Sunday 19 June 2011

Obedient Wives Club – the perfect Father's Day present?

I know all of you have been waiting for my announcement, so here it is.

I'm not running in the presidential election.

Now that we got that out of the way, we can discuss the real important news - the Obedient Wives Club.

Naturally, some women are already demanding an Obedient Husbands Club.

I believe it already exists, although it's better known as the Association of Women for Action and Research (Aware).

Wasn't it just four months ago when Aware called for mandatory paternity leave to force husbands to stay home and help look after the baby? (Oh, by the way, happy Father's Day.)

Aware claimed that it would help reverse Singapore's declining birthrate. It said: "When women have to bear the bulk of childcare responsibilities, they are less inclined to have children."

Oh, really?

Last week, The Straits Times reported that new research has revealed another possible reason more Singapore women don't want to become baby-making machines.

It's because they're more materialistic!

The research showed that when they value material success, they are less likely to view procreation "favourably". Having kids is considered a drain on their time and resources.

Ha! So it has nothing to do with the lack of paternity leave! Take that, Aware!

The same research also showed that Singapore women tend to choose their spouse based on his social position while men choose based on looks.

Well, duh! (It's like conducting a study to find out if Singapore buses and MRT trains are really crowded during rush hour.)

In light of this irrefutable empirical evidence, it doesn't seem so outrageous for the Obedient Wives Club to equate wives with prostitutes now, does it?

Although such a "club" may seem like the perfect Father's Day gift, being a dad myself, I'd prefer a Blu-Ray player with built-in wifi. (Hey, I can be materialistic too.)

On the other hand, my mother would love an Obedient Daughters-In-Law Club.

My wife discovered this only on our wedding day when it was too late for her to back out.

As my wife recounted recently on her blog: "On the day, after leaving the Registry of Marriage, I entered me hubs' home and his mum performed some kind of ritual."

Don't ask me what "ritual" my wife was talking about. Apparently, marrying into my family is like joining a cult.

My wife continued: "Then she put a long gold chain over my neck. While doing so, she whispered in my ear, 'You must obey me! You must obey me!'

"I was speechless."

It appears that chain was meant as some sort of golden leash. Surprisingly, my wife still wears it.

A tip for future mothers-in-law: Telling your son's new wife to obey you is probably the least effective way of getting her to obey you.

Currently, as it has been since that fateful day 16 years ago, the woman who gave me life is barely on speaking terms with the woman I'm sharing that life with.

And guys, based on bitter personal experience, I can also tell you that saying "You must obey me" to your wife doesn't work either.

Torn between two women, your mother and your wife?

Join the club.

- Published in The New Paper, 19 June 2011