Never mind Justin & Selena, here’s Kim Song & Sylvia

And you thought Joanne Peh dating Qi Yuwu was weird.

Remember last Sunday, I wrote about how on social media, every day is like April Fool’s Day even when it’s not April. I woke up that morning to see on my Facebook timeline what I thought was another out-of-season April Fool’s joke.

The headline was “Look who has stolen Sylvia Lim’s heart”.

My first reaction was I hoped she made a police report.

So who was this thief who had made away with a vital organ of the Workers’ Party (WP) chairman?



Below the headline was a small photo of Ms Lim with an old lady. Oh, how sweet. That must be Ms Lim’s mother.

I clicked on the link and read that Ms Lim is now dating former football hero Quah Kim Song.

Wait, that’s no old lady. That’s Quah Kim Song!

I couldn’t be more surprised if Nicole Seah were dating Samad Allapitchay.



But it wasn’t an April Fool’s joke. According to The Sunday Times, Ms Lim and Quah became close after he sang at a WP fundraising concert in January.

Wow, another shocker. Quah Kim Song can sing?

I searched “Quah Kim Song can sing?” in YouTube and found a video called “Asian Mosaics - Singapore: Unplugged Quah Kim Song”, where he performs a pitch-adequate though somewhat lyrics-deficient cover of Harry Belafonte’s Jamaica Farewell. As the song goes, the nights were indeed quite gay.



But for the WP concert, he reportedly sang Simon and Garfunkel’s El Condor Pasa and “ended up twirling Ms Lim across the stage”.

The choice of El Condor Pasa was pretty savvy as the song contains the line “I’d rather be a hammer than a nail” and the WP logo is a hammer.



I believe it was this clever musical reference that swept Ms Lim off her feet and not this “twirling across the stage” stuff.

Have you ever been twirled across the stage? Gives me a headache.

Sure, Quah could’ve sung Peter, Paul And Mary’s If I Had A Hammer, but that would’ve been too obvious.

Another choice would be U Can’t Touch This by - that’s right - MC Hammer, but harem pants would make Quah look even more like an old woman. My, my, my, my...



He could’ve also done Robin Thicke's Blurred Lines even though it does not mention hammers all. It’s just such a hot song.

But music is not the only thing that Ms Lim said she and Quah enjoyed when asked what they had in common. The others are food, drinks and sports.

By that criteria, Ms Lim could be dating the entire New Paper sports desk. I’m not sure if Godfrey Robert is single.

Too bad for me, I don’t drink and I’m not that into sports. Oh yah, my wife just reminded me that I’m also married. To her.

But you know what surprises me most about Ms Lim and Quah being together?

It’s not that he’s 61, since advances in pharmacology now allow men to, uh, score well into extra time.

It’s not that she’s 13 years younger than him and was probably worrying about her PSLE when Quah headed in the winning goal for Singapore against Penang in the historic 1977 Malaysia Cup final.

And it’s not because one is in a profession where it’s all about beating the other team, and the other used to be a footballer.

No, what I find most surprising is that despite all that, fate has managed to bring together these two very famous but very different Singaporeans to show us that love knows no politics or age gap.

To the left, Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez. We have a new even cuter celebrity couple to gossip about.

The comparison of the two famous couples is not as facetious as you may think. Ms Lim also peformed at the January concert. Everyone’s a singer.



Last week, the National Family Council unveiled the Family Pledge, a new initiative “to encourage Singaporeans to take a collective stand on their commitment to family”.

Inspired by Ms Lim and Quah, I decided to write my own Love Pledge just in time for National Day:

“We, the couples of Singapore, pledge to love each other, regardless of date of birth, political party or rumoured third party, to build a lasting relationship based on food, drinks, music and sports, so as to achieve happiness, property co-ownership and progress for our nation.”

I would be very disappointed if there’s a wedding and Mr Low Thia Khiang doesn’t give the bride away.

And that’s not a joke.

- Published in The New Paper, 4 Aug 2013

Hi

Love today's piece. Hope the couple does too!

Jeanne Lim

Alamak! I’m up against Nicole Seah at Young Writers Media Festival

It’s my first time. So please be gentle.

I e-mailed the person I will be doing it with, fellow New Paper columnist Neil Humphreys, for guidance.

He wrote back: “Don’t worry about it. Do these all the time.”

I’m glad at least one of us has done something like this before. He reminded me that a third person will be there to make things easier.

As if it isn’t awkward enough that I’m a virgin at this, it’s going to be a threesome at a hotel with two other guys I’ve never met before.

And people will be paying to watch us do it.

And my parents thought I wouldn’t amount to anything.

Yes, my participation in next weekend’s All In! Young Writers Media Festival at Rendezvous Hotel has been confirmed. My picture is in the festival booklet and everything. So they’re stuck with me.

“Targeting aspiring/emerging young writers and tertiary students who have interest in writing and the literary arts”, the event is organised by the National Book Development Council of Singapore, but those in the know just call it The Book Council, which sounds hipper and requires remarkably fewer keystrokes.

Since 2009, the annual event was known as the All In! Young Writers Seminar and lasted only one day. But this year, it has levelled up from seminar to media festival and is on both Saturday and Sunday.

According to an e-mail I received from The Book Council, “the two-day event will bring together established practitioners in their respective fields to discuss interesting current topics and also educate and inspire these young writers”.

Hey, I’m an “established practitioner”! I want that engraved on my tombstone, along with “Earned three stars on all Angry Birds Rio levels”.



So how did a joker like me get involved in something as well-meaning as this?

According to that same e-mail, it was another fellow New Paper columnist who recommended me - Sylvia Toh Paik Choo.

My guess is that the Book Council asked her first and she fobbed it off on me.

So I wasn’t the first choice. I’m just a second-string substitute. Was Mr Brown unavailable?

To quote the great Smokey Robinson: “Now there's some sad things known to man, but ain't too much sadder than the tears of a clown.” (No copyright infringement intended.)



My only consolation is that the festival booklet said there will be a lunch-time special featuring a “stunning lunch buffet”. Did you read that? “Stunning”. The lunch buffet will stun you. I want to be stunned by my food.

The “stunning lunch buffet” alone should be worth the festival registration fee of $30 for a two-day pass and $20 for a one-day pass, which I don’t have to pay, I hope. The things I do for free food.

I believe I don’t have to pay because I’m part of a one-hour panel on Saturday with Neil Humphreys called “Pun intended or unintended - should everyone attempt humour in writing?”.

The third wheel in our threesome is moderator Desmond Kon.

I have never met both these men. I’ve seen Neil around but have never spoken to him even though we both write for the same paper.

Unfortunately, I’m afraid our threesome will be upstaged by another panel at the festival held concurrently in another hotel ballroom.

That panel is called “Using new media to reach and engage the community”.

And you know who will be at that panel?

Ms Nicole Seah. Yes, that Nicole Seah.



How can two not-so-young guys like Neil and me hope to compete with the Opposition Sweetheart of General Election 2011?

Maybe I can talk Neil into wearing some make-up.

And you know who else will be at that panel with Ms Seah?

Mr Yee Jenn Jong, the new Workers' Party treasurer, who last week replaced Hougang MP Yaw Shin Leong.

The latter is dogged by allegations of an affair with another married party member.

If I could, I would skip my own panel and attend the other panel just to grill Mr Yee for some gossip. (And perhaps check out what Ms Seah is wearing.)

Maybe you should do the same. Anything is better than watching me pop my cherry.

- Published in The New Paper, 12 February 2012

A song dedicated to Nicole Seah: At home she feels like a tourist

Nicole Seah: "Now, every time I take the train, it feels like I'm in a different country. It is like taking a holiday, I don't even need to bring my passport."

At Home He's A Tourist
by Gang Of Four (1979)

At home he feels like a tourist
At home he feels like a tourist
He fills his head with culture
He gives himself an ulcer
He fills his head with culture
He gives himself an ulcer

Down on the disco floor
They make their profit
From the things they sell
To help you cover
all the rubbers you hide
In your top left pocket

At home she's looking for interest
At home she's looking for interest
She said she was ambitious
So she accepts the process
She said she was ambitious
So she accepts the process

Down on the disco floor
They make their profit
From the things they sell
To help you cob off
And the rubbers you hide
In your top left pocket

Two steps forward
(Six steps back)
(Six steps back)
(Six steps back)
(Six steps back)
Small step for him
(Big jump for me)
(Big jump for me)
(Big jump for me)
(Big jump for me)

At home she feels like a tourist
At home she feels like a tourist
She fills her head with culture
She gives herself an ulcer
Why make yourself so anxious
You give yourself an ulcer

Nicole Seah's high forehead problem

She's 24, but with her hair tied back, she looks 10 years older.



I recommend bangs.

Or maybe a hat.