The only way the “star witness” can get more attention is if she suddenly starts dancing Gangnam Style outside the courthouse.
After all, Ms Sue and her back-up dancers... I mean “bodyguards” already have the sunglasses for it. Heyyyyyy, sexy lady!
The good will you get for Code Of Law being a spin-off of the overrated lawyer show The Pupil can get you only so far. Even The Pupil’s ratings tanked in the second season.
In terms of entertainment value, whatever fictional court cases you can concoct for your rip-off ...I mean Singapore version of the US series Law & Order can’t compete with the real-life abbreviation-filled court testimony by Ms Sue which started last week.
But it’s not from lack of trying on your part.
You hired the pretty Joanne Peh and the even prettier Keagan Kang as your Code Of Law leads – but they’re no Cecilia Sue.
(As an aside, didn’t Kang use to date former weather girl and Triple Nine actress Chong Chia Suan? She’s a teacher in UK now and speaks with a seriously hardcore angmoh accent. I always thought he was too petite for her.)
Besides hewing to Law & Order’s rigid cops-and-lawyers split format, you’re also emulating the cancelled US show’s reliance on “ripped from the headlines” storylines.
Your first episode was based on an actual case ripped from local headlines. Unfortunately, those local headlines are about six years old.
Not exactly timely, are you?
In the opening scene of the series which premiered two weeks ago, a woman’s severed head was found in Orchard Road.
The woman turned out to be a Filipino maid who was killed by another Filipino maid because the dead maid owed the killer maid money. The killer maid was caught, put on trial and was sentenced to 10 years’ jail by the end of the episode.
Back in 2006, Filipino maid Guen Garlejo Aguilar was sentenced to 10 years’ jail for manslaughter after strangling and dismembering fellow Filipino maid Jane Parangan La Puebla.
So by re-enacting this case six years later, Code Of Law is also like Crimewatch except much tardier and with better acting but the same cheesy music.
Of course, the names and some of the circumstances of the case were changed in Code Of Law as I don’t think Aguilar’s lawyers were as gorgeous as Joanne Peh and Keagan Kang because, come on, no one can be.
But that was just the first episode. Even though it was only less than a fortnight ago, it was a different time back then.
Those were simpler days when a severed woman’s head was more shocking than a woman’s head being forced into a man’s crotch.
It was a time when DIY still meant home improvement and SP still meant the place where I got my diploma in electronics engineering.
By the second episode of Code Of Law on Thursday, the nation’s collective innocence had been shattered by Ms Sue’s testimony – and the honeymoon was over for your show.
Code Of Law was upstaged by another programme on Channel 5.
That programme was News 5 Tonight.
In that second episode of Code Of Law, the case involved two gang members accused of killing a rival gang member in a gang fight.
On News 5 Tonight that same night after the episode, oral sex was mentioned three times in a two-minute report on Ms Sue’s court testimony in the sex-for-contracts case against former Central Narcotics Bureau head Ng Boon Gay.
Make-believe gang violence versus oral sex – what do you think viewers would be talking about the next day?
No fight, man.
As consolation, maybe six years from now, you could re-enact Ms Sue’s testimony for an episode of Code Of Law (although by then, the bigger shock would be that Code Of Law is still on the air).
I just hope Crimewatch won’t beat you to it.
- Published in The New Paper, 30 September 2012
2018 UPDATE: I’m shocked that six years later, Code Of Law was back on the air for a fourth season
But thanks to this story, I found out something - there was once a cemetery where I used to live in Mei Ling Street, also where the million-dollar HDB flat is.
I was going on and on in my column about the nearby haunted former Queenstown Remand Prison and I didn't even know about the cemetery!
So you paid $1 million to live at a former cemetery. Have you seen Poltergeist? ("You only moved the headstones!")
The other thing that I thought was interesting in the paper was this column by Lee Wei Ling on private tuition.
She wrote:
"Throughout our school years, when someone from the BBC was available, my parents would arrange an informal tutorial for us. The tutor I remember best is a Mrs Dinnes, a motherly Scottish woman who spoke English with a slight and pleasant Scottish burr...
"When she left Singapore, my father arranged for the daughter of the then British High Commissioner to tutor me. He did not want his children speaking Singlish."
So her English tutor was the British High Commissioner's daughter.
Even I, who have yet to succumb to the temptation of buying a mooncake no matter how many crazy flavours there are, wasn’t safe from the hype.
I received the SMS at 8.42pm on Wednesday.
For once, it wasn’t from a mysterious number informing me of the newest freehold development just minutes away from an MRT station. Call now for VVIP preview! UN to unsub.
Instead, it was from the “SingTel iPhone Team”.
The message: “The Appointment Booking Site will open tonight, 19 Sept from 10pm. Visit https://m.singtelshop.com/iphone5apptbooking to make your appointment to purchase the iPhone 5 at the launch event. Appointment slots are limited.”
Suddenly, my life changed. Suddenly, my pointless pathetic existence on this planet had meaning. Suddenly, I had a purpose.
I decided I would be the first person in Singapore to get the iPhone 5.
I would be famous.
My picture would be on the front page of The Straits Times. (And not just in a little blurb buried somewhere in the corner on an inside page.)
Men would want to be me. Women would want to sleep with me. And so would muscular men in V-neck T-shirts carrying large handbags.
My quest for epicness would begin at 10pm on Wednesday – one hour and 18 minutes after I got the SMS. It would be the longest one hour and 18 minutes of my life.
I received the SMS because two days earlier, I had “registered my interest” for the iPhone 5 at the SingTel website. I later learnt I was among a record 68,000 people to have done so.
When I registered, I wasn’t planning on getting the new phone so soon because I mistakenly thought I wasn’t eligible to recontract until the end of the year. But after registering, I checked and discovered I had been eligible since July!
And so the seed of my “first person in Singapore to get the iPhone 5” ambition was sown.
I set the alarm on my museum-ready iPhone 4 for 10pm.
No, to play it safe, I changed it to 9.59pm.
What the heck, let’s make it 9.55.
Before 9.55pm, I was already at my desktop computer watching the clock. I prematurely went to the SingTel iPhone 5 page and all I got was a message to check the “bulletin board” for updates.
(Not the first time I’ve been premature if you know what I mean.)
Then at 9.57pm, my stomach felt strange. Alamak. What did I eat?
I really needed to go to the toilet. Why now at this critical moment? Should I stay or should I go? This indecision was bugging me.
I thought of Katy Perry and forced myself to hold it for a few more minutes.
The pain …the pain …and I didn’t even eat any chendol ice cream mooncake.
At 10pm (finally!), I went to the SingTel iPhone 5 page – but still got the “bulletin board” message.
The same thing happened at 10.01pm. And 10.02pm. And 10.03pm. Ahhhhhh!
I rushed to the toilet with my iPhone 4. The Wi-Fi in the toilet sucked, but at least I could get a connection.
After some pain-relieving diarrhoea, I managed to tap my way to the SingTel iPhone 5 page on my phone a few times and eventually got a new message: The appointment booking site was open, but due to overwhelming response, blah blah blah, try again.
And so I tried again and again and again, left the toilet, returned to the computer and tried again and again and again …until 11.35pm.
That was when I got another message: “Thank you for your overwhelming support for the iPhone 5 with SingTel. All appointment slots for the launch event are now fully booked. Stay tuned to SingTel iPhone 5 bulletin board for updates!”
And just like that, my dream was over.
I didn’t get any of the 10,000 appointment slots.
No more first person in Singapore to get the iPhone 5. No more Straits Times front page. No more Katy Perry. No more muscular men in V-neck T-shirts.
I used to live in Block 158, Mei Ling Street – only less than 10 block numbers away.
If only my family hadn’t sold our flat in the mid-80s, we could be sitting on a million-dollar gold mine today.
So what if it isn’t an executive maisonette (it’s a two-bedroom unit) or 17 years old (it’s closer to 40)?
I don’t know how much money my parents got from the sale, but it's safe to say it didn't make us millionaires.
But having lived in Queenstown from when I was in kindergarten until I was a poly student, I still have fond memories of the area and visit every few years out of nostalgia – sometimes using Google Map Street View when I don’t feel like making the trip.
But despite my lingering attachment to Queenstown, I have to wonder, is living in one of Singapore's oldest HDB estates worth $1 million?
Yes, you’re near Queensway Shopping Centre – but then you’re also near the site of the former Queenstown Remand Prison, which was demolished a couple of years ago. It was said to be haunted. I bet the property agent never mentioned that.
Yes, you’re near Alexandra Hospital – but then, I repeat, you’re also near a haunted former prison.
Yes, you’re near Queenstown Sports Complex, which includes a football field, a running track and five swimming pools – but, oh, did I mention the haunted former prison?
Yes, you’re near Golden City and Venus cinemas (I watched Battle For The Planet Of The Apes in one of them) – but then the buildings have long since been converted to churches and later also abandoned.
So there are now no cinemas at all in Queenstown.
Yes, you’re near Tah Chung Emporium, the Ion Orchard of its day (where I once mistakenly bought liquor-filled chocolate and wondered why it tasted so awful) – but then it’s now just flat ground.
Yes, you’re near the Queenstown MRT station – but then if you think you can board a packed train heading east to the city during morning rush hour, prepare to be traumatised.
You’d have (slightly) better luck if you board the train going the opposite direction all the way to the Lakeside station, alight and then take another train back heading east from there.
In which case, you might as well live near Lakeside station, which is in Jurong West – incidentally, where I moved to from Mei Ling Street.
The air stinks in Jurong, but at least there are cinemas there.
So why would anyone pay $1 million to live in Queenstown?
And then I noticed something.
Which housing estate did Prince William and his wife Kate visit last week? It wasn’t Bishan or Tampines.
It was Queenstown!
Coincidence?
The royal couple’s Singapore itinerary was made public on Aug 30, which provided more than enough time for the million-dollar deal to be made.
Wayang aside, if only I knew of this itinerary 30 years ago, I would’ve urged my parents to stay put in Mei Ling Street – for someday, our prince (and his wife) would come and turn our humble home into a million bucks.
I could buy 1,054 new iPhone 5s (without contract) with that kind of money.
You mean their names are not Jia Jia and Liang Teh?
I think someone is missing a major sponsorship opportunity here.
So how excited are you about the two new foreign talents from China coming to Singapore?
Judging by the number of “panda-monium” puns, it seemed that many are indeed thrilled by the arrival of giant panda couple Jia Jia and Kai Kai last week – and they don’t even play table tennis.
The last time there was so much hype about the animal, it knew kungfu and had the speaking voice of Tenacious D’s lead singer.
With all this hoopla surrounding China’s “national treasures” on our island, how are we going to match the pomp for the upcoming visit to Singapore by British royalty Prince William and his wife Catherine on Tuesday?
Will Singapore Airlines offer limited-edition plush toy versions of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge?
On their flight here, will the temperature be kept at 18 to 22 deg C and the humidity at 50 to 60 per cent to mimic their natural habitat?
Will they be fed lots of bamboo?
Will they be quarantined in a 1,500 sq m dome enclosure costing $8.6 million in Mandai for a month?
Will Minister of State for Trade and Industry Teo Ser Luck, former President S R Nathan and former Nominated Member of Parliament Claire Chiang be at Changi Airport to wearing neon green vests and holding a banner that says “Singapore welcomes Wills and Kate”?
Anything less would be a slap in Their Highnesses’ faces.
Unlike the pandas, at least the human prince and his wife are more likely to be able to read the banner.
Still, the pandas and the royals may have more in common than you realise, apart from them coming to Singapore in the same month.
For one thing, both the pandas and the royals are couples - as in there’s a boy (Kai Kai, Prince William) and there’s a girl (Jia Jia, Kate Middleton).
For another thing, the royals come from Britain which just hosted the London Olympics last month where Singapore won two bronze medals in table tennis.
The pandas come from China which hosted the Beijing Olympics in 2008 where Singapore won a silver medal in table tennis.
So both the royals and the pandas come from countries that hosted the Olympics where we won at least one medal in table tennis.
Also, Prince William has a brother Harry who was recently photographed naked in Las Vegas.
I don’t know if Jia Jia or Kai Kai has siblings, but they must have relatives back in China and I’m guessing they also enjoy baring it all. (Or rather, "bearing" it all. Smirk.)
So both the royals and the pandas have family members who are not always so keen on clothing.
Finally, remember Mr Teo (who showed up in a neon green vest with Mr Nathan and Ms Chiang holding a banner to greet the illiterate pandas at Changi Airport)?
He reportedly said that having the pandas mate is a KPI, or key performance indicator.
In his speech at the panda arrival ceremony on Thursday, Mr Teo said: “I’m sure many visitors and Singaporeans look forward to seeing Kai Kai and Jia Jia when the panda exhibit opens by the end of the year.
“And we look forward even more to hearing the pitter patter of baby panda feet soon.”
I wouldn’t call it a KPI, but having Prince William and his wife mate during their Singapore visit would certainly be a bonus.
With all the “Kate is pregnant” rumours, it’s safe to say that many are looking forward to hearing the pitter patter of royal baby feet soon.
How cool would it be if those royal baby feet were conceived during the royals’ three days here on our island?
Unfortunately, as Mr Teo himself acknowledged, Singapore is somewhat challenged when it comes to getting people to procreate.
Maybe we’ll have better luck with pandas.
Speaking of which, I’m getting a little thirsty. I think I’ll quench my thirst with a refreshing can of Jia Jia Liang Teh.
When I learnt that Vernetta Lopez’s autobiography Memoirs Of A DJ: Life In Progress was published last week, I rushed to the nearest major bookstore to buy it for the same reason everyone else did:
I wanted to see if I’m mentioned in the book.
After all, I have written a few episodes of Under One Roof which she starred in. I have also written and directed a few episodes of Daddy’s Girls which she also starred in. (The show won the Asian TV Award for best comedy in 2005.)
She has seen me undo my pants for reasons that shall remain unclear. It was the 90s.
I have even attended her wedding dinner - the first one.
It was held in a ballroom of a hotel on Orchard Road and it was funnest wedding dinner I had ever attended. I might have forgotten to give a hongbao, which made it even better. Free food!
So I was a little disappointed and hurt that in 2009, I wasn’t invited to her second wedding dinner.
Who knows why she didn’t invite me? Maybe she thought I jinxed her first marriage to Mark Richmond, which ended in divorce in 2003, and she didn’t want me to have anything with the second one. That's understandable.
Or maybe she remembered I didn’t give her a hongbao for that 1997 wedding dinner.
Anyway, I forgive her.
But you know what I can’t forgive?
I’m not mentioned anywhere in her book!
I just wasted $19.90. (Actually. I paid only $17.91 for the book because I got a 10 per cent discount by using my Popular membership card.)
Don’t tell me she's still mad about the hongbao.
I mean, what does a guy have to do to get a mention in her autobiography?
Marry her and cheat on her with a woman with the initial “B”?
That's what Richmond did and he has two big chapters about him in the book. I'm so jealous.
In the chapter called “The Dark Years”, Lopez described how two weeks before the wedding, Richmond wanted to call it off because of “cold feet”. But she didn’t want to as she was “worried about the public fallout”.
I’m glad she didn’t because otherwise, I would’ve been deprived of attending the funnest wedding dinner ever.
As she writes in the book: “But seriously, wasn’t the party great?”
Yes, it was.
Later in the chapter, she confronted her then-husband Richmond about a note she discovered among his things with the words: “I can still smell you on my pillow.” It was signed “B”.
I’m not sure what the big deal is. When my wife tells me she can smell me on her pillow, that’s just a not-so-subtle hint that it’s about time I change the bed sheets - and to stop using her pillow.
Although Lopez writes about “B” meeting her to explain the note, Lopez doesn’t identify “B” in the book. I wonder who “B” could be.
In another chapter called “The Stakeout”, Lopez describes how she was coaxed by a friend to secretly follow the cheating Richmond and they caught him with the other woman, whom again Lopez doesn’t name.
In the book, she likens the stakeout to something in the movie When Harry Met Sally, but doesn’t she know this is actually a plot from an episode of Under One Roof, where Dolly and her friend Rosnah followed Dolly’s husband Teck because they suspected him of having an affair?
I guess the difference is Teck wasn’t really having an affair, Dolly and Teck didn’t get a divorce and Teck didn’t marry a tall woman who would become the creative director of National Day Parade 2011, which is best remembered for the Fun Pack Song, sung to the tune of Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance.
I’m referring, of course, to Richmond’s second wife Beatrice Chia, whom he married in 2006.
Wait ...Beatrice starts with a “B”. Could it be …nah, I’m sure it’s just a coincidence.
Yes, I’m aware of the old rumours that Chia was the other woman, partly due to her acting in intimate scenes with Richmond in several local film and TV projects when he was still married to Lopez. But I don’t believe those rumours.
Lopez herself said in a 2000 interview: “Acting is his job. He’s in a vulnerable position on-screen and off-screen, and rumour-mongers don't help.”
Richmond was more to the point in a 2003 interview: “Absolutely false, it’s pure BS. She (Beatrice) was never in my life as a lover (during the marriage).”
Chia also denied the rumours in another 2003 interview: “Eh, just because I directed a few R(A) plays and posed topless doesn’t make me a shameless homewrecker, you know?”
Furthermore, in Memoirs Of A DJ, Lopez reminisces about filming the 2001 sitcom Now Boarding in Kuala Lumpur where she shared a room with co-star Chia and they didn’t kill each other.
Lopez writes that she “enjoyed the experience” of working with the people on the show and adds cheerfully: “How many people can say they were roommates with their husband’s future wife?!?”
Since she mentions a flop like Now Boarding in the book, you would think she would also mention the award-winning Daddy’s Girls and how wonderful I was to work with as a writer and director. No such luck.
As revenge, I’m now going to write my own autobiography and not mention her!
But I think I’ll mention “B”.
Whoever she may “be”.
- Published in The New Paper, 2 September 2012
UPDATE: Asked to comment on the book, Beatrice Chia-Richmond told The New Paper: “Both Mark and I prefer not to comment to preserve the dignity and privacy of our families who have been mortified and incredibly hurt by this. We wish Vernetta every success in her literary pursuit. And look forward to celebrating her Pulitzer when hell freezes over.”
UPDATE UPDATE: The Straits Times, 29 December 2012
At signings for her book Memoirs Of A DJ, recalls Class 95 DJ and actress Vernetta Lopez, 39, some women would come up to her and begin to weep.
The autobiography, published in August, created a stir as it contained details of her ex-husband Mark Richmond’s extra-marital affair that eventually ended their marriage. Richmond, also a DJ with MediaCorp, is now married to theatre director Beatrice Chia-Richmond, 38.
“One woman told me: This is the first time I’ve put on a dress. And for a woman who has not put on a dress for a long time, it means she has found confidence in herself. And she said it’s because of my book, and I was like, wow,” says Lopez. She adds with relish: “A lot of women came up to me and said, ‘I’m going through that right now, you have given me inspiration to be happy.’ That was awesome.”
All this is a far cry from the raised eyebrows that first greeted news of the release of her memoirs. Lopez says: “They were saying: Is the book all about spite? Some were a bit angry that I would be so evil, but I was not. And after that, people read the book.”
Memoirs Of A DJ has sold several thousand copies so far, says her manager and sister Loretta Lopez, 42.
The DJ says with a smile: “People come up to me with the book, well worn, for a signature, and it’s a great feeling. It’s been nice hearing people say they can hear my voice, as if I’m reading it out to them.”
It has been a busy year for Lopez, who has been married to IT professional Wayne Gladwin, 42, for three years. Besides releasing her memoirs, she has just wrapped up her role in the Wild Rice pantomime Hansel And Gretel. She is also a puppeteer on Okto’s long-running children’s show Knockout, and recently did a guest acting stint on the Channel 5 series Code Of Law, as public prosecutor Vivienne Lau.
While speaking to Life!, Lopez is candid, gamely striking wacky poses for the photographer. She is quick to stress again that the book is not motivated by vindictiveness. She says: “It was more about having fun and sharing fun stories. It’s a bit of a dig in the ribs, but it’s not being evil. If I didn’t put (the divorce) in, you guys would be like, ‘Aiyah bulls***, what is this?’”
But what of Richmond, who was working in the same building as her? Have they spoken since the book was released?
“I saw him every morning after the book. We never talked about it, there’s nothing to say. And I relied on the fact that, if he read the book, then maybe he would understand where I was coming from,” says Lopez.
Chia-Richmond has certainly been forthcoming about her opinion. Speaking to The New Paper soon after the book came out, she said: “We wish Vernetta every success in her literary pursuit. And look forward to celebrating her Pulitzer when hell freezes over.”
Asked about this, Lopez laughs. “Yeah, it was quite funny,” she says. She quickly adds: “I’m sorry to say that it was funny because I’m sure she was pretty p***d off. But… I don’t want to say anything else about it because I just don’t want to make anything controversial out of it.”
But there is just a slight note of regret in her tone, when she notes that reactions to the couple have been “harsh”. “I can only just look back and go, ‘This is my book’. What you take from it is what you take from it, and you’re not going to please everybody.”
There is one last twist in this tale of a tell-all: MediaCorp Radio has announced that, come New Year’s Eve, Lopez and fellow DJ Joe Augustin will take over her ex-husband’s morning show on Gold 90.5FM.
Richmond, who had been hosting the breakfast show with his father Brian, has left MediaCorp after 25 years in radio to join the Singapore Sports Council. He declined to respond to queries from Life!.
Asked if it feels strange to be taking over the show, Lopez says: “Yes and no, only by the fact that it was my ex-husband and ex-father-in-law. But as far as I know, Mark had tendered his resignation and they were looking for a new direction. It’s not weird because I wasn’t really familiar with their morning show – I could never bring myself to listen to it.”
aiyah!!!...smong,
all fallen wives and ex-es call them "B".
And "B" hehehe....is that female dogs on heat! They don't care, just... ahem.... when heat comes "B" 'grab' anything that moves!
I m sure u know what is "B" but u scared to offend her right? in case she marries the third time and, no invite (again) ...hahahaha! Need tissue?
SBK888
'Ello mr smong
Your article is hilarious. very funny loh. U not know who is "B" who slept with Mark while still married to vernetta??
Don't act blur loh. Everybody knows.
Aiyohyo it's Beatrice Chia 100%.
Eh u not read yesterday article meh? She let the cat out of the bag herself; anyone reading it know already she had affair with Mark. There she said: "Both Mark and I prefer not to comment to preserve the dignity and privacy of our families who have been mortified and incredibly hurt by this"
Wahlau shiok reading it.
U know many yrs ago i emailed to Vernetta and told her Beatrice was sleeping with her hubby and no worries, she much prettier than Beatrice. Beatrice Chia fugly lah, looks like a giant thai transvestite.
U meet Vernetta, tell her not her fault her marriage failed. It's Mark+Beatrice shameful fault.
Her fans very proud she wrote this memoir. Way to go girl!
Eh tell Glenn Ong fans hope he too will write his memoir, pasti very laku!
Everybody know already his ex-Jaime Yeo slept with that angmoh guy who's now her hubby behind Glenn's back.
Also rumor going around claiming her ex-colleague from espn said jaime yeo got banged up in UK by man-united fans while hosting espn show. Got caught by cctv, but espn boss erased for damaged control. maybe glenn heard it too?
(As an aside, didn’t Kang use to date former weather girl and Triple Nine actress Chong Chia Suan? She’s a teacher in UK now and speaks with a seriously hardcore angmoh accent. I always thought he was too petite for her.)
Back in 2006, Filipino maid Guen Garlejo Aguilar was sentenced to 10 years’ jail for manslaughter after strangling and dismembering fellow Filipino maid Jane Parangan La Puebla. 
Those were simpler days when a severed woman’s head was more shocking than a woman’s head being forced into a man’s crotch.
