26 May 2013

3 more things about Singapore that will shock Vin Diesel



US$154,000 (S$195,000) for a Toyota Prius?

Based on Vin Diesel’s reaction in a RazorTV video, that is apparently more shocking than finding out that Michelle Rodriguez’s character is still alive in Fast & Furious 6.

This is not a spoiler since Rodriguez is also in the same video promoting the movie and I think that pretty much gives it away that her character didn’t die in the fourth movie of the series like we were led to believe.

So it’s not like I’m revealing that Benedict Cumberbatch is really Khan in the new Star Trek movie or anything like that.

Rodriguez’s character supposedly died in Avatar too. And on the island in Lost. Now I’m not so sure.



Anyway, in the RazorTV video, cast members of Fast & Furious 6 were quizzed by a Straits Times journalist on the prices of cars in Singapore.

Rodriguez was asked to guess the price of a 1.6-litre Nissan Sylphy sedan. She said US40,000.

When the US actress was told that a Nissan Sylphy costs US$90,000 in Singapore, her jaw literally dropped.

Wait. Does she even know what a Nissan Sylphy is? Just because she’s in a movie franchise about cars doesn’t mean she has heard of the Sylphy.

This is especially since in America, there’s no such thing as a Nissan Sylphy. Over there, the Nissan Sylphy is marketed as the Nissan Sentra. Same car, different name.



In the back of her mind, Rodriguez was probably wondering whether the Sylphy is a car for lesbians since “Sylphy” sounds a little like “sapphic”.

In which case, 40 grand sound about right for a lesbian car. I have to check sgcarmart.com.

Rodriguez may be a better actress than we thought.

But of the four Fast & Furious 6 actors in the video (the other two are Gina Carano and Luke Evans), Diesel was the most animated and entertaining in his shocked reaction to the high car prices.

Here are three other uniquely Singaporean things I would love to see his reaction to:




WATER WALLY SHOWER DANCE MUSIC VIDEO

In this YouTube video by PUB, someone in a giant water droplet costume shows up and people start having epileptic seizures.

This Water Wally character is a greater menace to public health than the dengue mosquito.

No wonder Singa quit.

Have the Ministry of Health and National Environment Agency been alerted?

I imagine if Vin Diesel is shown the video, he would ask: “Why am I looking at a naked boy showering? What kind of sick kiddie porn is this? Which reminds me, I need to call my agent about that sequel to The Pacifier.”




MAN WITH C-CUP BREASTS

Maybe Mr Kurt Tay was inspired by Angelina Jolie. Not the part where the actress had her breasts removed, but the part where she replaced her breasts with implants.

Mr Tay went to Bangkok to get his 385cc silicone breast implants, making him a C cup.

Not that he was wearing a bra of any size when I saw him in The New Paper office last week. I wonder, if he goes swimming, would he wear trunks or would he need a bikini?

Mr Tay, 27, told TNP that he had his boobs done because he is vain. He intends to return to Thailand in a year and increase his bust size to a G cup.

He’s straight and hopes to get a Vietnamese wife.

You almost wish he were an intern so that someone could slap some sense into him.

Diesel’s likely reaction: “I’m nauseated, yet turned on at the same time. I haven’t been this confused since I saw Babylon A.D. – and I was in it!”




PEOPLE ARE STILL BUYING CARS IN SINGAPORE

In the RazorTV video, Diesel couldn’t believe it when he was told the price of a Toyota Prius here.

The US actor said: “US$154,000 for a Prius? Let me ask you a question. Is the moral of the story ‘Don’t buy cars in Singapore’?

He would be even more shocked to learn that even with the crazy high prices, there are still so many cars in Singapore that we need to have the Electronic Road Pricing system to manage road congestion, which makes it even more expensive to own a car.

So the real “moral of the story” is Singaporeans are either too rich or too dumb to realise that this is way too much to pay for a car.

But what is truly shocking to me is that at the end of the video, the ST journalist told Diesel: “You would make a great Singapore citizen. You should move to Singapore.”

Whoa, not so fast there, buddy, or you’re going to make a lot of people furious.

Singaporeans are already protesting the projected 6.9 million population figure and Diesel is such a big star (1.83m, 102kg), he could be counted as two people.

I wouldn’t mind having Michelle Rodriguez as a neighbour though.

- Published in The New Paper, 26 May 2013

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