Monday 19 October 2020

From bat to worse: Bat eating bananas versus woman riding baby dino

Bat did not pay for the fruit.

Posted by AsiaOne on Friday, October 16, 2020

Dear bat eating bananas (and not bat-eating bananas because that would be CRAZY),

Hey, save some for me. Or better yet, don’t.

In fact, I may never eat a banana again.

What are you? A Minion?

Have you been tested for Covid-19? I wonder how they would insert a swab up your little nostril.

Why no mask? Want to get fined, is it?

Where’s a safe distancing ambassador when you need one?

Oh, I forgot. You don’t have to wear a mask when you’re eating.

It was an image that shook an entire nation.

And I’m not talking about Mark Lee in drag.

You’re famous now.

But it’s rather insensitive of you to re-enact the scene from the ending of the movie Contagion in the middle of a pandemic.

Too soon, man. It’s still two weeks till Halloween.

Because of you, FairPrice posted on Facebook last Friday:
“We are aware of a video circulating on social media of a bat eating a comb of bananas in the night at our 24-hour store located at 345 Jurong East Street 31. This incident occurred outside the store where the fruits were displayed.

“We have since moved all fruits inside the store to prevent future occurrences, and checks have also been made to ensure any fruits affected have been discarded.

“We are also in contact with the authorities to look into the cause for the presence of bats in the area.

“We apologise for any inconvenience caused.”
Why should FairPrice apologise? You’re the one who should apologise for making FairPrice move the fruits inside. No inconvenience caused for the rest of us.

I’m surprised FairPrice didn’t shut the outlet down for deep-cleaning or just burn it to the ground, you know, considering the whole Contagion thing. No offence.

But you weren’t the only one caught on camera where you shouldn’t be last week.

You know the Jurassic Mile that opened recently near Changi Airport with the outdoor dinosaur exhibits?

There is a video going around of a woman sitting on a baby dinosaur display and rocking back and forth.

A video of a woman rocking back and forth on a baby dinosaur exhibit started making the rounds earlier this week.

Posted by The Straits Times on Saturday, October 17, 2020

It’s a display, not a ride.

Many were outraged by her inconsiderate behaviour. You kind of wish the baby dino would come to life and eat her. Jurassic World 3: Makan Time!

What if because of this and other instances of vandalism, Changi Airport might consider moving the exhibits indoors like what FairPrice did with the fruits because of you?

But you did what you did because, well, you’re a bat. No offence.

The woman is no more civilised than a bat, except she apparently has TikTok.

And this is why we can’t have nice things, like unfenced dino displays and bananas hanging outside the supermarket.

Compared with humans, maybe you’re not so bat, I mean, bad after all.

I promise I will never eat soup made of you, even if it’s offered by Singapore Airlines.

I’m looking forward to see how many people are going to dress up as a bat eating bananas this Halloween.

Say hi to Bruce Wayne for me.

Speaking of which, wear a mask, dammit.

- Published in The New Paper, 19 October 2020

Saturday 17 October 2020

Amos Yee's surprisingly wholesome first claim to fame: Winning a New Paper short film contest at 13 that led to role in Jack Neo movie

So Amos Yee is back in the news again.

Amos Yee had allegedly exchanged nude photos and "thousands" of messages with a 14-year-old Texas girl while he was in Chicago.

Posted by The Straits Times on Friday, October 16, 2020

It seems like we have been hearing about the damn kid forever.

Actually, not forever. You probably first heard about him in 2015 when his video rant against Lee Kuan Yew went viral soon after LKY's death.

But that wasn't the first time Amos made the news.

In 2011 when he was 13, he won Best Short Film and Best Actor for his film titled Jan in The New Paper FiRST Film Fest.

Amos Yee could not find anyone to act in his three-minute short film.

So he played all four roles in Jan, which tells of a boy trying to get three friends to help save a girl diagnosed with cancer.

The 13-year-old said: “I couldn’t find any actors who were willing to help me and I thought a one-man job would impress the judges.”

And impress them he did: He won the Best Actor prize as well as the Best Short Film award at the inaugural The New Paper FiRST Film Fest (FFF) on Thursday night.

The Best Short Film prize came with a trophy and $5,000 worth of prizes from Sony.

Yee not only acted in the film, but he also wrote, directed and edited the short, which was shot in his bedroom over a few nights.

Not bad for someone with no previous film-making experience.

Speaking to Life! after the awards ceremony at Mandopop club Shanghai Dolly, the student from Zhonghua Secondary said he has been bitten by the directing bug.

“Right now, I’m going to make more videos and put them on YouTube and hopefully, continue making films,” said Yee, who plans to emulate the cinematic styles of his favourite directors Tim Burton and Steven Spielberg.

The judges for the competition, which drew 160 entries, were directors Jack Neo and Wee Li Lin, head of film distribution and programming for Golden Village Pictures Maria Lorenzo, TNP film critic Jason Johnson and co-founder of Sinema Old School Nicholas Chee.

Jack Neo was one of the judges of the film fest. This led to Amos being in Neo's 2012 movie We Not Naughty.

At the time, the precocious teen appeared to have a promising career as a child actor.

Three years later, all that would change as Amos Yee became the Amos Yee we know today.

Monday 5 October 2020

I have to (m)ask: How do you define 'eating or drinking'?

Do you remove your mask as soon as you sit down at a table, or do you stay masked until the food is served?

Posted by The Straits Times on Saturday, October 3, 2020

It was the first time I ate out in months because of the circuit breaker.

Even though I knew better, I reflexively took off my mask after taking my seat in the restaurant.

The hostess immediately rushed over and reminded me rather forcefully that I could take off my mask only after food or a drink had been brought to my table.

I was taken aback and chastened by her fierceness. She must have dealt with idiot customers like me too many times before.

Embarrassed, I apologised and quickly put my mask back on. I felt like a child scolded by my mother and deservingly so.

Looking back now, I might have gotten off easy.

Last week, the Ministry of Sustainability and the Environment revealed in a news release:
“On 25 September 2020, two patrons were fined $300 each for not wearing their masks when talking to each other at an F&B outlet in Orchard at 2.50am, even though they had completed their meal and their table had been cleared.”

What an expensive meal – a total of $600 plus whatever the two actually paid for the meal and this is Orchard we're talking about.

For that amount of money, they could have gone for a three-hour lunch for two in business class on an SIA Airbus A-380 double-decker superjumbo and maybe have enough left over for some pure Mao Shan Wang durian snowskin mooncakes with edible gold dust.

Here's a look at the various offerings for the Singapore Airlines experience.

Posted by The Straits Times on Thursday, October 1, 2020

But what I really want to know is how the two people were caught.

Did a safe distancing ambassador just happen to stroll past the F&B outlet and spot them not wearing masks?

The ambassador must have stood there and watched them long enough to observe that “they had completed their meal and their table had been cleared”.

But exactly how long is that?

As if that isn’t creepy enough, this happened at 2.50am?

There are safe distancing ambassadors working at that time of night?

I mean, if some stranger is standing outside a restaurant and watching me eat at almost three o’clock in the morning, I would be lucky that it’s only a safe distancing ambassador and not some psycho killer stalking me. Qu’est-ce que c’est?

Thanks to the pandemic, eating out is no longer a picnic.

There are rules.

One rule is keep your mask on except when eating or drinking. But how do you define “eating or drinking”?

Remember the hostess fiercely telling me that I could take off my mask once the food or drink arrived and nearly making me cry?

It seems that “eating or drinking” just means having some food or drink in front of you. You don’t have to be actually stuffing your face.

Would those two people have not been fined if their table had not been cleared? Whatever they had left over on their plates could still count as food.

Or would simply having a glass of water in front of them (which they didn’t even have to drink) have saved them $300 each?

I have seen people exploiting this “eating or drinking” loophole when they’re not dining in. They could be walking outside without their masks on simply because they have food or a drink in their hand.

Disney World in the US closed this loophole by updating its policy to allow visitors to eat or drink only when they’re “stationary”.

Disney World Closes Mask Loophole, Bans Eating And Drinking While Walking

Posted by Deadline Hollywood on Sunday, July 19, 2020

I never thought I would say this, but maybe Singapore should follow Disney World.

After all, aren’t we already Disneyland with the death penalty?

I’m not saying we should have a Mickey Mouse government, but the “mask on except when eating or drinking” rule is certainly ambiguous if not a little Goofy.

- Published in The New Paper, 5 October 2020