Tuesday 7 January 2014

TMI? Woman overshares about her love life as she cuts my hair

Tired of my long hair getting into my mouth, I went to get a haircut at QB House in Yew Tee Point yesterday.

The two female hairstylists there were chatting in Mandarin as they cut the customers' hair.

I paid the 12 bucks and when it was my turn, the longer-haired, more Lian-looking stylist asked me in Mandarin how I wanted my hair cut.

When I didn't answer quickly enough, she asked me again in English. I silently pointed to the other stylist with shorter hair.

Without even pausing to wonder why a man would want a woman's haircut, Long Hair just went to work on me and continued chatting in Mandarin with Short Hair.

What followed was revelation after shocking revelation about Long Hair's personal life.

I just sat there quietly and took it all in. I didn't have much choice. I was a captive and captivated audience.

First, Short Hair asked Long Hair about her boyfriend.

Long Hair said she has been living with her boyfriend for about a year, but his mother is now kicking her out because the mother has gone mental.

The thing is that the mother didn't even own the flat. It belonged to the boyfriend. They live in Punggol.

Long Hair said before the mother went mental, she and the mother used to get along very well and even went on holidays together, but Long Hair complained that the mother liked to "use people" and would ask Long Hair to buy stuff for her. So moving out may not be such a bad thing.

Short Hair asked if the boyfriend had a car. Long Hair said no.

Oh, said Short Hair, but you drive, right?

Yah, said Long Hair, I'm the one with the car.

I was impressed. How is it that a QB hairstylist can afford a car and I can't? I had clearly chosen the wrong career.

I was also intrigued that a woman who owns a car would date a man who doesn't.

And by the way, the man is married.

I could sense Short Hair trying not to overreact to this revelation - just as I did. I had to fight every impulse in my body so that I didn't even raise an eyebrow.

But he and his wife have broken up, right? asked Short Hair.

Yah, otherwise, you're just a slutty man-stealer, thought I.

Long Hair said her boyfriend and his wife have been separated for more than three years.

Oh, said Short Hair, that meant they're divorced.

No, said Long Hair, divorce is not automatic. You have to file for divorce.

Short Hair asked if the boyfriend has kids. Long Hair said two, aged 12 and 16.

Married with two kids and no car. Really, what did she see in this guy?

Oh, said Short Hair, that's just the right age for your kids.

Wait, what? Long Hair has kids too? Is or was she also married? I didn't dare ask.

The oldest she could be is 30, but I suck at guessing ages.

Long Hair said the wife doesn't visit the kids or care about them at all, leaving them to be looked after by the husband and his mother. The wife lives in Ang Mo Kio.

Short Hair asked Long Hair how she knew so much about the wife.

Long Hair said she and the wife used to be friends.

OMG! They were friends?!

But Long Hair said they stopped being friends after Long Hair started going out with her friend's husband.

Well, duh!

But of course Long Hair got together with her friend's husband only after they broke up.

Of course!

At that point, Long Hair finished cutting my hair. I looked like Dora The Explorer but without the bangs.

It took a little longer than the advertised 10 minutes, not that I'm complaining.

Long Hair showed me the back of my head with a mirror and gave me a hopeful thumbs up.

I had so many questions for her, but I just returned the thumbs up, meaning I was satisfied with my Dora The Explorer haircut.

So she vacuumed my head and sent me on my way. I didn't say a word through it all.

I should've asked Long Hair for a lift home.