Dear Mr Rupert Murdoch,
Uh...is this a good time?
I know you’re kind of busy nowadays, but I just want to drop a note to thank you for...uh...(air quotes) praising Singapore during your testimony to a UK parliamentary panel last week on the phone-hacking scandal.
But really, you shouldn’t have.
It was just so...unexpected. And random. And...how did we get dragged into this?
You called Singapore “the most open and clear society in the world”, where “every minister gets at least a million dollars a year and the Prime Minister a lot more” and “there’s no temptation”.
Not that we don’t appreciate the shout-out, but...uh...actually, those high ministerial salaries are currently being reviewed by a committee appointed by our Prime Minister himself.
So...well...you know...“awkward”!
Maybe you could’ve said something about the Singapore Flyer. Or the Great Singapore Sale!
No, wait, that’s ending today.
But there’s always the Post-Great Singapore Sale Sale, where you may actually get better deals than during the Great Singapore Sale itself.
Even a multi-billionaire like you wouldn’t mind saving a couple of bucks, am I right? That’s how you become a multi-billionaire – and stay a multi-billionaire.
And hey, the Hungry Ghost Festival is coming. Have you ever seen a getai show? You’d love it!
Do you know Hokkien? Doesn't matter. Just sit back and enjoy the music, colourful costumes and atmosphere.
There will be a getai show in front of Ngee Ann City shopping centre next Sunday. So you can catch a free show and take advantage of the Post-Great Singapore Sale Sale at the same place. How thoughtfully convenient!
So if you really want to endorse something about Singapore, shopping and getai – yes.
But “the cleanest society you can find anywhere”? Uh...actually, littering seems to be making a comeback in Singapore lately.
Well, at least you tried to say something nice about our country – not like that schlubby Hollywood stoner Seth Rogen, who called Singapore “frightening” and “barbaric” a few months ago.
Maybe you should have his phone hacked.
Kidding!
No more hacking of anyone’s phone. You didn’t know anything about it. You were betrayed by people you trusted.
I’m on your side. Look, I have no pies on me.So...are we good?
Please don’t have me killed.
Or worse, sic your wife on me.
Best regards,
S M Ong
PS: Loved your cameos on The Simpsons!
- Published in The New Paper, 24 July 2011
