Monday 2 March 2009

Hey, censor! Oscars not the only gay show on TV

Being a TV censor in Singapore is getting harder and harder.

I couldn't agree more with Sean Penn when he denounced Hollywood as “commie, homo-loving sons of guns” at the Oscars last week.

The 81st Annual Academy Awards was so gay that the Channel 5 censor had to really earn his keep by weeding out practically anything that had to do with the movie Milk in the repeat telecast, like the acceptence speech by the gay screenwriter.

MediaCorp doesn’t want to be fined $15,000 again for breaching “the Free-to-Air TV Programme Code which disallows programmes that promote, justify or glamourise gay lifestyles”.

But what about the live telecast of the Oscars?

Ironically, it was Penn himself who was responsible for the most in-your-face (literally) homosexual moment in Academy Awards history when in a clip from the movie Milk, he kissed James Franco full-on in the mouth.

What? No tongue? It was enough to turn me off kissing another man for months.

Franco then reappeared in a pre-recorded segment with his Pineapple Express co-star Seth Rogan as two stoner buddies rolling around on a couch and giggling uncontrollably at the Oscar nominees.

Bro, that’s not bromance – that’s just gay.

And on top of that, the segment reeked of so much pot that I got a contact high just by watching it. I still have the munchies a week later. I need more Twisties!

And then there was Hugh Jackman, who as Oscar host, offered Frank Langella a lapdance and possibly more.

Sure, Jackman may have been an X-Man, but he’s also a not-so-sheepish Broadway star in Wolverine’s clothing.

The dishy Aussie once won a Best Actor Tony for portraying the late gay Peter Allen in the stage musical, The Boy From Oz, in which Jackman also kissed another dude.

Still not gay enough for you? His name is “Jack Man”.

If only Billy Crystal had hosted the Oscars again this year – no, wait, didn’t he play an openly gay character in the ’70s sitcom Soap?

Oh my god, they’re everywhere!

This is how insidiously Hollywood has spread its liberal pro-gay agenda to the rest of the world.

Look at our own Channel 5.

There is The Ellen Degeneres Show, whose openly lesbian titular host is married to that hot blonde from Ally McBeal and Arrested Development.

There is Desperate Housewives, created by Marc Cherry, an openly gay man.

There is Two And A Half Men – I believe the name of the show speaks for itself.

And it’s not just imported programmes.

Last weekend, the upcoming local drama Polo Boys held auditions for “alpha-males with pecs and personalities”, who were requested to show up in their “most flattering swimming trunks”.

Is it any wonder that before the show even airs, Polo Boys is already a hot topic on the local gay Internet forums? Not that I frequent these forums... that often.

It seems the Channel 5 censor has his work cut out for him. I’m talking to you, Mr David Christie.

- Unpublished