Sunday 24 February 2019

Creature feature: My first Safari Zoo Run

I haven't been to the zoo in years and I've been looking for a new race route.

So I took part in the Safari Zoo Run 12km challenge this morning.

Flag-off was 7.10am for the second wave.

The 12km route was two loops around the zoo. My right heel hurt in the beginning due to plantar fasciitis but less so later in the run.

The runner in front was wearing a ostrich suit but didn't fully commit.

Not actual animals.

Chawang the elephant.

Miami Vice flamingos.

"Pandas" at the start of the second loop.

For the second loop, I decided take more photos of the animals since I was getting too tired to run continuously anyway.

White Lion had a big hit with When The Children Cry in the late 80s.

A hippo and a failed hipster (me).

5km to go.

Rubbernecking with the giraffe.

Crossing the zebra.

Cheetah Rivera.

4km to go.

Horny rhino.

Them again.

2km to go.

Trunkin' on.

End of second loop.

Almost there.


Relive 'Safari Zoo Run'

After the race, my heel really hurt.

Monday 18 February 2019

Dear side boob-revealing tank top woman in ATM queue at Somerset MRT station...

Dear Ashley Garcia,

Clothes maketh the man while the lack of clothes can make a woman famous.

Sometimes unintentionally.

I mean, you were just queuing for the ATM at the Somerset MRT station and minding your own business – except that you were wearing a low-cut, side boob-revealing tank top with no bra, which apparently made it everybody’s business.

Someone took pictures of you and posted them online, where they went viral and it’s easy to see why.

People get to share photos of a hot babe letting it all hang out in a public place while taking the moral stance of questioning whether it’s appropriate for the hot babe to let it all hang out in a public place.

It’s like having your tart and eating it too.

I don’t think it was a coincidence that also last week, a buaya was spotted at Lower Seletar Reservoir. (“Buaya” is Malay for crocodile and also means… maybe you can ask a Singaporean friend to explain that joke to you.)

Lianhe Wanbao even put your picture on its front page because, you know, slut-shaming is news.

At least no one is accusing you of a cover-up.

You probably beat the Hyflux CEO as the most controversial woman in Singapore last week. Congrats.

I suggest you avoid Gojek if you don’t want to get any more famous. And it’s not because you’re Chinese.

Last Tuesday, it was revealed that you’re a model from the Philippines, thanks to your Facebook post:
“Yes, this was me waiting in the ATM queue. I was not aware that somebody took a photo of me (I don’t personally know his purpose).

“I apologize if I offended any culture on this outfit, but, please understand that I do not have any obscene or malicious intention by wearing it. I am sorry if you think that this was an ‘indecent exposure’ but, it was not my intention.

“To those people who are already hitting me below the belt and criticizing me of something, I respect you. You are already telling things which are too personal that is already outside of what you see in the picture.

“I was already cyber shamed, bullied and threatened by several people because of this.

“PS. I was wearing shorts and nipple tapes during that time. Peace, mwah!”
As someone who has often been criticised for my appearance (by my own family) and cyber-shamed (for this column), I sympathise.

Singapore is so hot. You have to dress for the weather, right?

To show my support for you, I am posting photos of myself queueing for the ATM at Somerset MRT station wearing a side boob-revealing tank top with no bra.

Except I have no side boob to reveal (just the complete boob that I am and some armpit hair). So I went without nipple tape.

But I did wear shorts because I didn’t want to get arrested.

Peace and mwah back.

- Published in The New Paper, 18 February 2019

Wednesday 6 February 2019

Go-Jek 'hostage' situation: Can you actually drive from Bishan to Coleman Street without paying ERP charges at 7am on a weekday?

The Go-Jek driver picked the passenger up from Block 251 Bishan Street 22 at about 7am on Tuesday and was heading towards Coleman Street.

The passenger wanted to avoid ERP charges. The driver said he didn't know how. The passenger didn't know either, but said she had taken the route "every morning".

She accused the driver of pretending not to know to cheat her.

And thus a viral sensation was born.

But can you actually drive from Bishan to Coleman Street on a weekday morning without paying ERP charges?

People seem to assume that because Coleman Street is in the CBD, you can’t.

I went to to find out and this was what I got:

I posted this route on Twitter and someone pointed out there are ERP gantries on Thomson Road and North Bridge Road on the route:

This is true. The Thomson Road gantry is near the Caldecott MRT station and the North Bridge Road one is near Bugis station.

But according to the One Motoring website, the Thomson Road gantry starts operating only at 7:30am on weekdays and the North Bridge Road one at 8am.

So based on this information, yes, you can.

EARLIER: Is this the reason she asked 'Is it because I'm Chinese?’

Monday 4 February 2019

Go-Jek 'hostage' situation: Is this the reason she asked 'Is it because I'm Chinese?'

To answer the question that everyone is asking – no, it’s not because you’re Chinese.

It’s because everyone has been repeating the line from the Go-Jek “hostage” video since it went viral late last week. There are even music remixes now.

The joke is getting played out. Soon, it will be like saying “boomz” or “stunned like vegetable”.

And “stunned like vegetable” was how some people reacted to the behaviour of the woman passenger in the video who accused the Go-Jek driver of trying to cheat her and then kidnapping her, culminating with the “Is it because I’m Chinese?” line.

On Saturday, the driver, Mr Kamaruzzaman Abdul Latiff, who posted the video, thanked “everyone for the moral support” on Facebook.

The passenger, on the other hand, has received, let’s say, less support. She has reportedly removed her Facebook account and left the country for a holiday.

Online commenters have described her as “crazy” and “mentally disturbed”, which I think she is not and perpetuates the stigmatisation of mental illness.

Yes, she kinda over-reacted in the situation, but I can understand why she got so triggered.

Put yourself in her shoes and the backseat of the Go-Jek car.

Let’s say you have taken a ride to this place “every morning” and drivers gave you the option of going the faster way with Electronic Road Pricing (ERP) charges or “the way where there are no additional charges”.

Then one day, this driver says he doesn’t know the non-ERP way. Having little faith in humanity because of the HIV data leak, errant postmen and The Bachelor TV show, you assume the driver is trying to cheat you.

The trouble is, as someone who doesn’t drive, you also don’t know the way, just as you don’t know that car doors have an auto-lock system.

All you want is to get to Coleman Street (without paying for the ERP), but now you’re being driven to a Toa Payoh police station against your wishes. So you’re going to be a little out of sorts.

The video also shows Mr Kamaruzzaman speaking to an unseen male Certis Cisco officer in Malay, a language the passenger may not have been able to understand, which exacerbated her distress, making her feel like the two men were ganging up on her, a vulnerable lone woman auto-locked in a car against her will.

Thus when the Certis Cisco officer appeared to take the side of the driver by mansplaining the auto-lock system to her, I can see how she may have felt like she was being persecuted due to her race being different from the two men’s, resulting in her utterance of everyone’s favourite line from the video: “Is it because I’m Chinese?”

Within a day of the seven-minute video going viral, memes and parodies abound.

The Singapore Civil Defence Force jumped on the bandwagon with a post advising people not to call an ambulance for non-emergencies, adding: “Psst, our ambulance doors auto-lock for your own safety. So do not be unnecessarily alarmed. Please!”

Meanwhile, Caltex Singapore posted this seatbelt advisory: “Your cars may have auto-lock functions, but your seatbelts don’t. Remember to put on your seatbelts!”

Zansan Digital Lock posted: “Your cars may have auto-lock functions, but your homes don’t. Starting from $299, you can have this auto-lock feature for your house door too.”

And gaming computer company Asus Republic Of Gamers, of all things, promoted its laptop with the tagline: “When even laptop has auto-lock feature. #NotTakingYouHostage”

Even the Republic of Singapore Air Force posted something about “canopy auto-locks” yesterday.

Can we stop with the auto-lock already? It’s enough to make me almost miss the “Is it because I’m Chinese?” jokes.

I’m surprised Scoot and Ikea, who are usually so quick to capitalise on the latest viral sensation, haven’t posted their own spoof ads.

Have their social media managers gone on holiday too?

Is it because it’s Chinese New Year?

- Published in The New Paper, 4 February 2019

READ: Can you actually drive from Bishan to Coleman Street without paying ERP charges at 7am on weekday?

Friday 1 February 2019

Soya milk: 'Unsweetened' doesn't mean no sugar - except FairPrice brand

I've been trying to reduce sugar in my diet (you know, because sugar is poison) by choosing "unsweetened" soya milk at the supermarket.

Until one day, I happened to read the nutrition information label on the carton and learnt to my shock and horror that even "unsweetened" soya milk contains sugar.

Marigold Power Beans' "unsweetened" soya milk contains 0.7g of sugar per 100ml.

I felt so deceived.

Another brand, Nutri Soy's "no sugar added" soya milk contains 0.8g of sugar per 100ml.

In their defence, both brands didn't say "no sugar". So it's my own fault for being so naive.

Except FairPrice brand's "unsweetened" soya milk actually contains 0g of sugar per 100ml!

So it is possible to have no sugar.

The lesson here is that not all brands of unsweetened soya milk are created equal.

Only FairPrice is truly sugarless.

And it's the cheapest too.

Consumers, be aware.