Free money alert!
Have you received your 2011 Grow & Share Package letter yet? I just found out I’m getting $700.
On top of that, I’ve also received the refund cheque of $110 for the 2011 Radio and TV Licence fee.
Maybe now I can afford to buy the iPad 2.
No, wait. I just realised it’s not available in Singapore yet.
Then maybe now I can afford to eat at a “cultured” Holland Village restaurant.
No, wait. I just realised I don’t like Dutch food.
Then maybe now I can afford to buy over the domain name temasekreview.com since the website’s editor has said that it’s shutting down.
No, wait. I just realised I don’t want to be sued by Temasek Holdings.
Then maybe now I can afford to buy tickets for the Justin Bieber concert at the Singapore Indoor Stadium.
No, wait. I just realised I’m not a 13-year-old girl and no longer wish to contribute to the further decline of civilisation.
Besides, I like only that one song: “Baby, baby... oh!”
Then maybe now I can afford to hire a company to write me a song with a chorus that sounds like “Baby, baby” and produce a video of me performing it with my friends, which I can then upload onto YouTube.
No, wait. I just remembered I’m not a 13-year-old girl and no longer wish to contribute to the further decline of civilisation.
Then maybe now I can afford to buy that Kate Spade bag which I’ve wanted, like, forever. It’s white to match my cute white baker’s hat.
No, wait. I just realised I’m not a 27-year-old woman who is really, really concerned about such important issues as caring for the elderly and how Mother Tongue should be taught.
Hey, isn’t Sharon Au back in Singapore after completing her studies in Japan?
Then maybe now I can afford to hire her to star in the follow-up to her 2005 dramedy Tiramisu.
No, wait. I just realised I can’t remember the name of her hunky Thai co-star or much else about the show – except that it was one of the lowest rated local series on Channel 5, ever.
Then maybe now I can afford to erase the biggest regret of my life by finally taking my parents to Universal Studios Singapore at Resorts World Sentosa.
No, wait. I just realised my father is dead and I can’t stand my mother.
Then maybe now I can afford to hire a maid to help me carry my wallat which is getting so heavy from all the money I got for my Grow & Share Package and TV licence fee refund.
No, wait. I just realised I’ve already completed my national service. So I don't need a maid anymore.
Then maybe I should just donate the money to charity.
No, wait. I just realised the iPad 2 comes in white, which matches my cute white baker’s hat!
I think I’ll just wait for the iPad 2 – the white one.
- Published in The New Paper, 10 April 2011
UPDATE: iPad 2 released same day as my Grow & Share Package - coincidence?
TRENDING POSTS OF THE WEEK
It started with this Cyberpioneer Facebook post: What does Military Expert (ME) 1 Clarie Teo enjoy, when she is not busy keeping ship eng...
Thanks to recent taken-out-of-context comments by a former Prime Minister who shall remain unnamed, ministers' pay has been a hot topic...
It has been a year since Clarie Teo left the navy with this Instagram post: The day has finally arrived, not everyone is meant to set fo...
Do you have enough of Navy chio bu ME1 Clarie Teo? Posted by Must Be Singapore on Tuesday, April 7, 2015 Meet the star of Mindef's ne...
I first met Darryl David at Gurmit Singh's wedding dinner in 1995. David's date was a woman named Lynette Pang , who was a stag...
It's back! The last time I wrote about the rendang burger death match was five years ago when McDonald's pulled off an upset vi...
It’s like 1996 all over again. Only instead of the Macarena , we’re dancing Gangnam Style . Instead of watching the White House get bl...
When I learnt that Vernetta Lopez ’s autobiography Memoirs Of A DJ: Life In Progress was published last week, I rushed to the nearest major...
Zoe Tay said she was “just sexy”, and that men love her and women hate her. I can’t speak for women, but as a man, I don’t exactly love...
Last month, it was reported that Nike would stop supplying to smaller shops like those in Queensway Shopping Centre and Peninsula Plaza. ...