So do you eat to live or live to eat?
Mostly, I just eat to live to stave off starvation, but occasionally, I eat to eat to stave off boredom.
For me, eating has pretty much become another unpleasant necessary routine akin to breathing, visiting the toilet and putting on pants before going to work.
The only periods in my life when I truly looked forward to meal times were during my in-camp training, my 10 days in a mental health hospital and that one night I spent in jail simply because there was nothing else to look forward to (except getting out of the place).
There’a misconception that I love food. What I love is free food, an important distinction.
I would force myself to eat any food that's free even though I may not really care for the food.
But considering the problem of obesity and the health hazards in just about everything we eat, even if I do “live to eat”, I would be ashamed to admit it. It would be like admitting to patronising an underage prostitute.
Which is why I'm surprised that there are people – they call themselves “foodies” – who proudly proclaim that they “live to eat” and pity those who don’t share their joy for food.
Maybe it’s because Singapore brands itself as a shopping and food paradise, thus promoting materialism and over-eating as virtues.
Where greed and gluttony should be sins, conspicuous consumption is celebrated. (Lust is still a sin, but that's a whole other can of whores.)
Shopaholics waste money, but food addicts are also risking their health.
And even I, the paragon of self-restraint, am not immune to temptation. Every now and then, something comes along that gets me excited about food again.
In 2008, it was Burger King's BK Quad Stacker, which had four layers of beef patty and cheese with bacon inside a sesame seed bun.It was sold at the same time as McDonald's Mega Mac, basically the Big Mac with twice the beef.
To construct my own ultra burger, I merged the BK Quad Stacker and the Mega Mac to create one epic eight-patty monster I called the Mega Octo Stacker Frankenburger! (Cue thunder and lightning.)
It was a little messy, but I fed my family for two days with it.
During the 2010 World Cup, I was awestruck by Pizza Hut’s Goooal! Splitza – a pizza in the shape of a football field.
But it was a bit of a letdown because the actual pizza resembled a football field that had been the site of a particularly violent match in the rain during a mudslide.
Then last week, in conjunction with The Avengers movie, KFC finally launched its fabled Double Down burger in Singapore, calling it “the mightiest burger ever assembled”.
I’m officially more excited about the burger than the movie.
Introduced in the US in 2010, the KFC Double Down arrives on our shores in the form of turkey bacon, sliced cheese and mayonnaise sandwiched between two crispy Zinger chicken fillets.
No buns. It doesn’t even have the pesky lettuce that comes with a regular Zinger. That’s commitment.
So I rushed to the nearest KFC outlet and got my hands on the only burger worthy of being compared with Iron Man, Thor, Captain America and The Hulk combined.
(Hawkeye and Black Widow are the whipped potato and coleslaw respectively. Nick Fury is the drink. Loki is the straw.)
But having been disappointed before – the BK Quad Stacker tasted too beefy and the Goooal! Splitza tasted like any other Pizza Hut pizza – I tried not to get my hopes up too high.
And then I took my first bite of the Zinger Double Down – and immediately succumbed to the superhero crunch unmuffled by bread.
It was everything I imagined it would be.
If I were in Thailand, I would definitely order it from KFC after hurrying home to follow the earthquake news.
I know a burger with two pieces of deep fried chicken meat as “buns” is as bad for me as the buns of an underage prostitute, but the pleasures are undeniable.
Living to eat is one thing, but eating this burger could literally stop you from living.
I only regret that I have but one life to give for the Zinger Double Down.
When I end up in hell and the Devil asks me if it was worth it, my answer will be:
“Blame it on the Avengers.”
- Published in The New Paper, 22 April 2012
UPDATE: How 'Max' is the new KFC Zinger Double Down Max?
