I was on the way out the other day when I saw an Elephant and a Donkey fighting in the void deck of my block.
Because I didn't want to get involved, I pretended not to see them and tried to walk quickly past the ruckus.
But Elephant noticed me and shouted, "Hey, you there!"
The two quadrupeds galloped up to me and blocked my way.
Elephant said, "Excuse me, can you help us settle an argument?"
Donkey said: "Yeah, I'm the US Democratic Donkey and this is the US Republican Elephant. Can you tell us whether Singapore is a Democratic or Republican state?"
"Uh," I havered, "I think we're officially called the Republic of Singapore."
Elephant turned to Donkey, almost accidentally knocking my head off with its trunk, and scoffed: "I told you!"
Donkey brayed in protest: "Everyone knows Singapore is a nanny state! Everything is heavily regulated. That means they believe in Big Government. That's Democratic. "
Elephant: "But the Government also supports Big Business and the free market. Singaporeans love money. That's Republican."
Donkey: "But they hate guns."
Elephant: "But not the death penalty."
Donkey: "They have legalised abortion."
Elephant: "But not same-sex marriage."
Donkey: "They believe in diversity and multi-culturalism."
Elephant: "But not welfarism."
Donkey: "If Singaporeans were voting in the US election, they would vote for Barack Obama."
Elephant swung its trunk towards me - this time I ducked: "Is that true?"
"Well," I stammered, "according to a recent Gallup Poll, 21 per cent of Singaporeans preferred Obama while only 11 per cent preferred John McCain."
"I told you!" said Donkey to Elephant.
"However," I continued, "an overwhelming 68 per cent majority also didn't know or refused to say who they preferred.
"That means we're neither Republican nor Democratic, but Singaporean.
"And being Singaporean, most of us don't have an opinion one way or the other."
Elephant turned to Donkey: "Why do we even bother with these people?"
Donkey shrugged and they went to look for some place to eat where the food wasn't too spicy.
I hope no one blames me for the animal dung in the void deck.
- Published in The New Paper, 7 November 2008
TRENDING POSTS OF THE WEEK
It started with this Cyberpioneer Facebook post: What does Military Expert (ME) 1 Clarie Teo enjoy, when she is not busy keeping ship eng...
Thanks to recent taken-out-of-context comments by a former Prime Minister who shall remain unnamed, ministers' pay has been a hot topic...
It has been a year since Clarie Teo left the navy with this Instagram post: The day has finally arrived, not everyone is meant to set fo...
Do you have enough of Navy chio bu ME1 Clarie Teo? Posted by Must Be Singapore on Tuesday, April 7, 2015 Meet the star of Mindef's ne...
I first met Darryl David at Gurmit Singh's wedding dinner in 1995. David's date was a woman named Lynette Pang , who was a stag...
It's back! The last time I wrote about the rendang burger death match was five years ago when McDonald's pulled off an upset vi...
It’s like 1996 all over again. Only instead of the Macarena , we’re dancing Gangnam Style . Instead of watching the White House get bl...
When I learnt that Vernetta Lopez ’s autobiography Memoirs Of A DJ: Life In Progress was published last week, I rushed to the nearest major...
Zoe Tay said she was “just sexy”, and that men love her and women hate her. I can’t speak for women, but as a man, I don’t exactly love...
Last month, it was reported that Nike would stop supplying to smaller shops like those in Queensway Shopping Centre and Peninsula Plaza. ...