29 June 2015

He's so over the rainbow: 'Would you be truly happy if your children declare they will marry the same gender?'

I think this could be the first time Singaporeans ever cared about a US Supreme Court decision.

Even Ho Ching, wife of Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong (who is so fond of pink shirts), shared this:

After the court legalised gay marriage in America last week, many used the rainbow filter on their Facebook profile photo to celebrate, including Singaporeans.

Well, not everyone.

Yesterday, a Facebook friend posted this:

Reading this, I'm not sure if he's anti-gay marriage or just anti-bandwagon jumping.

At first, I thought, "Oh, he's gonna get it."

To my surprise, he wasn't flamed. The replies to his comment were civil and, uh... thoughtful?

I would also like to reply to his comment here.

Will I "genuinely be truly happy" if my son or daughter "declare that they will marry the same gender"?

No, I will not.

Because I know the discrimination they will face. The whispers behind their back.

Because I know you can't legally marry someone of the same sex in Singapore.

I will not be happy because gay marriage may be legal in America but not everywhere else. Not every Singaporean can go to London to get married like Ivan Heng.

And if you're not legally married, you can't get an HDB flat and you can't move out and your mother and I will still have to take care of you.

You would think that with all these rainbow-coloured HDB blocks, HDB would be pro-gay marriage.

But I will be happy that my son or daughter has found someone he or she want to spend his or her life with, even if it's someone of the same sex. I just hope they'll be rich enough to afford private housing.

I may not have jumped on the bandwagon and switched my profile picture to the "rainbow hue", but I sorta got the shirt.

A photo posted by SM Ong (@sm_ong) on

28 June 2015

Feeling old & inadequate because of Joseph Schooling, pull-up guy & our first woman general

I celebrated my 49th birthday this month.

“Celebrated” is perhaps the wrong word. It was more like a wake for my lost youth.

As if to rub it in, national swimmer Joseph Schooling’s birthday is on the same day as mine.

He celebrated his by donating $10,000 to charity. I “celebrated” mine by drowning my sorrows in Korean fried chicken wings at Chir Chir Fusion Chicken Factory in 313 Somerset.

Apart from sharing June 16 as our birthday, Schooling and I have little in common.

He has six-pack abs. I eat a lot of Korean fried chicken.

Days before turning 20, Schooling won nine gold medals in the SEA Games.

Last year, I received the finisher medal for completing the Hello Kitty Run on Sentosa.

At least I can brag that my medal is shaped like Hello Kitty whereas Schooling can’t say the same about his boringly round SEA Games medals.

At 20, my greatest achievement was getting a trophy for being on the team that won a tug-of-war competition when I was in polytechnic.

When I was 20, Madonna was singing Papa Don’t Preach.

Today, Madonna has to remind people who she is by singing Bitch I’m Madonna. It’s time someone told her, “Mama, don’t bitch.”

But Schooling isn’t the only one who has made me feel inadequate and that I’ve wasted my life.

At 25, National University of Singapore undergrad Yeo Kim Yeong got into the Guinness World Records by doing 44 pull-ups in a minute.

Sure, it can’t compare with Schooling’s nine gold medals, but at least Mr Yeo didn’t defer his national service (NS) to accomplish his feat.

But why only 44 pull-ups? Would it have killed him to do six more for SG50?

Remember those two guys who ran 50km every day for 50 days for SG50?

Did they stop after running 44km on the 44th day and say, “That’s it. I’m done”?

Not that I could even do 44 pull-ups myself.

When I was 25, I went AWOL in the canteen during my NS, which I mentioned in last week’s column.

Speaking of the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF), a woman also made me feel emasculated in my birthday month.

At 40, Colonel Gan Siow Huang has broken the camouflaged ceiling by becoming the first woman in the SAF to be promoted to Brigadier-General last week. She will assume her rank on Jul 1.

And I’m still a corporal. Maybe it has something to do with me going AWOL in the canteen when I was 25.

Wait, isn’t SAF celebrating its 50th anniversary this year?

So it took the organisation half a century to give a woman a star on her epaulette?

How come the Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware) didn’t complain about this during those five decades? Was Aware unaware?

Is it because soon-to-be BG Gan couldn’t do 44 pull-ups in a minute?

Pull-ups aren’t even part of the Individual Physical Proficiency Test (IPPT) any more.

At 40, I didn’t get a promotion but received a Hamilton watch instead from the SAF and was told to go away.

A photo posted by SM Ong (@sm_ong) on

I was finally done with NS.

Although I’m relieved to no longer have to pass my IPPT, looking back, I sometimes miss those days because they represent a bygone era before I became middle-aged and ate too many Korean fried chicken wings.

But you know what really made me feel old?

After breaking the national 50m freestyle record during the SEA Games, Schooling was quoted as saying: “It’s a huge relief to break Uncle Peng Siong’s record.”

Huh? Who is “Uncle Peng Siong”?

You mean Ang Peng Siong?

Since when did Ang Peng Siong become “Uncle Peng Siong”?

I remember when Ang set the record 33 years ago, he was Schooling’s age.

Ang was the guy every Singaporean guy wanted to be and every Singaporean girl wanted to meet.

He was the guy with the abs then. Now he’s “Uncle Peng Siong”?

Did he eat too many Korean fried chicken wings too?

Ang will be 53 on Oct 27.

Uh... happy birthday?

As for me, all I have to look forward to now is the big Hawaii Five-O next year.

If only I was born a year earlier, I could be celebrating my 50th birthday this year along with SG50. I couldn’t even get that right.

I blame my parents.

But as I embark on the final year of my 40s, I’ve come to terms with all of that.

Just don’t call me “uncle”.

- Published in The New Paper, 28 June 2015

EARLIER: Am I the 'sex pervert uncle' of Choa Chu Kang?

26 June 2015

What gives? Amos Yee now in IMH, but his Facebook posts still refer to prison

How is it that I am in prison, yet I am still able to post something on Facebook? Well… If you want to fuck with the Government, fuck with them all the way.
Posted by Amos Yee on Thursday, June 18, 2015

It has been a bit of a mystery how the Facebook page of Amos Yee continued to be updated even though he supposedly had no access to the Internet in Changi Prison.

Some have speculated that it was his mother doing the updating. Others think they are pre-scheduled posts.

Then on Tuesday, Yee was remanded to Institute of Mental Health (IMH) to undergo psychiatric assessment.

But his Facebook posts still talk about prison life and make no reference to IMH.

In prison, my cell mates would become so bored that they became immensely excited when they saw a little fly, hovering...
Posted by Amos Yee on Tuesday, June 23, 2015

Cellmates, often thinking about the implications of them being in jail, or getting frustrated by the tedium of being in...
Posted by Amos Yee on Thursday, June 25, 2015

One time, quite inexplicably, the toilet bowl suddenly broke down, and we couldn’t flush the toilet.I went to the...

Posted by Amos Yee on Thursday, June 25, 2015

A glitch in the Matrix?

This suggests that the Facebook posts were scheduled prior to anyone knowing that Yee would be sent to IMH.

Mystery solved?

If Yee did pre-write these posts beforehand, wow.

That took a lot of work, creativity and forward planning plus an obsessive determination to continue trolling everyone even from behind bars.

He is supposed to be out of IMH in two weeks from Tuesday.


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