Sunday 31 October 2010

Forget Halloween - I wish you a happy new year

You know, I like to be ahead of my time because it makes me feel superior to other people.

That’s why I wear a T-shirt that says “I listen to bands that don’t even exist yet”.

That’s why I was on Facebook long before anyone heard of the movie The Social Network.

That’s why almost 20 years ago, I raved about this little horror movie called Braindead long before its director, Peter Jackson, became famous for The Lord Of The Rings movies and unleashed onto the world the horror that is Orlando Bloom’s acting.

That’s why I get hungry before it’s time to eat. That’s why I don’t think premature ejaculation is all that bad. And that’s why I read monthly magazines as they too are ahead of their time. Do you know that you can actually buy the November issue of many magazines in October? It’s like time travelling!

Imagine if you can get tomorrow’s edition of The New Paper today. You’ll be rich from betting on the horse racing results. But then you would also have to race against time to save the woman who was hit by a car in an accident that is reported in tomorrow’s paper but hasn’t happened yet. Wait ... wasn’t that a TV show? Anyway, where was I? Oh yah, magazines.

So I was getting my future copy of Yachting World in Borders last week when I noticed the bookstore was selling Christmas stuff. Already?

Then I stepped out of Wheelock Place and I saw the Christmas decorations along Orchard Road. Already?

All of a sudden, I felt so behind the times. And here was I, still preparing for Halloween, which is today.

I’m planning to go as Jack Neo, by the way. My costume consists of a pair of spectacles and an obliviousness to my own moral hypocrisy.

But I have yet to decide on what to wear for Deepavali on Friday or figured out my outfit for Hari Raya Haji, which is less than two weeks after that. I couldn’t believe Orchard Road is three holidays ahead of me.

If I was still living in America, there would still be the Thanksgiving holiday on Nov 25. The Christmas shopping season starts the day after - on what has become known as Black Friday.

In Singapore, the Christmas shopping season can start whenever it wants as long as it’s after the Great Singapore Sale.

Which I think is great because if there’s one thing that this country sorely needs, it’s an excuse to go shopping.

But I’m not letting anyone – or anything – get the better of me, even if it’s a road that has to be raised over the next few months to reduce flooding.

So next week, I'm going to get a haircut, wear red, visit my relatives and demand they give my kids hongbao. Gong xi fa cai!

(The TV show was Early Edition.)

- Published in The New Paper, 31 October 2010