Friday 3 December 2010

Putting semen in someone's drink is more than just 'mischief'

It has been described as possibly "the first case of its kind".

I shall now recap this widely reported court case - interjected with the appropriate exclamations of disbelief, amazement and snark.

Consider this my early Christmas present to you, dear reader:

On Wednesday, a man was jailed for spiking a female colleague’s drinking water with his semen.

Ewww! That’s disgusting!

The colleague drank the semen-fortified water.

Choke! Did he think his colleague was Zoe “I swallow” Tay? Gag! Vomit!

He had obtained the semen by masturbating to a photograph of his female colleague.

Is this supposed to be some sort of compliment?!

He recorded himself collecting the semen in a small bottle on video with his mobile phone.

Why?! So that he can relive the moment over and over again?!

Then he waited for his colleague to leave her desk and mixed his semen into her water bottle.

Wow! Did he have to shake the bottle really hard to get the semen mixed into the water?!

The water bottle was tinted red, so the colleague did not realise the water was no longer clear.

Oh! So he didn’t have to shake the bottle that hard!

He also recorded himself doing this.

This guy is an idiot!

He struck up a conversation with his victim when she returned to her desk and then he secretly recorded her drinking the inseminated water.

Didn’t she taste anything?! What lousy water was she drinking?!

He did this to two female colleagues.

Twice?! He got away with this twice?! Champion!

He was working at the Singapore Police Force at the time.

He was with the police?! That makes us feel so much safer! Talk about the thin blue line! Or maybe it's blue balls!

He was eventually caught when he tried to shoot an upskirt video of another female colleague by squatting near her with his phone.

Aiyah! Cheap trick!

She grabbed the phone from him and found the upskirt shots.

Why didn’t he just run away with the phone?! So dumb!

The police were informed. They raided the idiot’s home and found 155 illicit videos dating back to 2005 on his computer, including those of him creating the semen mocktails for his other two colleagues.

He had been a very naughty boy!

He created separate folders on his computer for each of his colleagues with sub-folders for each incident. He labelled each video file with the date taken and the victim’s name.

Wah, for a pervert and an idiot, he’s so organised!

He was sentenced to 18 months in jail after pleading guilty to eight counts of taking underskirt videos and two counts of mischief.


Holding up two fingers behind your colleague’s head while she has her picture taken - that’s mischief.

Putting semen in her drink - that’s a whole other ball game!

I thank you for your time.

- Unpublished