Sunday 25 April 2010

Not enough parking space for your three cars? I have an AT-AT

Radio DJs mimicking the accent of a race other than their own to get laughs?

I think it's offensive, but then I've worked on a TV show where an Indian comedian mimics a Chinese Ah Beng contractor to get laughs. (If you don't know what I'm talking about, then you obviously don't read this blog often enough. Shame on you.)

People who live in glass houses and all that.

But you know what I find really offensive?

No, not the radio station's response that it was "done in good, clean fun and is never intended to disparage or poke fun at race or language".

The road to hell is paved with good intentions and all that.

What really offends me is recent news reports of rich people complaining that their condos don't give them enough parking space because they have too many cars. (And if they complained in a mock Indian accent, I would be even more offended.)

Too many cars? Didn't COE prices just hit their highest levels in 10 years? Chump change for these multiple-vehicle owners.

Why do we even bother opening new MRT stations on the Circle Line when our entire rail network is clearly superfluous?

And what's this debate over long-distance bus routes? Do we even need buses at all?

As one condo resident said: "My family really does need all three cars for easy mobility, so I didn't want to give up any car."

You don't expect his family members to use our world-class public transportation system, do you? How pedestrian.

Earth Day? That's for losers who can't afford the COE.

I know the Singapore economy is booming again, but come on! You don't have to rub my face in it.

Now that I think of it, I also want make to complaint: HDB doesn't give me enough parking space for my Batmobile, Concorde and AT-AT. (If you know what an AT-AT is, congratulations, you're a nerd.)

Actually, there's plenty of space on the top floor of the HDB multi-storey carpark for my AT-AT. The trouble is getting up there. Not enough height clearance.

Getting attacked by rebels is also a bitch.

But let me tell you something, when your problem is that you can't find a a place to park your fleet, you're better off than 90 per cent of the population out there. So stop moaning and buy your own kingdom already.

I have to decide whether to hire Miley Cyrus or Justin Bieber for my daughter's birthday party - now that's a problem.

Screw it, I'll get them both. You turn 11 only once.

- Published in The New Paper, 25 April 2010