It's always something.
For the Marina Run, I was recovering from an injury.
For the 2XU Compression Run, it was blisters from running without socks.
For yesterday morning's Income Eco Run (formerly NTUC Income Run 350), it was diarrhoea.
Or at least, that was what I thought it was.
As I approached the Stadium MRT station, I wanted to go to the toilet there but changed my mind when I saw other runners heading towards it because I didn't want to have to wait in line.
I convinced myself that I could hold it and use it as motivation to run faster to the finish line.
My priority was still hitting my target time.
But just a few minutes later, I regretted not stopping at the MRT station as I felt like I was going to explode.
When I ran past the entrance of Gardens by the Bay East, I saw what looked like a sign for the men's restroom.
So I veered off course only to see the sign was actually an "i" for information counter.
But I took a chance and ran farther in and was overjoyed to find a toilet. It was empty too. So I didn't have to wait in line.
I hurriedly went into a stall and let go.
Very loudly.
As it turned out, I didn't have diarrhoea after all. It just was a huge wet fart.
I quickly wiped myself and returned to the race.
A few minutes later, I felt the pressure in my bowels again. Dammit!
Whether it was diarrhoea or a wet fart, I couldn't let go because I didn't want liquid coming out of my ass while I was running.
And I still had half the half marathon to go.
This time I forced myself to keep it in.
I believe these were the 2 hour 30 minute pacers (with the balloons) who overtook me.
Guess what this girl in the clown wig was giving out.
She was giving out energy chews and I was delighted to get this old-school ice pop from her buddies.
It was sweet and refreshingly cold and really hit the spot.
I didn't even care how it might affect my digestive problem.
The sight of these 2 hour 45 minute pacers behind me gave me hope that I could still make my target time of 2 hours 40 minutes.
According to my Runkeeper and Strava apps, this was my best half marathon time.
Runkeeper:
Strava:
Imagine how much better my time would've been if not for the toilet break.
There appeared to be fewer participants than in the 2XU Compression Run, so the Income Eco Run felt less like a clusterfuck.
But this whole "eco run" idea seemed rather half-heartedly executed compared to the Green Race where no disposable cups were used and the finisher's medal was made of wood.
Whereas the Income Eco Run medal is only "partially made from recycled materials".
Still, the Income Eco Run was the most pleasant experience of the three half marathons I've joined this year.
Well, except for the wet farts.
Monday 1 May 2017
TRENDING POSTS OF THE WEEK
-
So I was shooting the breeze with this ladyboy I met at a bar in the beach resort town of Pattaya , Thailand, while on shore leave. I wi...
-
Dear Ashley Garcia , Clothes maketh the man while the lack of clothes can make a woman famous. Sometimes unintentionally. I mean, y...
-
I first met Darryl David at Gurmit Singh's wedding dinner in 1995. David's date was a woman named Lynette Pang , who was a stag...
-
Speed That’s what you need To beat the rest And be the best To get the gold Before you get too old And speed is what I lack That’s ...
-
Okay, I fell for it. When I read that Mediacorp actress Joanne Peh was going nude for the first time in a drama, Last Madame, I was curiou...
-
It’s like 1996 all over again. Only instead of the Macarena , we’re dancing Gangnam Style . Instead of watching the White House get bl...
-
My mother and I don’t talk about sex much. About 90 per cent of what I know about the subject I learnt when I was in the navy during my ...
-
To answer the question that everyone is asking – no, it’s not because you’re Chinese. It’s because everyone has been repeating the line fr...
-
Did you see the pictures of Ris Low in The New Paper on Wednesday? Those legs! That hair! The peek-a-boo panties! If the pictures wer...
-
Lately, I've been noticing the recurring use of an unfamiliar word on social media. Aisey. Posted by SMRT Ltd (Feedback) on Wedne...