Dear would-be Singapore citizen,
Thank you for applying to be a Singapore citizen despite Seth Rogen describing Singapore as a “very frightening” place. You are indeed the bravest of souls.
Your timing couldn’t be better because the TV and Radio Licensing Fee was just abolished and people have stopped saying “boomz” as a joke.
But before you get your pink Identity Card, you’re now required to complete an orientation programme called the Singapore Citizenship Journey, which includes visits to the National Museum of Singapore, the Urban Redevelopment Authority’s City Gallery and Singapore Parliament House.
Wait, before you cancel your citizenship application, those places aren’t as boring as they sound. Okay, maybe they are, but worst comes to worst, the tour takes only half a day.
Surely, it’s worth half of your day just to be able to count Gong Li, Jet Li and Chow Yun Fat’s wife as your fellow countrymen.
You will also have to take an online course as part of your “journey”. At the end of each section of the course, there will be a online quiz.
Don’t worry if you can’t answer all the questions correctly because many who are Singaporean by birth can't too.
The following are examples of questions that won't be in the quiz:
1. Singapore is in the Guinness Book of World Records for which pointless record-breaking feat?
A. Most people playing sudoku simultaneously.
B. Most people sitting on one chair.
C. Most couples on a blind date in 12 hours.
D. Longest queue for overpriced bubble tea.
2. Who are the “heartlanders” who should stay out of Holland Village?
A. Anyone who is uncultured with no manners.
B. Anyone in shorts and slippers, and like, weird coloured hair.
C. Vincent Ng, Aaron Aziz and any member of the cast of the cancelled local TV series Heartlanders.
D. Anyone who is not from the Netherlands.
3. What is currently the biggest threat to Singapore’s defence?
B. Failing your Individual Physical Proficiency Test.
C. Japanese food.
4. What will be the top issue in the upcoming election?
A. Rising cost of living.
B. You (as in “foreign talent”).
C. Netizens too mean to new People's Action Party candidate and foot-stamping hat model Tin Pei Ling.
D. Too many polls asking people what the top issue in the upcoming election will be.
So how did you do?
As a prospective member of the “world’s second coolest nationality” (according to CNNGo), you're expected to be geeky enough to find the answers yourself on the Internet.
Congratulations! You’re almost a citizen of the 189th (or is it 191st?) largest country in the world by land area.
Just don’t forget to take your Oath of Renunciation, Allegiance and Loyalty like that Japanese guy.
- Published in The New Paper, 3 April 2011
TRENDING POSTS OF THE WEEK
Zoe Tay said she was “just sexy”, and that men love her and women hate her. I can’t speak for women, but as a man, I don’t exactly love...
Let me first say, I love my country. And I dislike the new National Day song, Because It’s Singapore, because it’s not Home — like any t...
It’s like 1996 all over again. Only instead of the Macarena , we’re dancing Gangnam Style . Instead of watching the White House get bl...
For the first time, I limped to the start line. It was The Performance Series Race at Punggol East-Coney Island this morning. I had been...
Two years ago, when celebrity radio deejay Glenn Ong revealed that he was dating fellow MediaCorp deejay Jean Danker after splitting fro...
I first met Darryl David at Gurmit Singh's wedding dinner in 1995. David's date was a woman named Lynette Pang , who was a stag...
Last month, my wife posed for pictures with a topless male model at the entrance of Abercrombie & Fitch on Orchard Road. Because he pu...
It started with this Cyberpioneer Facebook post: What does Military Expert (ME) 1 Clarie Teo enjoy, when she is not busy keeping ship eng...
Okay, I surrender. I admit it. I was wrong. In April last year, I wrote a column called “ So is Joanne Peh really going out with Qi Yuwu? ...
Halimah Yacob did not delete info about Indian descent on Wikipedia page because it's still there unless it has been deleted againOn Wednesday, The Independent Singapore speculated: Did Halimah Yacob delete info about Indian descent from Wikipedia page ? The short ...