Monday 22 July 2019

This is how they stop us: Storming ST Kinetics for aliens? Sorry, ST Kinetics doesn't exist

I’m spacing out.

What year is this? 2019 or 1999?

Is that why people are suddenly talking about extraterrestrials like it’s pre-Y2K when we were obsessing over The X-Files on TV? The show was like the Stranger Things of the 90s but with more paranoia and less Winona Ryder.

Or is it 1969?

Is that why I’m seeing all this news about the first man on the moon? Oh, it’s the 50th anniversary.

Ironic, isn’t it? We can put a man on the moon, but we still can’t use bitcoin to hire a hitman on the Dark Web to kill our ex-lover’s boyfriend without getting caught.

But the lunar landing’s golden jubilee is not why we suddenly have celestial beings on our minds.

Nor is it due to Men In Black International because that movie was so last month and not very good.

No, aliens are cool again thanks to a joke Facebook page called “Storm Area 51, They Can’t Stop All Of Us”, which went viral last week like a certain app that can make your face look old and send your personal data to the Russians.

Area 51 is a classified US Air Force facility where conspiracy theorists believe the US government is secretly doing stuff with flying saucers and their other-worldly occupants.

You would know that if you’ve watched The X-Files.

Or Independence Day. Or Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull.

Or the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine episode, “Little Green Men”.

More than 1.8 million users have supposedly confirmed on the Facebook page that they are “going” to “storm Area 51” on Sept 20.

Although I’m one of the 1.8 million, it may shock you to learn that I may not actually go. The main reason is Area 51 is in America, which is very far.

Fortunately, for those in Singapore, someone has created a “Storm ST Kinetics, They Can’t Stop All Of Us” Facebook event page.

ST Kinetics is in Boon Lay, which is much closer.

Why ST Kinetics? Because it manufactures advanced military products for the Singapore Government, possibly using alien technology, who knows?

The event page has these instructions:
“We will all meet up at the ST Kinetics Main Entrance and coordinate our entry. If we do our contact drills, we can dodge all their SAR21s and Terrexes. Let’s see them aliens.”
More than 1,700 have indicated that they’re “going”. More than 3,400 are “interested”.

It’s telling that while Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong has warned us about using FaceApp, he has yet to warn us against storming ST Kinetics.

But before committing, I messaged a friend who works at ST Electronics to find out whether he can provide any inside intel on ST Kinetics since both companies are under Singapore Technologies, which is what ST stands for.

His reply shook me to the core of my very soul.

“No more ST Kinetics,” he wrote.

Reality shifted. It was as if I was in an alternate universe.

An entire company just warped itself out of existence to escape being stormed by 1,700 alien hunters? Maybe ST Kinetics does have UFO tech and really doesn’t us to know about it.

Actually, as my friend explained, ST Kinetics has been renamed ST Engineering Land Systems since June last year. Just as the company he works for has been renamed ST Engineering Electronics.

The confusion arises because if you search for “ST Kinetics” online, much of the information has not been updated, including on Wikipedia and Google Maps.

Somehow, “Storm ST Engineering Land Systems” doesn’t quite have the same ring to it.

But the only way you can storm ST Kinetics on Sept 20 now is if you build a time machine using alien technology and travel back two years to storm ST Kinetics on Sept 20, 2017.

I sent my friend a link to an article about the “Storm ST Kinetics” page and he was intrigued.

He messaged back: “Hope my pass can sneak in…”

My hero! He must have realised that just because ST Kinetics isn’t called ST Kinetics any more, it doesn’t mean the arms manufacturer isn’t hiding alien secrets.

In the end, one man may accomplish what 1,700 or 1.8 million can’t. No storming required.

The truth is out there in Jalan Boon Lay.

- Published in The New Paper, 22 July 2019

UPDATE: The “Storm ST Kinetics, They Can’t Stop All Of Us” Facebook event page has been renamed “Thoughts & Prayers For Aliens At ST Kinetics” with this note:
As you all know, ST Kinetics is no 🙅‍♂️ Hong Lim Park so storming ST Kinetics counts as unlawful assembly.

As such, let us put our hearts 💕 and minds 🧠 together as one 👽 alien loving congregation to pray 🙏 for the hearts and souls of the trapped aliens living within the confines of those grey walls.

We believe in the great power 💪 of thoughts and prayers to right all wrongs in our society and if it doesn't work maybe we can shrug it off as not part of some divine will 🤷‍♂️ hopefully, if the divine power be willing, allow us to clap some alien cheeks along the way.

comment "thoughts and prayers 🙏" to send virtual help to these poor aliens. 1 like = 1 thought, 1 share = 1000 prayers.