Sunday 16 October 2011

(Remove) The mole, the merrier?

Talk about losing face.

Last month, without my knowledge, a reporter colleague showed a photo of me to a fengshui expert to read my fortune based on my face and birthdate for an article in The New Paper on Sunday.

Among other things, Mr Fengshui said that I was “childlike”, “too candid” and that I should take up yoga to be more relaxed.

You know what would make me more relaxed? If people would stop showing my photo to creepy fengshui experts without my knowledge!

Oh, am I being too candid?

Anyway, the fengshui guy also said: “A narrow nose indicates that making big bucks does not come easily and he may spend more than he earns.”

He was right about that – I have not been making big bucks, easily or otherwise.

Naturally, my first thought was that I should get a nose job. The problem is that Mr Fengshui said I have a narrow nose, so to change it would mean I need to make my nose wider?

I’m sorry, but I think my nose is fat enough as it is.

So my dilemma was this: Stay poor with my narrow nose or get a fatter nose and make big bucks easily?

But the dilemma sort of resolved itself because since I don’t make big bucks, I don’t think I can afford a nose job that would’ve allowed me to make the big bucks. Which would’ve allowed to me to get a nose job.

I believe this is what is known as the poverty cycle.

The fengshui guy also said that because of the mole below my left eye, I should “pay attention” to my small intestines and my heart .

I can take care of my heart by watching my diet and exercising, but I have no idea how to look after my small intestines.

This leaves me no choice but to remove my mole.

My wife was okay with it, but I felt I also needed to get permission from my mother because, well, my body belonged to her too, if you know what mean.

She said she was all for it as she never liked that mole anyway because it resembled a teardrop below my eye.

So I made an appointment to see a doctor at the National Skin Centre.

I told the doctor I wanted to remove all three moles on the left side of my face: the “teardrop”, the one on my temple and the Phua Chu Kang mole on my lower cheek with two strands of hair growing out of it, which I had to keep trimming.

Those three moles form what I call the Ber-mole-da Triangle.

But the doctor said I should remove just one mole first and see how it goes.

I said I was hoping I could pay for two mole removals and get the third one free. She said no.

Okay then, which mole should I remove first?

She recommended the Phua Chu Kang mole because it was the smallest. She didn’t say anything about the two strands of hair and didn’t seem to care about the fengshui guy or my small intestines or my mother.

The doctor also warned that I would be exchanging a mole for a scar on my face. I told her just to make sure the scar was at a sexy angle (whatever that means).

And so on Tuesday, I went under the knife for the first time in my life.

I think it counts as cosmetic surgery. I feel so Hollywood. Maybe I’ll get implants next – I mean for my cheeks. Or perhaps even a nose job?

To remove that one mole cost me about $300. So the rest of the Ber-mole-da Triangle would cost me another $600. That’s a lot of money. I’m not sure I want to go through with it now.

Hmmm... what would Phua Chu Kang do?

By the way, I’m keeping my amputated Phua Chu Kang mole in a plastic container in the fridge so that I can visit it every day.

The hairs are still intact.

- Published in The New Paper, 16 October 2011

Dear Mr. Ong,

Actually your life path is all in your date of birth. Not about looking at the number of moles you have.

If you do not mind giving me your date of birth, I can tell who you are and what will become of you. It is FOC just for you only.

I set up my company PON Consultant Pte Ltd doing consulting on Life Destiny. If you are keen please provide me with your date of birth I will provide you with a 20 page report of who you actually are and what will become of you in the future. This discovery is truly amazing and awesome. Its all true statistics and research over more than 10 years.

You can actually go to my website at to have a look.

Best regards
Raymond Suen
PON Consultant Pte Ltd

UPDATE: My response to the e-mails and comments.

UPDATE UPDATE: I had the "teardrop" mole removed on 15 Nov and it's also in my fridge now.