galloped out of business in 2007.

It lasted about 15 months. Apparently, sex didn’t sell (although gambling still does).

Crazy Horse Singapore was hobbled by advertising guidelines imposed by the Government that forbade visuals of the dancers in the ads among other restrictions.

That was probably why there were no ads touting: “Naked boobs! Now that I got your attention… more naked boobs!”

It was a little sad to say boob-bye to Crazy Horse especially since I had tried to save the show with my own show.

I was working on the Phua Chu Kang sitcom at the time and decided to have an episode featuring the topless Crazy Horse dancers (with the naughty bits digitally blurred, of course) to get some publicity for both shows and put the “boob” back in boob tube.

The big climactic scene had Gurmit Singh as Phua Chu Kang crashing the actual Crazy Horse Singapore stage while the dancers were performing. Of course, I had to be there on location to oversee the filming.

To my disappointment, fearing controversy, Mediacorp downplayed the Crazy Horse aspect of the episode and, unlike this column, avoided any mention of naked boobs in the promos.

So the episode came and went without fanfare — though you can now watch it online at Mediacorp’s video-streaming site, Toggle.

The Season 8 episode is called Crazy Like A Horse, what else?

Two months after it aired on Channel 5, Crazy Horse Singapore fled the barn.

And now, 10 years later, the mentally-ill filly is back — but only from Oct 11 to 29 at the Mastercard Grand Theatre in MBS.

By the way, there’s a non-affiliated Crazy Horse disco pub at Orchard Towers, which is a whole different thing, so don’t pick the wrong horse.

The MBS show is rated R18 for nudity. Well, duh.

Individual ticket prices range from $55 to $175, but senior citizens, NSF and students (yes, students) can get in for $35.

In terms of dollars per naked boobage, that’s a pretty boob deal, I mean, good deal.

Or you can watch the PCK episode online for free and spend the money on Nasi Lemak Burgers instead.

If you put two burgers side by side, they kind of look like boobs.

- Published in The New Paper, 17 July 2017